(Closed) Now I feel bad… he thinks he can’t afford what will make me happy

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Could you choose the setting you want using a psedo diamond then later when your back on your feet replace it with a diamond.

Post # 4
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would give it a little time (since you know he’s not going to buy the ring right now anyway), then bring it up and just let him know what you said here: that you’ve been thinking about it, that you regret the way that you responded and that the important thing to you is that you get to spend your life with him. It’s not wrong that you told him what you would like–he does want to make you happy obviously–just help him understand that you don’t need 1 carat to be happy.

Post # 5
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If you and your SO are budget conscious, have you guys considered a center stone other than a diamond?  There are so many beautiful gemstones and alternatives out there, but it depends on how you both feel about it.

Post # 6
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bricon:  My thoughts exactly!  Look into white saphhire or moissanite or asha… something that will give you the look you want with less $$$ and then upgrade down the road when he’s in a better financial position.

Post # 7
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You were being a brat.  But… we’ve all been there.  Embarassed You have a few choices.

1.  Don’t say anything, hope he knows you’re sorry and just see what happens.

2.  Bring it up again, hope he doesn’t feel bad all over again, but reassure him that you’d accept a twist-tie.  (Side-note: don’t marry the guy if you wouldn’t do it for a twist-tie)

3.  Propose to him.  Then go shopping for your ring together and since you’re “already engaged” you can both decide what you’re comfortable spending and maybe you can contribute, too, if he can’t swing it.  You can “keep it between you until he asks you back.”

4.  Look for other stones you love, or more interesting settings.  (Me, I’m a solitaire girl, so that wasn’t an option, but I didn’t care how big it was in the end).  Wander by a store and drag him in, or do your own research and show him “look, I found this gorgeous ring that’s only $XX.  I love it!” 

5.  If you could replace your center stone, discuss that option: “this setting can accomodate any size rock – I love this sapphire and maybe for our 10 year anniversary we can get you a new diamond band and me a new rock”. (Not for me, I can’t get rid of what he used to propose)

Post # 8
1013 posts
Bumble bee

i would apologize. he will appreciate that your aware you may have been selfish. but get it . lol I know I want a 1 c center diamond. I have gien my SO no other option LOL. But I know he can afford it. So I would mention it to him and explain you would not mind a stand in until you could afford the diamond you want. Gem stone, Asha or Moissanite would be good alternatives.

Post # 9
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think you should wait a day or so and when you’re ready to have a calm discussion, open up to him and apologize for your hasty reaction. Let him know that you didn’t mean to come off the way you did. I think it’s important to let our guys know that as beautiful and wonderful as the rings are and as much as we love sparkly items, we love the guy more than anything and would take a ring pop if it meant spending the rest of our lives with them. 

Then you can discuss other options such as the other Bees have mentioned. Different gem in the middle, different design or smaller diamond. 

It can be difficult in the heat of the moment to stop and think about the way your reacting. But I’m sure if you explain and apologize, everything will be just fine and you can move on!

Post # 10
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@BelleFille:  I would give it some time.  It is on his mind, so I would try not to bring it up for a little while.  Feel it out for when the time is right- if you want to say something again about other options that are more affordable.  Sometimes things just have to rest until there is less anxiety about them, so that tensions don’t get high. 

Post # 12
2006 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I would find a ring online (at a more appropriate price) with a smaller stone and show him the link and say you like it.  That way he’ll see that you’ve let go of the need for a bigger stone.

OR look into moissanite or white sapphires.  I know you said you want a diamond, but if it comes to waiting for several years to get married, or getting a different stone, well thats up to you.

Post # 13
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@almostmrsj:  “Don’t marry a guy if you wouldn’t do it for a twist-tie”: Wow, words of wisdom right there! I’ve never heard it put like that, but I’m going to start making that my philosophy. Yes, we all WANT nice things, but if it’s not a guy that you would marry if you got absolutely nothing out of it…then it’s not worth it. 

@BelleFille:  I would definitely also advise finding a ring online: there are definitley ones with small diamonds that are absolutely breathtaking. If you do want a diamond for sure, I’m sure you can find a small one at a very affordable price. I personally didn’t want a diamond, so my ring is opal, but diamond rings come in all sorts of price ranges too. 

I’m not sure what kind of ring you like, but maybe check out Etsy? There’s a lot of beautiful hand-crafted diamond rings on there (small, usually) at very good prices (depending on the seller of course). 

Post # 14
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d bring it up by sending hints that you think lots of rings are beautiful that are smaller. Find one online that you love or a couple pictures of some of the bee’s rings that you like and tell him you want to show him. Tell him how you think they’re so pretty then just non-chalantly say “this one is ___ carats and this one is ___ carats” That way you’re not bringing up the somewhat depressing conversation that you had previously. You’re just showing him something that he can afford and saying it’s beautiful. 🙂 That’s what he’s more concerned about. Not your apologies.


Post # 15
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@almostmrsj:  2.  Bring it up again, hope he doesn’t feel bad all over again, but reassure him that you’d accept a twist-tie.  (Side-note: don’t marry the guy if you wouldn’t do it for a twist-tie)

yes! this. so much this.

and to OP, I am in a similar boat. SO no longer has a “real” job (he’s working part-time and looking for one) because he just quit his and moved across the country to be with me…so I told him not to worry about the ring for now but he’s super traditional so he’s going to wait until I can at least get the setting I want and a moissanite (but then again that’s what I want anyway!).  Good luck! 

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