(Closed) Nuts or Not? Bridal Shower (long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

No. I think you’re right for not having one. You’re eloping! If people want to buy you wedding gifts after the fact, that’s one thing – but you shouldn’t feel the need to accept a bridal shower that you so clearly don’t want and feel uncomfortable having.


Post # 4
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I think you are being awesome and completely unselfish…aka definitely NOT nuts!

Post # 5
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If you don’t want one, you don’t want one.  You’re not nuts!

Post # 6
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think you’re nuts- I would feel the same way. In fact, I feel like a lot of the events being thrown for me have not followed etiquette as I see it. I’ve learned to try to just let go and let my friends/family do nice things for me. It’s not a reflection of me when things aren’t 100% ideal etiquette wise.

If you’re really uncomfortable, maybe you could suggest it be a bridal luncheon or something instead of a “shower”. Then gifts won’t be presumed and you might feel less awkward about the whole thing, but your Future Mother-In-Law can still throw you a party like she wants? Maybe she could even contact your aunt to see if she wants to help?

Good luck!

Post # 7
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It’s not appropriate to invite people to a shower if they’re not invited to the wedding. So I think you are right. However, maybe you could let your Mother-In-Law host a post-elopment celebration for your marriage?

Post # 8
380 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you’re nuts, I think you’re right, a bridal shower isn’t really appropriate in your situation. However, just because you’re eloping doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate with others – I like the post-elopment celebration suggestion. It sounds like your Future Mother-In-Law is really keen to organise something for you – maybe she could help organise a post-elopement party?

Post # 10
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think you’re nuts at all.  I would definitely raise an eyebrow at being invited to the shower of someone who’s eloping, but I guess I’m judge-y like that.  Perhaps have FH indicate that you would love it if she took you to lunch or something with immediate female relatives as a “welcome to the family” kind of thing.  I’m fairly sure she just wants to throw you a shower to make you feel welcomed.  I think a mom, sisters, sisters in law, and grandma only kind of lunch would be a great “we’re now officially the ladies of the insertnamehere family” kind of deal

Post # 11
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I only think that you’re nuts if you’re considering letting them throw this for you when you clearly don’t want it.

Post # 13
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

How about asking for a small brunch welcome home reception for when you get back. No one brings a gift and she gets to plan something. Just make it immediate families. It would make her happy and is a good compromise.

Post # 14
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@bricon:  I LOVE that idea. This would be a great compromise. Something along the line of a jack and jill welcome home shower. But make sure she knows to have it low key. 

Post # 15
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Not nuts at all.

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