(Closed) NWA- buying a house/overwhelmed/just need to vent (long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry to hear you’re so stressed! And you have valid reason to be! Buying a house is stressful! And it’s a shame that your mortgage people aren’t answering your questions. That’s what they’re there for, and you have every right to question and understand every single detail of what you’re signing! Especially since this is your first time buying a home!

There are several bees who have bought a home here, and we’d be happy to answer any questions that we have if you have them! It’s definitely difficult to do by yourself, but the end is near, and by January, you’ll be a homeowner!

Post # 5
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Aw!  Corgi!  I’m so sorry!  I’m totally with you.  As fun as it is, buying a house can really suck!  It will definitely be worth it though!  Kind of like wedding planning, there are definitely some days where you want to pull your hair out and call the whole damn thing off but if you can step back and breathe it will all work out. 

And you’re definitely not alone.  We’re still in limbo with our short sale and the closing date (which can’t be moved back) is two weeks from tomorrow!  And then even if we do manage to buy this house and close on the 30th, we’re leaving the country to go on a family trip on the 1st!  It’s flipping ridiculous. 

Hang in there!

Post # 7
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Always look at the bright side, you will get a house you really like out of it.  If the mortgage company won’t answer your questions, i’d find another mortgage company, or at the very least hire an attorney to review the paperwork.  It may seem like a huge expense now, but seriously, its completely worth it.  The last thing you want is to start off in the hole because you didn’t understand part of your mortgage. 


Just hang in there.  The stress is unfortuately part of the ride.  My Fiance and I had the same problem when we were looking, I was only working part time and he was working like 60 hours a week, so it all fell on me, and I had NO CLUE what I was doing.  But in the end, I learned a lot.  And sometimes partnerships are equal, without being 50-50.  The house stuff has to get done, and if he’s not around you have the really hard job of doing it yourself.  In a few months though, it will all be worth it with you and the man are proud homeowners, and hopefully his work schedule will have calmed down.


Try to reframe the whole thing as something empowering.  You’re doing all this work and research and being an informed consumer, and it’s knowledge that you will have for whenever you need it in the future.  I am woman, tremble at my informed home-buying power!!  And…like any stressful situation, it will end, and you will be stronger for getting through it.  Good Luck!!

Post # 8
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry that you are feeling so stressed.  We bought our house over 2 years ago so if you need any info, just PM me!  It was such a pain getting an amount for our closing fees.  They changed it the day before closing so we went to get our certified check and then the amount changed again the day of and we had to bring our checkbook to fill in the difference!

Post # 9
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes, after all the headaches, you can be proud to know that you got through this stressful time and are now a proud homeowner. There’s really no feeling like what you get when you walk through the front door for the first time and can say “This is mine.”

If you have to do most of the packing yourself, try to view it as a pre-wedding workout. Lifting boxes can lead to seriously toned arms!

And, (hopefully) on the bright side, wedding planning will seem like a piece of cake compared to this!

Good luck and I hope you’re feeling better.

Post # 10
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@ Corgitales – I can totally empathize with you, when me and FH bought our house it was insane. We had kind of looked around a bit, but had to wait for me to get a job in his city before we could buy and I could move. Our aim was for me to move directly into our house, which meant that everything had to fall into place perfectly.

Since I was moving to a different hospital, and into a casual position, we couldn’t use my income to qualify for the mortgage. FH knew this and I assumed (bad idea) that he had gone ahead with out mortgage broker and pre-qualified.

One weekend I came to visit him for the weekend and we decided to look at houses, our preferred builder had a bunch of completed homes on the market, and one we looked at was exactly what we wanted. I was pretty sad because I was still waiting for a job offer, but had my fingers crossed. I got a job offer on Monday, and the hospital wanted me here ASAP.

I called my FH, all excited, then he drops the bomb that he actually had been slacking and hadn’t gotten in all the paperwork to pre-qualify!!! I was so annoyed. He managed to rush the paperwork and get an offer in to the builder. They accepted and took our deposit, and then not 2 hours alter another couple wanted to make an offer (so we were really down to the wire, 2 hours later and we could have lost the house)

It was nuts, I got a job, bought a house, closed sale, moved, and started a new job all within 30 days!

It was all worth the stress the moment we finished moving into the house! You will be so happy once all the paperwork etc is done and you are drinking your first glass of champagne in your house!

