(Closed) Now how do I handle this!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6215 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I wouldn’t give him the money. It was his decision to buy the ring, and his inability to pay rent shows that he’s not financially responsible enough to be getting married.

Post # 4
2287 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: Central Park

Lending money to friends and relatives never ends well. He shouldnt have bought the ring if it means he can not pay rent now.

Post # 5
8453 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Why is his brother unable to pay rent?  I think you need to explain to your Fiance how difficult it is getting a loan for a house right now, and that the bank will question every single penny that comes out of your account.  ESPECIALLY if it comes out in a lump sum and isn’t part of your regular spending (rent, utilities, car payments, etc). 

My Fiance and I recently purchased a home and it was ridiculous how many hoops we had to jump through.  This is on top of the fact that: we were already pre-approved for over $35k of the amount we were asking, we had 20% down, we both have decent credit (700+), he works for the bank we’re getting the loan from, and the house was appraised by the bank for $15k over the asking price.  We were questioned for taking out $300 to pay the home inspector.  I hope your Fiance understands this before he goes handing off money to his big brother.  Good luck, I hope you can talk some sense into him.

Post # 7
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You have too many things to worry about with your own finances to worry about his.  Besides, if you and your Fiance lend him money now to cover necessary expenses, you are sending your Future Brother-In-Law a message that this is okay and that he can continue to do this.  Lending money to family members hardly ever ends well.  If your Fiance wants to gift his brother money (which I still disagree with, but whatever) then that is a separate issue, but by lending money the entire dynamic will change.

Post # 8
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

Regardless of the fact he bought a ring (which makes us believe caused him to possibly not make rent), what you and your Fiance are doing is major.  A house is huggeeeee.  We just went thru it and every dime counts, plus a wedding.  you are totally right.  It is just not right to lend any money to anyone.

Post # 9
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

no way don’t do it.

Post # 10
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Sorry but it is his decision since it’s his brother. but he has to realize that giving his brother money for the rent now, could cost you your house! You may not get approved for the loan. And if he does it once… what makes sure he won’t need rent money again in a few months or even next month? If I was your Fiance. I would think about that!

Post # 11
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I don’t think it’s a good idea to give him money since he was irresponsible in buying a ring when he couldn’t afford it.  However, it is ultimately your FH’s decision.  I would want to know what an expected payback period would be ($500 a month for x months or $250 a month for x months, etc….) before handing over the money.  Also, your FH should consider that since it’s family it is likely his brother will NOT pay him back; you should never borrow out money to friends and family if you cannot afford to give it with the expectation they might not pay it back.

Finally, will not giving him the money cause problems with your inlaws?  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say “sorry bro, we don’t have any extra money to spare” but if it’s going to cause major problems and/or your inlaws are contributing to your wedding they may change their minds and become less supportive.

Post # 12
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

It’s awkward for certain, but this one is not your rodeo honey, because you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t.  If you say, “Let’s go ahead and give him the money.” Because let’s face it, your never going to see a dime from him in repayment, and it bites you in the ass in the loan qualification process OR turns the brother into an adult dependant who’s life is financed by your hard work, that will become your fault, because you said we should do it.  If you say, “Nope, we gotta hang onto every penny because we got our own problems.”  Well, then your a miserly shrew who won’t let her Fiance help his poor, sad brother, and what a meany you are, then they’ll gang up on you and a HUGE financial rift will occur because your Fiance feels controlled…..nope, don’t touch this with a ten foot pole, just tell your Fiance that whatever he decides to do, you will stand behind him…THAT way, whenever this blows up, and you know it will, you are blameless, and can be there to support your Fiance in the aftermath, just avoid saying, “I told you so.”  they really hate that.

Post # 13
19 posts
  • Wedding: March 2013

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink!  With that being said, if your Fiance insists on helping your fbil out financially, why don’t you suggest that his brother work for it?  an extra hand right seems might help with your stress.  Yard work, help with wedding planning, scrubbing a few toilets?  Your Fiance could say, ” hey, even though we really do not have any extra $$ to loan, we want to help you out.  We really need help with xyz so could we pay you to help with those?”.  It could turn into a win-win!  Ps, if he agrees to do, pay after services are completed lol.

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