(Closed) Now that you are planning a wedding, do you ever cringe at your past etiquette?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4382 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!

The two worst cringes that I can think of are:

-We were invited to a wedding last fall for one of my fiance’s coworkers, and we neither rsvp-ed or sent a gift.

-For a wedding a few years ago for a family friend’s daughter, I didn’t want to bother to go to the ceremony, so I just showed up at the reception with my then (d-bag)boyfriend to take advantage of the open bar. I was going through a phase. lol

Ugh, both of those make me want to put myself in time-out. lol

Post # 4
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Yes.. I went to a friends wedding without even RSVPing that I was going and I only got her a $20 gift card (that was a lot to me at the time though, not much money to spare)

While planning my wedding I was talking to her about a couple things and she said they had to pay WAY over the regular amount for people who showed up above the head count.

I felt so bad!


Post # 5
144 posts
Blushing bee

Totally guilty! I not only RSVP-ed past the deadline once, but bought the couple one of those scary crystal frames as a gift (despite the fact that they had a registry). Karma is a b*tch though. With 3 days left ’til the due date, only half our guests have responded to our wedding….and I better start clearing off the mantle for all the crystal frames that will inevitably come our way. πŸ™‚

Post # 6
164 posts
Blushing bee

YES! I think about this all the time – mainly the fact that I now think that I should have given more money as the gift! Luckily I have not been to that many weddings, and no very good friends (I’m the first in my group of friends to get married)…but still, now that I know what it takes and how much $$$ goes into it, I wish I had been more generous!

I have been guilty of RSVPing a bit late as well πŸ™ Never again!

Post # 7
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I was a guilty late/non-rsvp’er! I think I can blame my (somewhat) minimal wedding faux paus being that since I moved out of my parents house, I really havent known many people who’ve gotten hitched.

Post # 8
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have failed to RSVP to at least two weddings. On top of that, I never sent a gift to one of them. Finally last year I did manage to RSVP to a wedding……… by FACEBOOK MESSAGE. Sigh.

Post # 9
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Oooh but in my defense, one of the RSVP envelopes wasn’t stamped and we didn’t have stamps so we never got around to going to the post office to mail their RSVP. We tried to go on their wedding website but there was no “Decline” option online, just an “Accept”. I will NEVER send out RSVP’s without stamps– to me thats worse than not replying back at all!

Post # 10
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

When I was 18 and fresh out of high school, I took my friend, the bride, up on her verbal invitation. I used to date her older brother (about a year previously) and brought my new boyfriend to the wedding and reception. Ex boyfriend was at the buffet with us, telling my new boyfriend (now my husband!) he was a lucky man over and over….i brought her a nice gift and she never thanked me for it. Does that mean we’re even?

Another time, I insisted we bring a gift to husband’s friend’s weddimg. They were having a sweet little weddinmg and they were military. Said friend insisted we NOT bring a gift. I was so embarassed to show up empty handed. I still cannot believe we did that and Darling Husband keeps saying it was no big deal. Oye.

I’ve not RSVP’d a few times, but only b/c the invitation went to a place that i no longer lived at. Not really my fault, but i felt bad!

Otherwise, I used to buy nice gifts off registries and now i ONLY do registry gifts. Granted i was a poor college kid and a Mikasa Outlet store isn’t necessarily a bad gift.

Nothing major though. Etiquette is a big to-do in my household and mom always informed me what was appropriate and what wasn’t for the most part.

Post # 11
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I am guilty of showing up with a white dress, not RSVPing, missing the ceremony, and not buying a gift.  ALL the same wedding!  It’s incredibly embarassing to think about now, but I had never been invited to a wedding before!  I was so clueless then…

Post # 12
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Nope. I am and always was a perfect angel. πŸ˜‰ hahhaa…

Actually my lapses in good behavior have never been on the etiquette front. But there is one thing I do differently now that I am planning my own wedding: it’s how I treat the bride when I am a bridesmaid. The first time I was asked to be a bridesmaid, it was for my cousin’s Fiance, who I didn’t particularly like (I think she just wanted more people on her side since she didn’t really have any good friends). Well, whenever I disagreed with anything she wanted us to do or anything she wanted to do, I bitched and moaned about it, A LOT. Now that I think about it, I was kind of mean. I don’t do that anymore. πŸ™‚ I don’t need karma to get me back for that one!!!

Post # 13
144 posts
Blushing bee

Even this topic reminded me of something that makes me cringe!

I was in college on full scholarship working hard on a double major.  Part of the scholarship required me to work 15 hours a week on campus for pennies an hour (good thing it was a totally fun job) to earn money for textbooks and dance clothes.

One of my majors was dance and it was mandatory to dance in seniors’ and graduate students’ theses performances both semesters.

Summary: no time, no money.

The sister of my then-bf was getting married.  The family loved me and refused to allow me to decline.  I had absolutely nothing to wear.  Very fancy wedding, like 300+ people.

I borrowed a modest dress from a dorm friend. 

I wore my ballet shoes.  Not ballet flats – real ballet shoes but not toe shoes.  I chose my best ones but they were still pretty scruffy.


I had happily forgotten how badly I dressed in college.  And my sister still doesn’t get it that I ALWAYS want to wear nice clothes whenever I leave my house.




Post # 14
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heinz Chapel Ceremony, Museum Reception

This isn’t specifically wedding-related but makes me cringe nonetheless: I used to be HORRIBLE about thank-you notes. As in, NEVER wrote them, even when the situation very clearly called for one. My mom raised me always writing thank-you notes, but I went through this phase in college where I felt like thank-you notes were an insincere, overly formal, outdated gesture. Once I got older, I really started to see the value in writing them, and feel totally embarrassed about the notes I should have written in the past.

Post # 15
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

OMG, carrie.a.s.b – I am totally with you on that. When I graduated college I never wrote Thank You’s for money I received from relatives *shudders* Never again! I totally get it now!!! πŸ™‚


I don’t have anything wedding related either. A wedding I went to this past December I felt so guilty about only giving $40 to cover me and my Fiance (now husband). I thought I was going to get laid off in January, though, which was the only reason. But looking back I feel pretty bad for only giving that amount – since she is a good friend. To make it worse she couldn’t attend our wedding because her SIL was marrying on the same day and her card was in our mailbox a few days prior to our wedding with a big “congrats! SO sorry we can’t make it!” and a check for a lot more than I gave her πŸ™

Post # 16
144 posts
Blushing bee

Another story –

I purposely threw one rsvp card in the trash.  It was lovely.



A couple of years ago one of the gals in the office where I worked was a super control freak b**ch.  She was awful to all her sister-colleagues.  I was her boss so she couldnt’ pull as much [email protected] on me.

She went on and on and on about her wedding for months on end.  Which makeup artist, which hair stylist, which photographer.  All were big names in the SF metro area.  What a snob!

Her invitations were the most gorgeous I had ever seen – I’ll give her that.

The OUTDOOR BACKYARD wedding was to take place 1.5 hours away in a town with scorching June heat – like 45c or 110f.

Her FH was from a wealthy family.  She was from a medium $ family.  This ties in soon – Ipromise.

A couple of months before the wedding, she mentioned she and FH were having a wedding but not getting married because she didn’t want her scholarship reduced until she finished her MFA – 3 years later minimum.


WTH!   It’s not like they are lesbians and they are prohibited by law from marrying!


She was scoulding and hating on me saying “you are SUPPOSED to turn in your rsvp card.” 

I knew I was quitting that job a couple of months later so I just shrugged my shoulders and kept my mouth shut.


What a brat!  Some poor and nice girl could have had those scholarships!


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