Post # 11
1108 posts
Bumble bee

Corgi, I know how that goes!

Since I was in school, and had more time, I got to do all of the talking/paper-viewing/etc, and Boyfriend or Best Friend just showed up with a pen and money.  So here I’m studying and doing homework and projects and talking to all sorts of people all at once.  Then when we were having our final “ok, do we want it?”, it was the last week of the semester and I had a project due that day(and only dialup to upload it!) and a final the next, and Boyfriend or Best Friend and his mom/sister were cavorting about the lake on a speedboat.

And before his mom/sister came down, we were trying to see if his mom could find us a better deal for our mortgage, and ah!  it was a stress.  At least Boyfriend or Best Friend felt bad for putting me through that.

We were eventually told that fees would be finalized at closing… so we were told to prep for x, but I think maybe it was a few less, and Boyfriend or Best Friend got some monies back.

That said, once everything cleared… we have a house, it is awesome, and we went and bought a block of brie to celebrate.

When it’s all done, MAKE SURE (I don’t know if I can stress this enough) you treat yourself to something (affordably) nice.  Fancy dinner, wine and a block of cheese… a video game, whatever.   

Post # 13
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It will go a lot faster than you think!  It’s hard now but you’ll get it done!

Post # 14
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Hey there I was just going through this headache but on the seller’s end. You see we both have our own houses and the first stress was deciding which one to sell. After debates over it we decided that due to the tax credit we figured his house would be something more 1st time homebuyers would be in the market for.  So we or should I say I? Meet with 2 realtors to discuss listing the house. He meet with the 3rd one.  As luck would have it we had an interested buyer prior to listing with a realtor which meant no 6% commission fees! Heck ya!

But that also meant that the few months we thought we had to move it was shortened to 1 month.  My Fiance is a pilot and is gone about 3-4 days a week.  So I was left to selling his furniture/etc. meeting with home inspectors, dropping off paperwork etc.  As it turns out the whole thing took us 2 full months to close.  Why because of all the back and forth mess the buyers were dealing with on their end with the mortgage lender.  So don’t stress out about it not happening when they say it will or coming back and requiring more information.  Because from what I’ve heard from other buyers/sellers this has become the norm!

Here is a plus note:  Just think you are getting it out of the way now! I’m so glad we got this done before the wedding and not during/after the wedding like we orginally planned 🙂

Post # 15
2 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

Awww… I’m so sorry!  I am glad to know, however, that I’m not the only person who had to go through all of this to get a house!  You are right, it should be a really great experience but it can get extremely difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you are sinking behind a pile of paperwork and the b.s. the bank and the title company keep throwing at you!  Believe me I have been there!  Fiance works for his family’s company and he has a very difficult schedule and virtually had no time to help me with the house or the wedding so it was all me.  We finally closed mid November and up until the last couple of days I was still fighting with the title company and the bank because they messed up our closing date.  As a result we closed and Fiance went out of town that weekend so I also ended up having to set up our utilities and getting the house move-in ready.  But all that work was worth it and I love my house!  So hang in there!  Just remember to stand your ground and don’t let any of the people you are dealing with intimidate you! Good luck!

Post # 16
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Corgitales…I literally JUST did this…I closed on the house Nov.20th and STILL havent moved in yet! BUT I will say this…It is your realtors responsibility to SIT YOU DOWN for as long as you need for them to explain to you which cost is what…what the seller is paying what you are paying…what words like escrow and your PITI (principle interest taxes and insurance) will be…and why its 7 K instead of $800 like you said. Emails are good for little questions…but you need to talk someon face to face and take notes on the papers with all this info is on. That is the ONLY way i was able to understand all of this stuff…it is SUCH a confusing and difficult process. I was lucky because my parents were able to help me understand a lot of it instead of just ask questions. KEEP A TALLY on what you have already paid…ie the house inspection…the earnest money…because if you put down earnest money that should go towards your closing costs…they ended up not including my earnest money in the closing costs…i had to remind them that they had to include it…sometimes they forget things…and you have to check behind them. Im sure you are doing just fine…but just wanted to give you some pointers…and if you have any questons PLEASE feel free to ask me…you can send me a private message too! I would love to help because this is a totally different language and world.

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