(Closed) Now that our timeline is decided, my heart hurts.

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2020

 Is there any reason you can’t change your minds and move it up? If you both feel like you don’t want to wait anymore, maybe you should re-think the reasons for waiting and see if you can get married sooner.

Post # 3
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
futuremrsvg95:  How young are you? I’m not asking to be rude, but because you mentioned you are younger than most.

Chances are, if your 95 at the end of your username means that you were born in 95, then yep, you’re young! But that’s okay. I know waiting blows, but when I was 20/21 I wanted to marry my boyfriend that I had been with for four years like…more than anything.

Then he became a douche at age 22 and I’m beyond glad I didn’t force that one. So, I know waiting stinks, and I know that getting married is exciting and what not, but because you are young, or so you say, take this time to live it up as much as possible. Don’t worry about financing a wedding right now, or logistics of moving in together, or any of that. Enjoy being young and in love and before you know it, you won’t be waiting anymore to get engaged/married.

Post # 4
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

Why can you not call yourself engaged now and start planning? You don’t need a ring to be engaged, you can buy that later, and if you’ve discussed it and agreed to get married on an approximate date….. that IS your proposal. 

Post # 5
Member
843 posts
Busy bee

If you’re both sad about the timeline, why is that your timeline? A wedding doesn’t have to cost anything; the courthouse is less than $100, and a nice dinner with friends and family doesn’t have to be much more than that. If you’re ready now, there’s no reason to put it off.

Post # 6
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee

I do sympathise with you because I know waiting can be really tough. Financially, I know engagement and marriage may be out of your control, however the rest of it – the physical relationship and the living together is self imposed. You don’t need to wait for these things, but you choose for religion to rule your life in this way, so that’s really just down to you to reconcile with. 

I guess just appreciate what a good relationship you have and focus on personal goals in the meantime. 

Post # 7
Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee

So what exactly are the details holding you back? Do you both want a big wedding? Just trying to get a better understanding.

You could always elope or have a small service to have a vow renewal that’s more grand in the long run.

However, focus on the reasons you both laid out and try to enjoy the company. In the bigger picture, you’ll be planning to be together a lifetime…so try not to let a few years get you down! Best of luck!

Post # 8
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

Hi there, that does sound really hard. Would you mind sharing why the date has been set so far away? It seems like a very long time to wait especially as you both seem very certain it is what you want. I am a Christian and did not live with/sleep with my husband before marriage and I found a five month engagement long enough! Sorry I can’t offer any good advice for the waiting only to say just expect the wait to be long and frustrating and accept that or, bring the date forward and spare yourself two years of anguish .  All the best to you. ๐Ÿ˜Š

Post # 10
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you both have a lot going for you- you’re on the same page regarding your futures, you’re focusing on school and starting your careers, and you’re making sensible plans for your future. So kudos to you both for that. But you’re also understandably human and impatient to reach these exciting goals. Given that you’re still quite young- have you and your boyfriend thought of a promise ring for now? A sweet sign of your intentions and future proposal & fairly inexpensive. 

Post # 11
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2006

I agree with the promise ring idea. I think it’ll give you a more official feel and you’ll have something to look at while you wait for your engagement. Once you get engaged your wedding will be here before you know it. Time flies especially when you’re busy and it sounds like you’re both super easy. I think a little promise ring shopping could do you some good ๐Ÿ™‚

edit: super busy not easy lol! Stupid phone 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by mrsfj.
Post # 12
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
futuremrsvg95:  I sympathize with you, I’m not a very patient person either, but you need to focus on college right now so that you can set yourself up for a successful future together. Everything else will fall into place, especially if you both continue to be on the same page about your relationship.

I agree with the general idea of the statement, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want that the rest of your life start as soon as possible” (love the movie too ๐Ÿ˜‰ ). However, the rest of your life has already started. You’re already living it. You’ve found each other and you’re already together. When you met was when the rest of your life started.

Yes, marriage and consummating your relationship are important (you can also have sex without marriage, but that is up to you), but those things alone don’t build a strong base for your relationship to stand on. Your respect for each other, trust, love, and kindness are the things that build that and, in addition to that, your investment in the future will help you have a stable and happy relationship. Money issues are significant reasons why some couples divorce.

Instead of thinking about these next two years as something you’ll have to slog through, think about what you are doing in terms of investing in your relationship. Finishing a useful college degree and doing well in school so you can have a well-paying job and be financially stable is like putting money in the relationship bank. It’s smart and it’s important.

Lastly, I agree with 

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha that getting a promise ring might be a sweeter way to get through this in-between stage. Ultimately what matters in life is the commitment you have to each other and making your relationship work. Keep that perspective.

Post # 14
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Honestly?  Go live your life.  Travel.  Hang out with friends.  Do things that scare you.  Study your butt off and get good grades.  Go to the gym and get in crazy shape.  Find a new hobby.  Read a new book.  Join an intramural or something on your campus and make new friends.  Train for a 5k.  Start working on the things on your bucket list if you have one.  Volunteer.

Too many people think that marriage is the start to your life, but it really isn’t.  It’s a new chapter, sure, but that doesn’t mean you need to sit here and constantly think about a proposal and weddings.  You’re 21!  Live your life!  Go out with friends!  Now is the time to truly enjoy life and become the woman you’ve wanted to be.  Marriage is of course wonderful, but it’s not a be-all end-all thing.

Post # 15
Member
805 posts
Busy bee

I can understand this, to an extent. I’m 22, S.O soon to be 23, and we’ll be graduating in a year. We’ve obviously talked about engagement/marriage as well, since we will be graduating soon and moving in together next Fall. However, both of us have expressed our desire to hit certain points before moving onto that stage. That includes graduating, living together for at LEAST a year, with both of us in a professionally establish career. So, best case scenerio, we’re looking at engagement at 24 at the earliest, but probably closer to 25, which wedding closer to 26. And would I love to start that chapter of our life NOW? Of course! When you’ve found the person you want to spend forever with, you want to start ‘forever’ as soon as possible. 

However, just try and get yourself in the mindset that that chapter WILL come, but you’re not at that chapter yet. Like the previous poster mentioned-live life! That’s not to say you can’t do those things while married, but now is the perfect time to throw yourself into new, unexpected things. You can still do all of those things, even IN a relationship. Grab a drink at the bar with your friends once a week, throw yourself into your school notes with a new dedication, try a sport you normally wouldn’t (Like rock climbing-just tried. It’s HARD) give yourself a crazy new hairstyle, switch up your look, perfect your resume, volunteer at a local non-profit. All of these things are so GREAT to do, and we’re early 20’s! We should be doing these things, and if your S.O wants to join in on it, awesome! If you just do them yourself, even better! Focus on the relationship, but also throw a lot of energy into YOU right now. Three years down the road, when we’re planning our wedding and stressed like no ones business, we’re going to think back to these care free moments. Make sure you fill those memories with new and refreshing adventures-both you and your S.O. 

Your time will come, but don’t forget to live in the NOW ๐Ÿ™‚

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