(Closed) Now I sort of get why people cheat. Long.

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
3418 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

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@Petite_Fraise:  I do as well and hopes this all works out for her.

Post # 78
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

If you are already thinking about just lay it all out there for him. Tell him how he has changed and that you are not going to put up with how he treats you anymore. Don’t let him talk to you the way he does. If he calls you a bitch or talks to you like that again just tell him not to speak to you like that, you are his wife! Stick up for yourself! Just because he has married you doesn’t give him the right to treat you however he wants. It always amuses me when people change right after marriage, don’t they realise these days you can still leave them??

Post # 80
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You shouldn’t have married him. Now it’s still early GET OUT!! Run girl! I think you’re over romantizing the ex. Every man has his issues and you’re not being realistic about the ex. That being said, I would leave – I wouldn’t have married him but whatever – and be by myself for awhile. Figure out why you married the wrong man and how you can stop it from happening again. Run!

Post # 83
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Please keep us updated <3

Post # 84
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

First off, blech, blech, blech, blech.

I’m sorry but your husband sounds like an awful person, there’s no way for me to put that gently.

However, the question you should be asking yourself shouldn’t be “Should I be with my husband or my ex?”

Your first question should be “Should I continue my marriage with my husband?” (my 2 cents here is that the answer should be an emphatic “NO” followed by a run for the hills). But that question needs to be answered on the merits of your marriage alone, and not considering your ex.

If you answer “no” to the first question AND YOU LEAVE then and ONLY THEN can the question become “Am I ready to be with my ex so soon after a divorce?”

I don’t envy your position. Your husband sounds like a total douche-canoe. You do deserve a life partner that loves you and respects you and treats you like gold.

FYI not all husbands of stay at home wives are so opposed to housework. My Fiance keeps insisting that he wants to help with the housework because he doesn’t want me to feel like I would be doing it all on my own, even though I’ll be staying at home and he’ll be working. Better men are out there. Find one of them.

ETA: holy crap, I just read some of your update posts. He’s not just a jerk, he’s abusive. You need to get out now. Run, run, run and don’t look back. Look into annullments ASAP. And tell your closest family and friends. Find a local women’s shelter and leave the house while he’s away at work, leave him a note saying you’re not coming home. You literally cannot be too careful in a situation like this.

Post # 85
Member
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Honestly, it sounds like you are in a very toxic relationship. Your wedding day is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life, and to hear how he spoke to you is devastating. It sounds like he has a lot of personal issues that he takes out on you, instead of addressing it.

The decision is yours to make. Life is short. Really short. To spend the rest of your life with this man, do you see it? 5 years, 20, 50? Do you see yourself carrying his children, raising them with him? If you already feel like your marriage may be a mistake, I think you need to go with your gut.

Get out. Don’t cheat, just get out. Living with the fact that you cheated on your husband, regardless of whether or not you stay with him will forever stick with you. If you dont think you’re marriage is right, start taking steps now to leave it. If your ex-bf is in the picture when things are settled a little more, and you’re single again. Go for it – but don’t put yourself, your husband, or your ex in that situation.

I hope you make the right decision for YOU. You deserve everything you listed above,and more.

xo

Post # 86
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

There is NO reason on earth that would excuse anyone for cheating in my opinion. End your marriage. He sounds like an asshole and from what you’ve wrote, doesn’t care about you enough to respect you. Don’t cheat just because you feel like your marriage is “over”. End it first and do things the right way.

Post # 87
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Cheating isn’t ok, for any reason. You can leave him, you’re not trapped.

It sounds like you guys didn’t live together before getting married, or really discuss your expectations of each other? You really can’t expect someone to instantly change once you marry them.

I’m sorry he’s treating you that way. He is clearly unable to see things from your POV, a therapist may be able to help with that, if you both want to work on this. Why don’t you work? In a situation like this, it may work to your advantage to get a job, even if it’s only part time. Then at least he can’t say ‘you don’t work, so you need to clean and cook’, then he’d have to help out and it would eventually become habit to put his things away, or keep the house clean. So help me, if someone threw out a dinner I had cooked because I didn’t serve it to them, they’d never get another meal cooked for them, i’d be making my own food and they could make their own.

You don’t cheat though, even if your hubby is an ass. If you can’t fix it, you leave. Also, don’t leave for someone else, escaping your marriage by going back to your ex is not a good move. Leave for yourself.

Post # 88
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@anonyanonybooboo:  Ok, that ALONE makes me question why you would stay with this man. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

Please don’t cheat with the ex….if you truly need to leave your marriage, do that for yourself and make a clean break with integrity.  The ex will still be there in the future if you want to explore that option, but now is not the time.

Best of luck.

Post # 89
Member
327 posts
Helper bee

have you talk to him. my dad works but my mum does not. however we don’t have the problem at home. my dad just eat whatever my mum cooks and the man’s thing, like chnaging the light bulb and fixing things. while my mum did the rest. hope you find a way to talk to him and let him see things from your side. good luck! 

Post # 90
Member
1658 posts
Bumble bee

My God, Girl.

Before my husband and I got married I was ready to end the engagement and call of the wedding about a month before we said our vows.

I too, went anonymous on this site to get some perspective from the bees. Most urged me to leave and end the engagement. However, I could not do that. I sat him down, made him listen to me and I told him I was done. I couldn’t take his attitude, his overbearing parents, none of it anymore. He bawled his eyes out and agreed to go to marriage counseling with me.

It has done absolute wonders for us.

I’m not saying that it would work in every situation, but if you even have a sliver of hope for your marriage, please DO NOT CHEAT. Cheating is inexcusable. If you feel like you need to go, then go. Get a divorce, take some time for yourself and if your ex is still around, then date him. Please do this the right way.

I think you need to try one more time to get him to listen. If he doesnt, hunny you need to go. I think you know what you have to do.

Good luck, please keep us updated. I’m sending good thoughts your way, love.

 

Post # 92
Member
9479 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

You are far from expecting too much.  He is emotionally and mentally abusing you.  You deserve to be treated with respect by a loving and caring husband.  (hugs).  

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