(Closed) Now I get why my BM was acting weird…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@eraff32:  I don’t understand.  After getting engaged two childhood friends got engaged and married before Darling Husband and my wedding.  And honestly, it didn’t phase me.  It doesn’t make my relationship better then theirs or theirs better than mine, nor did it take away from anyone’s happiness.

I don’t get it either, but I think some people can’t really be happy unless they feel that they’re winning… at whatever it is that we’re apparently competing for.

Post # 5
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

why automatically assume she moved her date up to be before yours? It sounds like they’re going in a totally different direction since they’re only inviting immediate family now.  Maybe they don’t have the $ for the big wedding they thought they could have, so decided if it’s going to be a small thing why not do it sooner.

 

Post # 6
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Whatevs. So long as she’s being more well behaved take it as a win!

Post # 7
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@eraff32:  I guess I kind of see this myself because DH’s best friend is always trying to one-up Darling Husband.  Which is sad because Darling Husband has been friends with him since childhood and befriended this guy because he was the shy, weird guy with no friends.

Anyway, DH’s friend sounds similar to your friend’s Fiance.  He gets self conscious if someone is going to have a first wedding, a better job, or a bigger house.  Life is about keeping up with someone else and surpassing them because there’s no inner contentment with how their lives are lived without regard to others.  Happiness is a zero sum game and if you’re happy, then he is obviously unhappy.

It’s entirely possible that this is the FI’s feelings and that it had rubbed off on your friend, and she’s happy now because now that her Fiance perceives them as “winning” then she can revert back to normal.

Regardless, you sound to be a good, caring friend, with a typically good friend who sometimes is a bit self-absorbed.  I think we’re all guilty of from time to time, and we all lose our heads a bit when planning a wedding (the amount of time we lose our heads may vary, but we all do it at least once).  I’m glad you got your friend back!

Post # 11
Member
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

I have no idea what her motives are for bumping up the wedding or why she would be distant from you.  But I can give some of my insight as to maybe why. 

For me wedding planning has been stressful.  Fiance and I are paying for this on our own, and I’m trying to find places we can save and splurge etc.  I tend to freak out over everything one minute and the next minute think ok this will work out fine. Then the next minute freak out again because something else was more expensive than I thought it would be.  I have been distant at times from my BM’s but its because I’m trying to figure this all out.  My Maid/Matron of Honor recently got engaged over Thanksgiving (I’ve been engaged for 2 years) and she had been thinking about having her wedding this fall.  I was so happy for her.  They ultimately set a date for 2 months after my date and I still couldn’t be happier for her.  If she were to decide to change her date to this fall or summer or even tomorrow I’d support her anyway I could. 

Again wedding planning is stressful, at least for me, maybe her distance has nothing to do with jealousy but more about finances or planning and by moving their date and only have immediate family and friends there a HUGE weight has been lifted off her shoulders so she is able to be a better friend/BM.

Post # 13
Member
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge

@eraff32:  You’re lucky all of you are close.  My Bridesmaid or Best Man are all scattered, one from high school, one’s an old co-worker, one’s a cousin, another a good friend from my wilder days.  Then his neice and his daughter.  Plus all of them are in different areas of the state. 

Maybe talk to her when things settle down.  Or maybe its not even worth mentioning and let it blow over.  Maybe in a few years mention something casually and see what her answer is.  People tend to be more honest after what ever it is has passed.  Or maybe even have another friend ask her casually.  Take the heat off her and she may say “I’m embarrassed but yeah I want to be married first” or “No we moved it because of….”

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