(Closed) Now I know why BMs get fired! Help!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
56 posts
Worker bee

Have you considered having the bridesmaid dress a different style? but both in satin and same colour? 

I have been to weddings where the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were different esp. if they have different figures. 

Post # 5
1512 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Ashley_B:  No advice, but I’m having a problem with the dresses too. We’re trying to find them super early, since two of my ladies will be saving for flights and their dresses. I got a price point from all three ladies separately: $200, $200, $40. The problem is, the one I LOVE is $220. Even if I paid for half of the one bridesmaid’s dress, it would still be over her budget. Now I have to find a different one that will always be second best to the one I love, and make it $80ish…for a long dress.

Definitely no help/advice coming from me, but I hope she just sucks it up and wears the dress you choose.

Post # 6
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m just curious, will you show us the dress? I think you need to tell her she has to wear the dress. As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, the one rule is to wear what the bride wants, I would never imagine to do otherwise. Has she been in other weddings? If not, maybe she doesn’t get it. I was clueless when I was Bridesmaid or Best Man for a family member and had never been in a wedding before.

I think because she is your sister, she prob. feels like she can have more say and argue with you over this. Would it help if you got your mom to just tell her to do it? I know this sounds childish but in sibling relationships, mom certainly has some input. If my brothers were refusing to wear a tux, I owuld have gotten my mom to make them do it. 

Post # 7
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Mrs. Bear Cheese Pie:  have you checked out target? they aren’t the fanciest dresses, but they do have a limited selection of Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses at a much lower pricetag than many bridal salons. there are also those wrap dresses… henkaa.com has the best price, and if you paid for half it would be a lot closer to her budget, and way under the other girls’ budgets. good luck!

Post # 8
8516 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Ashley_B:  I think they got to dictate when people started asking them to pay for them. In my opinion if you want control over the dresses then you should pay for them. I think people lose sight of the fact that a Bridesmaid or Best Man role is about a person and not a dress. I would rather have my sister wear a potato sack if she wants then not have her as a BM!

Post # 9
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I only have one bridesmaid.  We found a dress easily, but now are going back to the drawing board to find her another one as she just found out she is pregnant.  And every girl loves a reason to shop. 

I personally knew that I would be paying for my bridesmaid’s dress.  I didnt want her out of pocket when I am the one getting married.  She has a mortgage, 2 girls (and a new bub on the way).  The last thing she needs is me expecting her to fork out cash that she could use for her family.  She told me she was happy to pay, but I just don’t feel that it’s right.  Thats also why I am only having one attendant, as thats all I could afford. 

On the plus side, having one bridemaid makes it a lot easier to choose a dress.  I don’t have to worry about different shapes or styles.

We also paid for the Best Man’s suit as well.

Post # 11
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

That dress completely matches the old hollywood theme (really wish I’d seen it for my bridesmaids!)

As a bridesmaid, she’s suppose to wear what you tell her to, and zip it. So what if a MOB could wear it- she could wear it again to another formal event. I agree with the idea that because she’s family, she thinks she can complain more. If you have to get Mom to step in, do it.

Post # 12
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ultimately, if a Bridesmaid or Best Man refuses to wear what you want her to wear, then she’s removing herself from the bridal party.  You’ve chosen the dress, now it’s up to her to decide if she’d rather suck it up and wear it or just attend the wedding as a guest.  The dress looks perfectly fine.  Based on what you’ve told us, she sounds immature.  How old is she?  

Post # 13
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Tell her that’s the dress.  If she orders it, great.  If not, then she has removed herself from the wedding party.  You don’t want to be the one to kick her out because that will make YOU look like the bad guy.  Also, don’t replace her.  It not only makes her feel replaceable, it also makes the replacement feel like, … a replacement.

Post # 15
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sorry you’re dealing with this.  Just wanted to let you know I love that dress you picked.

Post # 16
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@j_jaye:  I agree.

I’m sorry you’re having problems OP, but she’s your sister. Isn’t it more important that she’s with you than what she wears or if she matches? I could never throw my sister out of my bridal party. 

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