Post # 1
Mind you I’m very upset at this moment. But It has been building up….
We have been together 10 years, living together for 5. We just got engaged last fall and are planning the wedding for 2012. After we got engaged, we had 2 months of lovey-dovey romance…lots of sex, lots of affection, both so happy to be engaged and together.
Like a freight train we fell into a black hole. Fighting often, a 90% decrease in our sex life and in the quality of our sex, and just a lot of general jerky comments back and forth. We are both guilty, but I DEFINITELY DO feel he is mor responsible for lacking in care and maintenance in all departments. He even blew off my birthday, did very very little to celebrate.
He hasnt expressed or acted like he doesnt want to get married,….In the midst of all our static we are still trekking on and planning the wedding together and we aren’t fighting about the wedding plans at all.
He is putting zero effort energy into fixing whatever is wrong with us, he acts like he doesn’t even notice.
I worry that we have jynxxed ourselves by getting engaged after so long.
Post # 3
Have you done anything to address the problems, or to fix whats wrong? Are you even sure of what it might be? You are both equally responsible for your relationship, so the effort definitely needs to be 100%-100%. Have you both considered marriage counseling? What exactly are you both ‘guilty’ of?
Post # 4
yea you guys need to work this out asap. You say its not planning the weding thats problem, so what else has changed other than the engagement? Are you fighting about a particular issue? Did you have any of these problems before you were engaged?
Post # 5
I can honestly say that Fiance and I have had wayyyy more arguments after the engagement than before. But they are always about wedding stuff. He is super involved and wants to plan every little detail. If you’re not fighting about the wedding, you should figure out what else changed. Then you can work on fixing it, see a counselor, etc etc. I’m sorry you’re going through this. 🙁
Post # 6
I don’t mean to be the sore thumb.. but has there been a change with your Fiance at work or something? My first question if I were in this position would be if my Fiance was being faithful? Or maybe his job is stressfull or something. Whatever the problem may be, if you are sure you want to marry this man and spend the rest of your life with him out of love and not convinence, you should prob seek counseling.
Post # 7
Weddings are stressful! As much as it’s an enjoyable time, it is a life changing event that will stress even the best relationship. It’s the process of bringing two families together and means permanency even if you have been together a long time.
First off – is there anything else that may be stressing either of you? For instance, work, change in where you live, other big events in life?
Second, Have you thought about attending a pre-marital class together? For example, http://www.stayhitched.com/
Third, John Gottman is a fantastic author and expert on marriage if you want to work on things together, you can get his book. There are some exercises you can do together in the book. http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1310068810&sr=1-4
Best of luck! Don’t worry about jinxing it – not possible. It’s whatever you two built together and you obviously love one another very much!