@Nona99: I totally agree with what you have so beautifully written. We’re both in a very vulnerable space right now. I hate the emotions that come with waiting. I know for certain that he loves me — but the waiting feels like he’s putting me off because of some doubt he has (even if that’s not true). I always wonder if this “perfect moment” men seek has more to do with fear than impressing us women by the perfect proposal.
I agree that we have both handled this poorly. He could have said, “Baby, mom tells me you were upset, why didn’t you tell me? I have something else planned, don’t worry”. Instead he got upset with me and insinuated that I was the reason for things not going a certain way (how painful for a waiting gal to hear!).
I could have said, “Hon, after all the weeks of planning and anticipating this family event, I was kinda hoping you were going to pop the question….I hate saying this because I don’t want you to feel pressured, but that’s what I was hoping for in the back of my mind”. Yes, I could have said that. But, he would gotten all bent out of shape because he already felt bad about it not happening — it would have been like putting salt on a wound. And honestly, I was so, damn tired and emotionally spent (we didn’t get home until after 3a.m).
I think me and the SO have a great relationship outside of his proposal drama. I have known him for 9 years and I will admit he’s not perfect. No, he’s not. Neither am I!!! (shocker!) But, we have jumped over lots of hurdles and we are supportive of each other. His behavior/attitude about this is NOT healthy — I agree. But, I keep in mind the fact that, according to so many of you Bees, proposals are a big deal for guys. From what has been shared here, I think his behavior has a lot to do with the fact that he feels bad, guilty, slightly embarassed, like he missed an opportunity, annoyed that I’m upset, annoyed I didn’t tell him, annoyed that he’s annoyed, overwhelmed by what to do next, etc.
I love him so damn much — I just don’t like feeling pain about this and wish we could get to the good part already. I’ll admit I’m bitter because I have wanted this for a long time — maybe selfishly in the beginning. But, now it’s because I know he’s the one and I’m ready to move on to the next phase of life with him. I just wish his plans were in place to make that happen.