(Closed) Now we're both angry….

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I too have been waiting for a proposal.  But we never discuss it (unless I bring it up).  I give you credit for at least saying something.  I’m afraid to, because it always ends up a fight.  He’ll say “what if I was planning something”…..and i’ve ruined it.  Really?  almost 3 years later?  Communication is key…and we don’t have it.

I think my BF is dragging his feet.  We live together. 

Are you living together? 

I hope you get that proposal you’re looking for.

Post # 18
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Nona99:  This this this! You always say EXACTLY what I’m thinking, but in the super-fabulous way that I wish I knew how to say it!

Post # 19
Member
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

All I can say is I feel for ya, girl. I was such a mess when I was waiting (5 years, too…) and I couldn’t concentrate on anything because that is all I thought about. We fought a LOT more during that time, which doesn’t happen anymore , thank goodness. Don’t feel guilty at all–you have put in your time and if he doesn’t understand that then it may be time for another chat. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself. Five years is plenty of time for him to figure out what he wants. 

Post # 20
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@oneofthesethings:  +1

View original reply
@yellowlace:  +1

OP, I think you need to think objectively about what kind of relationship you want for your marriage.  I think you should also see if you can visualize that kind of relationship for you and your SO.  If you can, then work at it and see what happens.  If you cannot, then it’s probably best to part ways.

I can understand his frustration, but him blaming you for him not proposing isn’t really healthy behavior.  If this is how he resolves conflict, this is how he will always tend to resolve conflict with you.  You need to decide if you are OK with that or not.

You didn’t tell him the entire truth when he asked you what was wrong the other day.  While on one hand I can understand not wanting to seem pushy, but he picked up that something was wrong and wanted to know why.  Why do you feel so uncomfortable telling him the truth, in spite of it being a difficult conversation?

I personally would not be involved with someone for five years without a formal committment, but that is just me.  I know my current SO will propose shortly after getting the ring; he cannot wait for me to be his fiance.  If your SO has sat on the ring for so long (4-6 months?  I can’t remember), he’s obviously conflicted.  Some men may take a long time to make a decision, but if he’s still conflicted after buying the ring, he still doesn’t know for sure.

I don’t know about leaving for a few days, but I do think you have some soul searching to do.  You are going to make the best choice for you, and no one can make you feel guilty about that.

Post # 22
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

@Beeyoutifully Me:  I think you should tell him exactly what you said here:

“I love him so damn much — I just don’t like feeling pain about this and wish we could get to the good part already.  I’ll admit I’m bitter because I have wanted this for a long time — maybe selfishly in the beginning.  But, now it’s because I know he’s the one and I’m ready to move on to the next phase of life with him.  I just wish his plans were in place to make that happen.”

 

And then suck it up and say sorry.  Sorry for letting your mom and his mom and granny know how you were feeling about something so intimate in your relationship, and not allowing him to know.  Sorry for getting emotionally upset when he didn’t propose.

 

And then wait patiently for the good part to happen.  Good luck!

Post # 23
Hostess
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Beeyoutifully Me:  just wanted to say this sucks and I’m sorry you are in this shitty situation!  I hope it turns around soon!

Post # 24
Member
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Beeyoutifully Me:  I think you have every right to be disappointed- it’s not like you haven’t been together long enough or you are rushing things and you are completely entitled to your feelings.  I know people say not to talk to SO about waiting because it “puts pressure on them” but I think it is crap- this is the 21st century!  Open and honest communication is very important and if you are hurt and upset you should communicate that. Why should the girl patiently suffer in silence through the waiting process? Guys are pretty dense and they won’t know they hurt your feelings unless you tell them. 

As for all the family involved, it is great that they adore you and that everyone is close!! But it may be best to keep some things between you and your SO.  Your SO looks like the jerk who didn’t man up and take a knee, so I can see why he is upset.  He might feel like this tainted the engagement.  You may want to leave the family out in the future.

Good luck, and don’t worry, it will all blow over!! *BIG HUG*

Post # 25
Member
490 posts
Helper bee

From now on DO NOT EXPECT A PROPOSAL just because there were “SUBTLE HINTS” being thrown around. It will only lead to situations like this where you are left feeling down in the dumps. Please don’t give your hopes up because it will only continue driving you nuts. If he has talked about being in a serious relationship with you then he will propose when he is ready! It takes two to be ready, we can see that you are ready, but is he? Obviously he wasn’t ready at the party. So what if its been 5 years, things come with time. You’ll get the ring soon, just don’t nag him!

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