(Closed) Now I sort of get why people cheat. Long.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m so sorry your husband is being this way. It sounds like he’s being verbally abusive. It’s not right for him to treat you this way at all.


I’m not saying to go run to your ex, most of the time they are ex’s for a reason, but I would greatly suggest you get some serious concelling for you and your husband or leave. It doesn’t take long before they make you feel like you would be nothing without them. It doesn’t take long before the verbal turns into physical abuse.


Councelling or leave. In my case I left. But I didn’t love my ex. So if you truly love your husband, maybe leave the home while you two get councelling until you feel comfortable and safe to move back in?

Post # 4
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Wow. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Your husband should not be treating you like this at all. I think if you want to make things work with him, you should try counseling but, from the sounds of things, I don’t think he is going to be up for that.

Having said that, I do think it might be best for you to leave. BUT don’t go running right back to your ex. Give yourself sometime to heal.

Post # 5
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Agree with PPs! I’m wondering was he always like this or did he change after the wedding? If this is a recent change maybe there is a hope for counselling? 

Post # 7
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@anonyanonybooboo:  First off, big hugs!! This really sucks.

Was he like this before you married him or did things do a 180 as soon as you said “I do”? I would say his behavior is inexcusable. If this is something recent that happened after the wedding then maybe it’s repairable… through a lot of counselling… but I am not sure. If he won’t go to counselling with you, you should go by yourself.

I think that you need to put the other guy on the back burner. Trust me when I say this – you’ve got major grass is greener syndrome. If you left your husband for him, it wouldn’t necessarily work out. He’s the knight in shining armor for you right now. Even if you do end up leaving your husband, it would be bad to go to this guy right away. Of course he seems perfect in comparison to your husband. I was in a similar situation when I was younger. I wasn’t married but my on/off boyfriend was treating me like crap. I had a male friend I was very close to, and he seemed perfect. Once my ex and I broke up, though, I realized I wasn’t actually interested in him. He was just my shoulder to cry on.

I don’t know why your husband is being so mean to you. Have you tried laying it all out for him? Kinda like you did here? Usually face-to-face communication works best, but if you wrote him a letter/email maybe it might be more effective since he seems to be like a brick wall? Just throwing that out there.

Post # 8
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

Lack of sex is never an issue unless there is lack of intimacy which is a totally different animal which usually means there are other bigger factors. Go back and reread your post. Talk to your husband if he doesnt clean up then leave. I think your marriage has real issues possibly verbal abuse issues too. You should probably get counseling. Just know that if the shoe doesnt fit it wont fit in a year from now you’ll just be angry that you didnt get your money back.

Post # 9
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Don’t end your marriage for your Ex.  End your marriage for yourself. 

Post # 10
335 posts
Helper bee

Get counselling, or leave the situation.  I’m morbidly curious, though.  Given that your husband is such a… charmer, what exactly is it that you love about him?  It’s obviously not how he makes you feel.

Post # 12
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Pleaae don’t cheat on your husband.  What he’s doing is neglect and verbal/emotional abuse, but cheating is never the answer.  I don’t blame you one bit for wanting to move onto another relationship, but my advice to you is to end this one first.  I say this not for HIS sake but for yours.  You will feel so much better about a new relationship if you don’t have to sneak around with a guy who would date a married woman.  Since your husband is not willing to change and instead only wants to blame all of the problems in the relationship on you and he thinks it’s an excuse to be abusive towards you, I would leave him.  I’m so sorry for how much he’s hurt you, especially on your wedding day. 🙁  It was one of the most cruel things I’ve ever read on here and my heart broke for you. *hugs*

Post # 13
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@KateByDesign:  +1

OP, I agree with the others that counseling is a good option, but I think it should just be solo counseling.  It sounds like your ability to trust in yourself could use some strengthening.  You knew going into the marriage that this was probably not a good idea and went through with it anyways.  I did the same thing, and 5 years later, I was divorced with a child and the custody and debt issues that come with it.  If you get out now, at least you won’t have to deal with that, and you’ve got time to get back into the job market so you can support yourself.  

Post # 15
335 posts
Helper bee

@anonyanonybooboo:  When he started changing, you should’ve taken it as a sign of things to come, and definitely look at the parents to see what you’re getting yourself into.  My mom always tells me to make sure a man treats you like a queen before you get married, because it doesn’t get better after marriage.  It sounds like he has some growing up to do.

Post # 16
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@arsing89:  Exactly this.

Your husband sounds like my ex. His mom worked full time and took care of (and paid for!) everyone and every thing in the house, while dad made 4x as much and did absolutely nothing but sit on his ass and hoard his money. Fiance was going down the same path as his dad, and that’s why I left–I was NOT going to work my ass off (I was working ~30 hours a week and going to school full time) and babysit him on top of it. I was okay with doing some household stuff, but he tried to get me to take over all of his (a lot of it was stuff that I had no idea how to do!), as well, and that was my last straw.

I think you need a partner, not a husband. I don’t want to tell you outright to leave, but you deserve better, and I just don’t think that you’re going to get it from him.

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