(Closed) Now I’M Not Ready for Marriage

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just try to take a deep breathe! I can totally relate to you, after we got engaged and I was in the middle of wedding planning I had a 2-4 week stretch where I was in freak out mode! Everthing comes to reality and can be very overwhelming. Just follow your heart & insticts and you will be ok 🙂

Post # 4
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’ve heard that guys freak out more about the engagement, and ladies freak out over the reality of the actual marriage. Since you two have been talking about becoming engaged for so long, maybe the reality of marriage is hitting you, even though you’re not technically engaged? I definitely freaked out post-engagement, because forever is a scary proposition when you actually think about that and not just the excitement of getting engaged/married. But as PP said, just take a minute to breathe and if your instinct says this guy is still the one (in spite of all the little things), then follow that!

Post # 5
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

I struggle with that a LOT too, and I”m not engaged either, but for me the idea of “forever” is really daunting, but I think-to a small degree- doubt it healthy. It means you understand the gravity of the decision you are making, but also I have come to the realization that when you’re making that level of commitment to someone, you have to continually work at maintaining that relationship and constantly making the decision to stay even when things get hard and making a conscious effort to grow together to prevent from growing apart. 

 

I guess all this post is trying to say is “that’s normal-you’ll be fine”

Post # 6
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@gocubbies: See how you feel after you get engaged.  I think your feelings are normal, but probably not permanent if you still love him.  The things you are asking no one can answer for you.  Your marriage will be what you make of it.  Your happiness will be what you two put into it.

Post # 7
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hang in there!  I totally understand what you mean about the idea of “forever becoming real” being a bit of a scary thing.  I’ve only had the ring on my finger for a couple of days and have already had a “forever becoming real” freak out moment of sorts.

The thing is, this sort of decision is HUGE and there’s so much to mull over.  Even if things are great there are naturally so many uncertainties about the future, it’s hard not to play the “what if” game.

Breathe deep, and try to think about things logically and hopefully the funk will pass soon.  I think it’s totally normal and also a healthy thing to think very long and hard about the kind of commitment you are planning on making – getting engaged and married is a huge, life changing decision (duh! 🙂 )

It’s wonderful you can talk to your Future Mother-In-Law, and even better you can communicate so well with your guy.  You’ve still got some time to mull over stuff before your planned summer engagement.  Don’t drive yourself nuts with this though!

Post # 9
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think the most important question is whether you’re afraid of spending the rest of your life with someone, or whether you’re afraid of spending the rest of your life with HIM.

Post # 10
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

ya. we all go through rough patches in our relationships. i’ve been in a rough patch with D. we’ve been having fights. we just moved in together a month and a half ago, so i think it’s just an adjustment period for us. but ya i know how you feel! he told me he’s going to propose within 5 months. and now that i’ve moved in, we’re suddenly fighting! he thinks i’m too emotional and sensitive, and when i get a little hurt by something he says he gets really upset and says he feels like he’s walking on egg shells around me. but actually him doing that is HIM being over sensitive to ME which is really funny. and ya, with all this fighting lately i am wondering if we can spend the rest of our lives together. it’s a really unexpected feeling!

Post # 12
Member
454 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@gocubbies: Went through the SAME thing.  It gets better after the fact.  I think part of the wondering and lamenting has to do with self preservation, i.e. if it doesn’t happen, we want to feel that we had an out anyways.  Don’t let it freak you out.

Post # 14
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yeah, I was like that too. And to a certain extent am freaking out even now that we ARE engaged. I think it’s normal (hope so anyway)

Post # 15
Member
2025 posts
Buzzing bee

I can relate! On Valentine’s Day my Boyfriend or Best Friend was acting strange – bought a new outfit for dinner and movie (he doesn’t dress up), sent me an edible arrangement to work (never have received anything at work before) and told me he was excited for dinner. I was CONVINCED he was going to pop the question and literally spent the entire day 30 seconds from throwing up with anxiety. It’s not that I don’t want to marry him, or that I don’t want to be engaged, but my first instincts led me to panic. When I picture a proposal, the first feeling I get is wanting to run the other direction. I can’t explain it, and it sounds like I don’t want it, but I honestly think I’d feel much better just going to the courthouse and calling it done. Less stress…

Post # 16
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I went through the same thing right before we got engaged. It was the reality setting in that this was it…forever. There would be no one else, no more flirting, no more first dates or first kisses, or anything like that. It made me doubt the relationship a lot but after we got engaged all of those feelings disappeared and now I am looking forward to spending my life with just one person. I think it is normal to be a little anxious about taking such a huge step.

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