(Closed) Now what?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ve not been in that specific situation, but there’s always something new to learn about your partner. Adventures are still there for the taking even if you’re not engaged yet! 

Post # 3
Member
10274 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We dated for 7 years before getting engaged. We didn’t do anything specific to keep things interesting. We kept going on dates, we spent time together, we hung out with friends, we had new experiences (vacations, trying new activities, etc), we lived our lives and then got engaged when we were ready.

Post # 4
Member
4104 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My husband and I dated for over 5 years before we got engaged. I didn’t see it as a lull period. We continued to get to know each other in that time, worked on our individual career/education goals, and simply enjoyed being together. Maybe plan a vacation for the two of you.. Find a new hobby you can enjoy together. 

Post # 5
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee

That’s where my boyfriend and I are at now. We’ve been dating for over 2 years now, and we know we’re going to get engaged, we’ve talked about engagement rings and weddings and such, but it’s not going to be for over a year. I offered to help pay for my engagement ring, because the one I want is really expensive, but we just moved, it keeps things interesting. The way we’ve gotten over the lull is to just embrace it. We go on stupid dates, do stupid things, and just relax and wait for it to happen 

Post # 6
Member
9518 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If you are concerned about a lull between dating and marriage what are you going to do about the lull after the wedding?

Post # 7
Member
605 posts
Busy bee

If you’re feeling a lull now a wedding won’t fix it. I understand if you mean you feel a bit down that things aren’t progressing as fast as you are hoping, and with that regard the best thing to do is look at it as if you’ll never get this time back. The time you’ll be dating is so short that you want to make the most of it. Trips, dates, find new games to play, groups of friends etc.

Post # 8
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

If you see it as a lull now, what happens after the wedding? I’m not trying to rain on your parade or put you down but if you feel like you’re just waiting to get married, I think you’re missing key moments in your relationship now. 

Fiance and I dated for nearly 4 years before he decided to ask me: never once felt like a lull or I was just waiting for something to happen. 

Post # 9
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

I’m dating my SO for almost 5 years and I’m still “waiting”. There’s no lull in the relationship. We get on living our joint lives together. An engagement or a wedding will be happy celebrations for us at some point but we already love together so marrying isn’t going to make much of a difference in our day to day lives. (That said I cannot wait to marry him 😊)

Post # 10
Member
2559 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

We happily dated for a full 8 years, again, no lull. We recently got engaged and are in the thick of planning the wedding. We take a big vacation every other year, little get always for the weekend, and we have our own careers and lives. I often used to take girls trips and he would visit family, I did yoga he played basketball etc. If you keep yourself entertained then he will seem more interesting too. If all you’ve got is the guy it can get ‘boring’.

Post # 11
Member
8279 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
akshali2000 :  Focus on hobbies and activities for yourself, do things you have always wanted to do but haven’t got round to yet, go on adventues, have nice date nights together. Don’t think of this time as a lull think of this is fun time to share together doing activities you may not be able to afford / invest time in once you are busy with wedding planning.

Post # 12
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Been with my SO going on 5 years, lived together for 4 or so. No lull, and mind the cliche but I feel as though our lives get better every day we’re together. To have a lull after 2 years is concerning. Enjoy what is essentially still a new relationship (in the grand scheme of spending your whole lives together) and go on holidays, try new things, create new memories whilst you have no money/organising wedding stress and the responsibility of children. 

Post # 13
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I think lull or no lull depends strongly on what your dating life is like. I moved in with my bf before we started dating. We were friends, roommates, then fwb for a while, then entered into a relationship. Though I know I’m waiting for the official-ness of formally declaring we want to spend our lives together… truthfully, that’s what we are doing right now. If OP is not living with her bf or meeting all his family or taking trips or being intimate, or sharing in goals…. then 2 years of “dating” might seem like– what now? Marriage won’t change much for me or for many bees but…

My college suitemate wasn’t allowed culturally to touch her bf/fiance until marriage in anyway but hand holding and closed mouth kisses. (Not sure if that touch was allowed, but they did it, lol, but that’s all.) They dated forever. She was an inch shy of insane waiting for the proposal!

 

View original reply
akshali2000 :  how much of your lives are you sharing (allowed to share?) now? Can we have more info on lull reason?

Post # 14
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
akshali2000 :  Just read some of your posts. Should have done that first! Sorry!

Of course in an LDR, waiting for moving in until after marriage might feel like a huge lull! Many bees aren’t waiting to share their lives, like me they already are. I feel your you. I can tell you my suitemate and her now hubby became jacks of all trades together while dating. Pottery. SCUBA. Ballroom dance. Bingo. Karaoke. Cooking classes. Book clubs. Wine clubs…(Actual shortenedlist, here.) But then again, they were in the same city. Sorry, bee. 

 

Post # 15
Member
80 posts
Worker bee

I’m in a similar situation as in we’ve been together 2 years and I’m sort of waiting. I know it will happen one day but we have no timeline, so I don’t know if it will happen tomorrow or in years to come but I do know we have the rest of our lives together, so I just enjoy the relationship for what it is in this moment. We have date nights, we look after each other and we enjoy every moment we spend together, and

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