(Closed) Now that your baby is coming

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think about this all the time!  We might just keep our new family a secret, but none of them live near. 

Post # 4
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Luckily for me, I don’t have this “problem”…first, both sets of grandparents to be are pretty normal & likeable (not LOVEABLE, but it’s very easy to be polite & civil & accomodating) to me & Hubs; second, both sets of GPs to be live over 350 miles away. 

BUT, one of the BMs at my wedding absolutely ABHORS her Mother-In-Law…used to like her BEFORE their daughter came along, now CAN’T STAND her, and her Mother-In-Law lives within 25 miles.  So, here’s how she tries to handle it: my Bridesmaid or Best Man sets the terms & determines the times that her family sees the ILs.  For example: NO stay overs without making specific itineraries first.  She & her hubs made a deal that whenever they stay over at the ILs, they spend 75% of the day (& night) AWAY from the actual ILs…like make plans to see a show or go to the park or shop for something specific in the area.  Additionally, meals, even with the ILs, will be at a restaurant…so Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t have to deal with “doing things MIL’s way.”  Bridesmaid or Best Man bites the bullet on this particular caveat…she & hubs pay for the dinners to encourage the ILs to eat out. Finally, Bridesmaid or Best Man made sure that hubs made it clear to ILs that Bridesmaid or Best Man & hubs’ rules with their daughter are strictly enforced during stay overs…if a rule is violated by the ILs, Bridesmaid or Best Man can opt to not stay over.  As for ILs coming over to BM’s house, when Mother-In-Law comes over to watch the daughter (which she does once a week), Bridesmaid or Best Man hired a nanny to “watch” the Mother-In-Law…to make sure that rules are enforced (if Mother-In-Law doesn’t enforce them, nanny does), and to be aware of any kind of “influence” Mother-In-Law tries on the daughter – i.e. no turning the daughter against the Bridesmaid or Best Man with promises or bribes & such.  These precautions cost Bridesmaid or Best Man some pretty pennies, but gives her piece of mind while still fostering a healthy relationship between Mother-In-Law & her daughter.

Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m not pregnant yet (my husband and I are TTC) and I don’t see my in-laws or my family very much. I  really don’t plan on making any effort to see my DH’s family more often just b/c we have a child. I don’t think it’s a safe enviroment and we don’t get along very well.

Post # 6
Member
990 posts
Busy bee

OMG…

This post is right up my alley…

I absolutely LOATHE the idea of spending more time with the man’s family just because we had a baby. His mom and sister cannot stand me with a serious passion and I am not a big fan of Satan spawn either (his mother told me to consider abortion when I told her I was pregnant and that my life would be over–meanwhile she had her first baby at 15)…I would love for my child to know them, but guaranteed my baby girl will spend more time with my family. They loved her from the start, and have been there every step of the way.

Post # 7
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

This isn’t strictly an issue of boundaries, but when my parents first got married, they moved 4 hours drive away (from both families, since they were from next-door-towns), because they knew they wanted to have their own space to create a family of their own, without so much influence from one side or the other. I don’t know if there were specific issues or not, but whatever it was, I do know that they really valued the early years when they lived away from family. They moved back, about 45 minutes from both my sets of grandparents, six years later, when my brother was four and I was two.

I think it’s really important for you and your husband to estalish boundaries together, whatever those may be, and however drastic they may need to (moving is a drastic way to enforce it!). 🙂

Post # 8
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Both of our families are close by and I get along extremely well with my inlaws!  I am so grateful for them since they’ve always been able to lend a hand when necessary with the kids.  Whether it was taking the one kid who wasn’t sick, or helping when all 4 of them were sick and puking all over the place, or to just lend a hand after I had baby #4.  I am so blessed to have them!!! 

Post # 9
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

 Wow…I don’t have enough room or time to write about how awful/dreadful/down right ruthless my inlaws are. (And thats me being nice!LOL) When my son was born 2 months early they never once came and seen him in the NICU the whole 2 weeks he was there. I was in the hospital for a whole month during my pregnancy and never once did they come see me. They told my hubby to keep updating them through the phone. Then when he finally got to come home from the hospital they saw him. He wasn’t even 4lbs when he came home and the first thing my hubbys dad said when my husbands mom tried to hand the baby over to him was “I don’t want to touch him. I know DJ (My husband) will just pull away from us again and I don’t want to get attached to your kid.” This was in my freakin living room that he denied his grandchild! Needless to say they havn’t seen him in 2 years. I do send Christmas cards though! I want them to see what a wonderful baby boy their son is raising. (And yes rub it in their face a little!) Theres soooo much more. Its just all around an awful situation.

 Also needless to say that they will not have any part in this next babies life. And I couldn’t be happier!  I would LOVE to have great inlaws. I just got the short end of the stick with that one.

 

Post # 10
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Since getting pregnant, I’ve been a little concerned about my Mother-In-Law. She is loving and really great, but right now I’m struggling to really figure out my relationship with her. She has pretty set opinions on things, and we don’t see eye to eye. She’s really good most of the time about keeping things to herself. But now and then we don’t agree and it gets tense. It’s hard because Darling Husband and I are there almost every weekend because he works on the family farm on weekends.

I am pretty confident that I’ll be able to stick to my guns. For the most part I think we’ll agree, but with some things like using a pacifier and sleep training, I know I’ll be contending with their opinions. Thankfully Darling Husband is great and very supportive and I know he’s got my back. I’m thankful my issues with the in-laws are as minor as they are, and that we can get along and enjoy spending time together.

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