(Closed) NTNP… But always disappointed when AF comes

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Absolutely! We’ve been NTNP since the wedding (4+ months), and I’ve been hoping to see 2 lines each month. I’m actually starting to resent Darling Husband because of it, as silly as it sounds. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not putting all the blame on him for not getting me pregnant (I know that it takes time, and it could even be ME that has the complications, etc.), but he’s been so lax with wanting to BD that it’s driving me insane! HE originally wanted to get married/TTC late last year, but pushed back plans due to family issues (his brother not being able to attend, etc.). Now that it’s time to really get down n’ dirty, however, he’s got the, “Meh, whatever” attitude about it.

He talks me around in circles about it, too… one minute he says we’ll aim to get pregnant by March at the latest (so I can either be really pregnant, or have a newborn by Christmas), but when I try to get him in the mood for BD, he blows it off–and then when another month goes by and I’m upset when AF shows, he tells me we’re trying! Obviously he’s cool with 30%, lol.

Post # 4
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

@monet11:  DH and I had been NTNP for 15 months, and it does wear on you. I was reluctant to start charting/temping and all that, but now I realize it would probably be smarter in the long run to know when I ovulate and when to BD (although we BD regularly throughout the month). We recently decided to wait a year before TTC again, but I’m still making an appt with the gyno to see if there are any fertility issues.

Post # 5
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@monet11:  Maybe it’s a sign that you should transition to TTC instead and start tracking things? I’m totally in support of the stress free, see what happens attitude but if it’s giving you anxiety, it’s not stress free anymore is it? Sometimes being a little more in control of your odds can help that. Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I felt the same way for three months. Then my friend gave me her clearblue easy fertility monitor and Darling Husband kept asking what it said. Whenever I said low you could tell how disappointed he was and he even asked me what if it never says high or peak. You could tell it was something he’s been thinking about for awhile. I almost cried when it said peak I was so happy lol. So yes, charting or using an opk will help relieve the anxiety quite a bit.

Post # 7
Member
2226 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@AcheneMalefic:  I agree. It sounds to me that you guys really have it in your head that you want to get pregnant but for some reason dont want to call it TTC. Charting would be a more functional way to understand why you haven’t gotten pregnant rather than being dissapointed when AF comes(No BD no BFP!)

Post # 8
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@monet11:  My Darling Husband and I had to clear this up just this week – because we agreed to ‘try’…but more under the framework of NTNP. But the fact is if you don’t ‘try’ during the right time of the month, you will never get pregnant.

We had to re-evaluate and decide that in fact we are not pressuring ourselves, no clinical talk, none of that but we want to get pregnant so I had to explain to him the there is a window of fertile time of the month (which he didn’t know at all…) and so we should really have a lot of sex during that time of the month. 🙂 It was as simple as that. Then just enjoy sex the rest of the month so that it still feels natural and not only about the pressure to concieve.. if you’re getting disappointed it sounds like its time to time it better. My Darling Husband said he felt better calling it what it was..which is ‘trying’. Kind of cleared the air a bit for us and got us on the same page.

You don’t have to go crazy charting and all that stuff, just have sex around day 14-18 depending on how your cycle is, 2 weeks period, 2 weeks later ovulation, 2 weeks later period…and that’s it. But if you’re ‘leaving it up to nature’ then you have to give nature a hand by having sex at the right time of the month.

Post # 9
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We are NTNP starting literally tomorrow, and I know I’m going to feel the same way. Even though we’re not going to chart and are supposed to be taking the laid back approach, I know I’ll be looking for the BFP every month from now on. I’m going to try to not stress about it!! I hope you get your BFP soon!!

Post # 10
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is what I had to do the first month that we were “NTNP”….. I was charting, but you don’t necessarily have to chart.  I just pretended like I was OMG UNSATIABLE HORNY for the few days during my fertile window, and put on THE BIGGEST show ever for Darling Husband pretending like I just absolutely could not get enough of him.  I whipped out some sexy outfits, I would send him naughty texts throughout the day, he loved it and really thought I was uncontrollably in the mood (which isn’t completely untrue–I am always much more in the mood during fertile window anyways).  Well, that month didn’t result in a BFP, but the timing was still good!  Haha. If you don’t want to go too crazy, but still would like to do a little more to help your chances, you should try OPK’s…your Darling Husband doesn’t even have to know you are doing them.  I just ordered the super cheap ones from Amazon and they worked well enough for me.  Then, once you get a positive, just try and have sex for 3 days in a row starting that day, skip a day, then one more time.  This is when you could really “turn on the heat” and act like you just cannot get enough of your husband.  Haha.  

Also, do you use any lubricant?  I did not know until we were TTC that normal lubricant and even saliva as lubricant can kill/inhibit sperm, so I also ordered some Pre-seed and all oral was off-limits until after I ovulated.  If this sounds a little too crazy, too, try drinking some grean tee every day to increase your own natuaral fertile cervical fluid, then you hardly even need lubricant.  

I would just start simple but a little more in depth than what you are doing now to increase your chances, and then maybe after a while if you don’t have success, you can talk further with Darling Husband about really trying trying.  Then I would totally recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility and charting once you decide to do the whole 9 yards.  It is somewhat stressful, but way more of a peace of mind thing, so that way you can really find out how your cycle is and it’s an easy way to get some insight into any potential problems.  I decided to chart and do everything from the get-go, and it helped me to identify a short-ish luteal phase (probably from just getting off the pill).  I did end up getting a BFP despite the short luteal phase, but if I didn’t and it never improved, it would have been great info to take to a doctor.  Also, I had light bleeding for a few days and I would have never known I was pregnant if I wasn’t tracking my temperatures.  Thank goodness, because now I know no more alcohol and time to cut my caffeine!  Had I not been charting, I would have marked it off as an early but light period and just went on with my life.  

Good luck!!! Sorry I just wrote a ton :S

Post # 11
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

@MrsRugbee:  Absolutely. We were trying to relax and just let whatever happened, happen (with active BD daily or every other day for 15 months lol), but now I’m concerned. We had one MC so I know I can get pregnant, but by the time I noticed bleeding and got bloodwork my levels were basically nill.

(Whoops, sorry, didn’t mean to threadjack!)

If you want to be stress-free, you can hold off on charting but after 6 months if you still get BFNs, you could always begin temping.

Post # 12
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

0mgosh i though that it was just me!!!! i didnt realize how heartbreaking a single pink line could ever be!!!!

 

i try telling myself that AF is ok at this point but then it cant help but feel sad…

 

this is our fourth month of TTC and idk if i can handle it for months….

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