Post # 1
Are people treating you differently now that you’re married? 99.9% of my friends are exactly how they were beforehand, but one (divorced 20 years ago, and 20 years older than me) has been distancing me all summer (got married Aug. 28th). She is what I considered one of my closest friends, she even threw me a shower (I gave her a thoughtful thank you gift), but then she didn’t come to the wedding…just the reception. She maybe said two words to me there. Please keep in mind that I was not a wedding obsessed bride, I rarely talked about planning because really I’m a tom-boy.
Two weeks after our wedding, my husband was sent across the country to work until Christmas (if I’m lucky I’ll have him back by then)…I would really love to be spending time with my friends right now, but this one in particular won’t return my calls, emails, texts, etc. I ask her if she liked to get together to go riding “no, I’m too busy” …then I’ll find out she went anyway with other mutual friends.
Just wondering if anyone else has had this happen, and how they fixed it…
Post # 3
I’d ask her straight out what’s up?! If she’s a close friend it’s definitely worth confronting her about and hopefully sorting the situation out!
Post # 4
Yeah, I have had a few friends who don’t really talk to me much since I got married 3.5 months ago. It’s hard, because my husband is gone a lot too, and I don’t feel like things are different, I still have a lot of free time…but I guess they just see it as a different situation now. I’ve made a lot of new friends in the past few months though, and they don’t seem to care one way or another! If you feel comfortable talking to your distant friend, do so…communication is always a good thing!
Post # 5
That has happened to me with a couple of friends too. Those friends are ones who are a little older than i am and are looking to find their true loves still. I think I understand why but as someone who waited until I was 34 to get married, I never ditched any of my friends when they got married…I celebrated it with them! It stings but I just try to remember how they must feel and hope that they come back into my life when they’re ready. I continue to reach out with quick emails, phone messages, etc. I might get tired of being the only making the effort soon but I’ll keep trying until I get to that point!
Post # 6
I’ve said this before, but I actually had one friend move away I think partially b/c she was so jealous. My engagement was just the icing on the cake, she went through about 5 years straight of her close friends getting in serious relationships, engaged, etc. and I was sort of the last woman standing for her. She couldn’t stand it any more and even admitted it and actually moved back to her home state. It was really sad for me because I value her friendship a lot and I think she made the decision with haste and of course she isn’t any happier there now.
Post # 7
Maybe it isn’t the marriage, especially since she gave you a shower. I hope things work out.
That is the cutest avatar pic. Gonna copy that one day.LOL
Post # 8
Actually my best friend ditched me BEFORE my wedding and hasn’t spoken to me since!
We were best friends and were both in a relationship at the same time. Her boyfriend ended up being a real jerk and she got burned really badly. All of her friends, myself included, tried to warn her that there was something fishy about the guy she was with.
Because my relationship worked out and hers didn’t, she just didn’t view me in the same manner anymore. She tried to tell me that the same thing would happen to me if I went through with my marriage plans. It hurt a lot in the beginning, but it’s been over five years now. She still lives in my hometown and even goes to my church, so I see her every week. However, she avoids me like the plague and hasn’t spoken a word to me since a couple of months before my husband and I were married.
I have great friends now that have taken her place and she’s more like a distant memory at this point. I don’t think she was ever really my friend at all, and when this happened it allowed me to see that more clearly. She was always very controlling during our friendship and I never saw it until she completely turned her back on me.
Most of my friends now are married with children, just like my husband and me. I do still have a few single friends and some divorced ones as well. True friends will stick with you through anything…a lesson sometimes learned the hard way.
Post # 9
Well I can’t say that my friends have ditched me per say.. I’m in a little different of a situation since I moved to Germany after the wedding since my husband is stationed here. So, it makes it really hard to have contact with my friends. I have to rely on Facebook a lot since phone calls are expensive for them to call me and the time difference. Booo, but I’m trying to make the best of it.
Post # 10
i can say that i’ve had a one friend that this has happened with and other friends who have just become distant.
My one friend didn’t think i valued our friendship when i couldn’t meet up during the wedding planning/house hunting time in our life. I called her a few times each month while we were busy planning/hunting and after not getting any sort of response back after three or four calls I decided to stop calling. By then we were sending out our invites and since she didn’t return my calls, i opted not to invite her. That basically was the nail in the coffin from her perspective.
Post # 11
Yep! I’m pretty young (22 next month!) and most of my friends don’t even have boyfriends and are still in the crazy party-ing stage of their life still. I pretty much lost all my friends after getting married – especially now that I’ve got the baby brain and will be TTC soon. Even my Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t talk to me anymore. It kinna sucks, but you just have to keep on keeping on I suppose. There are more people out there and I’m sure you’ll find some new friends that are in a similar point of their life.
Post # 12
a lot of my friends have distanced themselves for a long time, as I am in a very different stage of life than they are.
early 20something, with a house kid and life partner soon to be married, while lots of my friends (not all mind you) are still very party-party-party oriented or so aborbed in “student issues” (you know, fight for your rights and all that) that they don’t have time for anyone outside of their socio-political circle, and while I can respect their fervor for a cause, it boggles me to cut someone out of your life simply because they don’t go to every.single.rally.
but life goes on, I know I will (and have) continue to make new connections and new friends.
Post # 13
@SHESCOUNTRY: I think it’s really hard on you, but if she’s having a hard time with you getting married (jealousy issues and such) it’s probably harder on her. Maybe that’s why she’s distancing herself–she can’t be truly happy for you right now.
If you really like her, just leave the door open and continue on with your life. She might just need time.