Post # 1
WARNING: This post is LONG and contains the many rambles of a madwoman.
Feel free to move this post as desired, I had no idea where to put it.
In a nutshell: I CANNOT make a decision to save my life.
Proof: I have been engaged for over 6 1/2 years and still am no closer to making an actual wedding decision.
I have 2 options of weddings which I think I could tolerate, but can’t choose. I will show my pros and cons and I would just LOVE if someone could decide for me… Please? I’m begging you!
Family background: We know his family is going to cause crap because we don’t want to get married in his parent’s church (we are not religious). I have strong suspicions that they will not believe our marriage is “real” if we choose not to get married in a church, just because that’s the way they are. They are nuts and evil.
Current situation: Fiance and I are planning a huge (6 months) holiday drive around Australia next year. We plan to either get married before we leave, or while we are away, so neither option involves any travel costs which need to be taken into consideration, as we will be travelling anyway. (YIPPEE!!!!!!!)
Here are my not hated wedding options with pros and cons:
Option 1: Semi-destination wedding – Wedding would be about 2 hours drive from everybody. Small, probably max. 40 people, closest family and friends only. “Reception” just as an informal gathering in a holiday house with me doing most of the food and all the desserts myself.
- On neutral territory, we feel we could just plan and invite rather than having bossy families tell us what to do (probably wishful thinking).
- I REALLY want to make a whole truck-load of desserts for everyone. This is pretty much my only wedding dream.
- I have a billion and one DIY projects I REALLY want to do. I love that stuff and I would love to show it off.
- Cheap with intimate wedding and casual dinner
- Blah, blah, family, blah
- I know our friends, and I know they will use any occasion with free alcohol as an excuse to get COMPLETELY sh*t faced, as in, embarrassingly so, puke everywhere grossness. Maybe I seem like an old fuddy-duddy party pooper, but I don’t want to be playing crowd control at my own wedding.
- I kinda don’t really want to have to invite anyone!
- I will worry like a crazy lady that everyone is having enough fun and whatnot. I won’t want people to think they have wasted their time coming to our wedding because it won’t be a big-deal “real” wedding with all the frills and hoo-haa.
Option 2: Elope/mega destination – This would be in the Cairns/Port Douglas area, which is about 30-35 hours drive from everyone.
- Wouldn’t have to deal with everyone
- Beautiful area makes for nice photos
- I hate people and I wouldn’t have to have anyone there
- The BIGGEST con is I will in all likelihood be the only one of my Nana’s grandchildren to marry in her lifetime, and I would really love to have her there, even if no one else.
- It is too far for her to travel
- If we elope to somewhere closer and invite her only, again, sh*t storm with his family will result.
- I wouldn’t get to make desserts, or do the billion-and-one DIY projects
- I may feel I have missed something (??? unlikely from a direct wedding perspective as neither wedding option is at all “wedding-y”, more likely just the aforementioned DIYs).
- I will piss off my friends. Like really piss off. One in particular would probably never talk to me again. As in she didn’t talk to me for weeks when I didn’t invite her to someone else’s gathering.
- Would cost about the same as the full wedding but we’d be getting less bang for our buck.
So I have way more cons for eloping. But I still don’t know! Please personal decision makers, get to work and help me decide!
Post # 3
I know how you feel about having trouble making decisions!! Wedding planning has been really hard for me because I deliberate about the smallest (and biggest) details for way too long! Yet it’s slightly easier to give other people advice about what decisions they should make =)
I think Option #1 sounds better. As you said, you have more cons for #2, and you’ll be able to have a meaningful ceremony by having your grandmother there, and have fun by being about to bake and make DIY stuff. As for the friends drinking too much, maybe you could just not have that much alcohol at your house? I know you’re concerned about people having fun, but it’s not about them, it’s about you and your FI! And you don’t want to be chaperoning others on your big day! For my wedding, I’m only offering free alcohol for the coctail hour, then switching to a cash bar for the reception. I mainly did this for cost reasons but it’s becoming more common not to have an open bar for the whole event, or to just limit alcohol to wine and/or beer.
Good luck making the decision!
Post # 4
What if you guys elope, do your vows far far away, but then have a surprise reception (or not surprise) when you get back? Balance of not crazy people, but then crazy people only you’re not worried about them ruining your day. AND you’ll still get to make tons of baked goods, which I totally understand, is an amazing thing.
Post # 5
I think the decision is clear, go for option number one and have a small wedding/dessert party. It sounds like you would enjoy that. The biggest con I see is the overdrinking. I would do what PP suggested and only stock so much alcohol. Stick to beer and wine and don’t over buy so that when it is out it’S out. OR pre-mix drinks (i.e. lemonade with vodka, sangria, rum punch with fresh fruit) and make them light. Just tell people you made them so well they can’t taste the alcohol, they will enjoy the drinks and (hopefully) not get too drunk.
Post # 6
Yeah, the decision seems pretty clear to me – mini destination with limited alcohol!
Post # 7
I think option #1 meets the family obligations enough. Plus if it’s that stressful, you’ll have six months far away from your family & puking friends to recover! By the time you get home, the stressful parts will have faded and the good memories will remain.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone for your insight! I suppose having the wedding with people is the best option really, I just HOPE they all behave and let us do things our way.
Eloping and then having a surprise reception would be awesome, except I assume everyone would figure it out. If we were to throw a party there would have to be a really, really good reason. We are not party throwers.
I am also surprised that you all seem to be onboard with my crazy desire to feed the majority of the shin-dig. I thought you would all tell me I was mental to even consider such a thing.
Oh, and what’s with only ONE person thinking I’m nuts? I was expecting more. Hahaha, it gave me a laugh, thank you!
Post # 9
I have to go with the first choice. It sounds to me like the ‘lesser of both evils’, so to speak. I just think the con’s are easier to manage. First off, your friends might surprise you, my Fiance and I have some friends that don’t know how to control themselves, but at weddings, they’ve been fine. So, it could work out really well! And people will have fun at your wedding, if you guys are having fun. So don’t worry about them, just have a blast and they’ll follow! And just understand that you can’t please everyone, so the family drama might still happen, its part of the process for a lot of us. At least your Nana would be there 🙂