Post # 1
Because either nobody likes my ideas, or they subscribe to the “bride is 100% responsible for planning the wedding” bullshit. No wonder I see so many threads made by burned-out bees, I’m ready to just run off to the local courthouse. Apparently nothing is “me” (but the things that are more acceptable in everyone else’s eyes are most certainly not me either), and FH isn’t supposed to do anything for the wedding other than get a suit and show up. And now everyone’s upset that I never want to get pregnant, but that’s for very personal reasons.
Ugh. I feel so alone right now.
Post # 3
I feel your pain. No one has any interest in helping me either. That’s what the Bee is for! We’ll gladly help you out.
Does your FH want to help and is being told he shouldn’t, or is he just not interested?
Post # 4
@kittyfinn: Hey lady, chin up. Talk to me (or us, if other Bees respond) about your vision for the wedding. I would be more than happy to hear about your ideas and help you look for stuff that fits your vision!
Post # 5
It’s no one’s business when/if you reproduce besides yours and your husband/FI. I’d just ignore that kind of talk because really, their thoughts don’t matter.
What ideas do you have that aren’t being well-received? Maybe some of the Bees here can help you out with the details.
I’m so sorry you feel so alone. *hugs*
Post # 6
Take a deep breath, and then take another. You’re not alone.
I have been doing so much for our wedding too and at times I feel like I’m the one doing all the work and he’s just sitting around watching tv when he could be helping with arts and crafts. But the truth is that if he helped with arts and crafts, I’d just be disappointed in what he made, because he isn’t crafty.
I wanted to do an elopement, but what keeps me going is thinking about the wedding day, and all my friends and family there together. All of this work will be worth it when they’re there with you on your wedding day.
And when your wedding day is over, you’ll be married!
You have to find things like that to focus on. When you start to stress or get anxiety or feel alone, just focus on these things. For me, I focus on my people, because I’m doing all of this for them. Find what carries you through, breathe, and realize that you are not all alone.
Post # 7
@kittyfinn: If no one else wants to help with the wedding that’s their business, but your fiance should be pulling his weight. You need to have a talk to him and make sure he is helping.
As for pregnancy, next time that happens, bluntly tell them to shut up and butt out of your personal life. Seriously. It’s incredibly rude to pester people about having children. For a start, because it is hurtful to people who have trouble conceiving.
Post # 8
@paula1248: Absolutely. Anyway… why is everyone with kids always so interested in the condition of your uterus once wedding bells are chiming? And why all the rush… do i like have to plan it so it happens on the wedding night… or do I get time to unpack my wedding gifts before I start my baby registry? I always kinda thought the “kid people” see it as a battle scar they have reached, and like to talk about their “war days” of pregnancy and nausea. You know, like the cool crowd. They are always the one complaining how tired they are because they had kids right away after marriage, meanwhile pressuring you to the point of your own nausea …”but yeah you should totally have kids right away, it’s so rewarding” they say while they look slit eyed at your happiness and marriage glow! gee you make it sound sooo appealing, where do I sign up? (just some personal experience with family… lol)
My cousin, who lived with her FI for years before getting engaged, actually told me (and him) that she viewed marriage as an event that happens ONLY to have children. She actually threatened her FI to not ever propose to her until she told him she was ready for children… then he could think about marriage. That’s fine if that’s your viewpoint, but it’s not mine… so don’t press your viewpoints upon me and try to convince me to have children 6 months into my marriage! (She told me that’s her timeline).
I did the entire wedding, rehearsal, every wedding event, and packed the vans, and baked nearly everything leading up the wedding, all on my own. I hit a breaking point at the rehearsal dinner right before set up, and got really fainty feeling. Everyone started the hushed “is she pregnant?” whispers….
Hey some people were meant to be kid people, but those of us that are undecided right now, are trying to do the right and reponsible thing…. so back off and give a girl time to breathe!
We all do things on our own timelines, and our own way. Different people make the world go around. My long winded response was mainly to say, hang in there, try to get some support from a few quality people, and mainly.. do what’s best for you and makes YOU happy!
Post # 9
@kittyfinn: I’ve already given my FH a list of things HE has to deal with. I refuse to do this on my own – I don’t expect all my family and friends to help but I sure as hell expect my future hubby to help! Maybe its time to bridezilla up!
Post # 10
Thanks, guys. I’ve told my FH he needs to step it up, and I’ve been talking to him about every decision I’m making, but he, like everyone else, thinks wedding planning is all the bride’s responsibility. Well, at least he’s supportive of what I want. My mother? I can’t do this because of some bullshit superstition nobody’s ever heard of, I can’t do that because of symbolism that doesn’t mean anything anymore, I can’t have my ceremony at the local aquarium because it isn’t “me” so obviously the better option is some old-ass Civil War fort I’ve only driven by like, once.
Then my sister started bitching that she, being the bridesmaid/MOH, had to wear purple.
And now all three are butthurt that I never, ever want to get pregnant. Given all the problems I’ve had with my periods so far (like, if I’m not on BC, I skip periods and have all sorts of other problems with them), I’ll be amazed if I even CAN have kids. Even without that, pregnancy doesn’t sound appealing at all, it sounds terrifying and birth is one of the worst things that can ever happen to a human being without killing them, imo (and sometimes it does anyway, but that’s why we have C-sections… which doesn’t sound like a better option to vaginal birth). Add in the Mommy Wars and I just can’t handle that shit.
Post # 11
Sometimes people just suck! I’m sorry you’re getting so little support right now. You don’t need to justify what you want to anyone, not about your body or your wedding. sounds like you need to do something nice and relaxing for yourself, like a bubble bath or whatever chills you out. Here’s a hug:-)
Post # 12
@Tinatiny1: Fortunately, there’s always wine and Minecraft.
Post # 13
@stuckinwonderland: The ideas that aren’t being well-received are a) me not chaning my last name, which is something I’m pretty firm about b) wanting the ceremony at the local aquarium and c) the song for my entry/walk down the aisle.
Post # 14
I planned my whole wedding 100% alone. DH came to maybe 3 appointments with me, and he did the budget and paid the bills.
I remember feeling like no one cared, and that was annoying- but in the end I married the love of my life, and that is all that is important.
Post # 15
@kittyfinn: (a) and (c) are no one’s business except yours and FI, and if I was you I wouldn’t even talk about them to anyone else. For the song, you can say “it’s a surprise” and they can find out at the wedding rehearsal the night before.
(b) If you’re paying, I’d use the “I’m paying, my decision” line. If your mother is helping to pay, then yeah you’ve got to reach an agreement somehow.
If your sister doesn’t want to wear purple, tell her she’s welcome to step down from being a bridesmaid and attend as an ordinary guest.
Post # 16
@kittyfinn: Your last name is completely your business. It doesn’t affect anyone else at all and it’s crazy that people think they can weigh in on everyone else’s private life.
I, for one, think an aquarium would be an *awesome* wedding venue. Would you do the reception there as well? I just think that is so neat.
What song is so frowned upon? Unless you plan on walking down the aisle to “I’m Sexy and I know It”, I don’t get the issue. (And even if you were, it would just be funny)