(Closed) NWR – A Little Worried About His “Girl”Friend.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way!  I think it’s understandable, because we all get insecure sometimes, but that’s all this is…insecurity.  Unless there’s something that you’re not telling us, it doesn’t sound like there’s ANYTHING happening between them.  He’s her #1 best friend…that’s not romantic.  He brought her cigarettes…DEF not romantic.  And the car thing….that’s really really really nothing.  They have the same make and model of car that’s several years apart–this does not mean that she is hiding a secret love for him….buying a car would not be a way that manifested itself.  She might have bought the car because he had it and she liked it….but not because she’s secretly in love with him.  I think you need to take a step back, read what you wrote, and take a few moments to realize that there’s nothing going on here.  You said yourself that you are confident in your relationship…so just keep working on your friendship with this girl so that you become even more comfortable with her.  Good luck!

Post # 4
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

It sounds like she has never been rude to you or done anything actually threatening. So I wouldn’t worry about this.

But, when you’re engaged/married, dynamics do shift a bit. He’s choosing you as his partner, his #1, and opposite sex relationships..honestly, are tricky. The gender does alter things. If you’re uncomfortable with them being together alone, it is your place to say something.

Things aren’t as simple as when they were friends 10 years ago.

Post # 5
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@laughing…you really can’t control what your bf’s friend feels. However, you know your bf. He has introduced you to his friend and all of you have spent time together. So regardless of anything she feels, HE has made his choice clear. You are the one he wants to be with. He had 10 years to be with her on a romantic level if that’s what he wanted. Don’t let jealousy or insecurity get the best of you. You have a solid relationship and there is nothing she can do to undermine that.

Post # 6
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I wouldn’t worry about it. My best friend in my town is a guy. We’ve been friends for about 9 years. If I wanted to date him– I would have. If he wanted to date me– he would have tried. I love him as a great friend, but I am positive that I could NEVER be with him. Not because he is not awesome… but because we’re way too close. He’s like a brother. Plus, some things I think are funny as his friend would annoy the crap out of me if we were “together.” I’m so grateful that my Fiance has never ever tried to make me feel bad about my friendship with him, and that he’s actually really embraced him as a friend since he moved to our town a few months ago. Fiance is even considering asking him to be a groomsman! It makes me so happy to see two of my favorite guys becoming good friends. I think your Fiance will probably really appreciate your continued efforts at friendship with her. The bottom line is whether or not you trust your Fiance. If you do, you need to let it go until she actually DOES something. If she ever actually made a move you would obviously have grounds for discussion, but until then just take a breath and know that you won! Think of that line from My Best Friends Wedding “he has you on a pedestal, and me in his arms.” 🙂

Post # 7
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

He doesn’t feel that way about her, and while she MIGHT, if she EVER acts on it, the friendship is over. Crushes come and go….even if she has one now, it’ll go away. And even if she’s deeply in love with him, as long as she doesn’t try anything, you can’t control her. He LOVES you. Big difference. The car thing may be a coincidence….honda civics are one of those most popular cars ever!

As women, we’re basically bred to be suspicious of others. But until she acts on it, try not to think of her as a stereotype

Post # 8
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I read your other post and can totally empathize with you.  I also tend to overanalyze things, and it took me a long time (and some help from a therapist) to learn how to cope with my anxieties.  Have you considered speaking with a counselor or other mental health professional about this stuff? 

WRT the above, I think you’re looking for trouble.  It sounds as though this girl makes you feel, as you say, threatened, and that feeling is impacting how you interpret all the available information.  Having decided what must be true (she’s better than you and he will, if given the opportunity, leave you for her), you’re now perceiving reality as though that’s inevitable.  Speaking from experience again, it’s possible, once you’ve decided something is so, to suddenly “realize” that EVERYTHING “proves” that your hunch about someone cheating or leaving is “right.”  Except it’s usually not and, over time, the constant lack of trust in YOURSELF (not him) does damage to the relationship.

Based on what you’ve said I don’t think she has feelings for your BF.  I think you have some pretty painful feelings about yourself that are driving these fears. 

Post # 9
536 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m sorry you are feeling this way! One of my very best friends is a guy.  I’ll call him Chris.  We have been friends since middle school, traveled Europe together, driven across the country together and are very close.  He even went wedding dress shopping with me and will be my bridesman!  I can’t relate to how you feel because my Fiance doesn’t have any close girl friends, but I can tell you what it is like to be the girl in a girl/guy friendship.  I honestly think you don’t have anything to worry about.  If anything was going to happen between them, it probably would have already.  Chris and I passed that moment when we could possibly have become more than friends like…13 years ago.  And, even at that point, nothing ever happened.  We just officially crossed into the permanent friend zone.  He is like my brother.  

I think the car thing is probably a coincidence, and it seems like they are just good friends from what you are saying.  It’s good that you have a relationship with her, too!  

I think it is possible that she might feel kind of possessive of him, which could be the vibe you are picking up on.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean that she has romantic feelings for him.  What ribbons said is correct.  Your relationship with him changes his relationship with her.  If you feel uncomfortable, talk to him about it.  But I don’t think you have anything to worry about!

I did talk to my Fiance about my relationship with Chris to make sure he knew our history and where we stood.  He never brought it up, I just wanted to make sure he knew that Chris is just my friend, but that he is important to me.  Also, the three of us have spent a lot of time together, and I think that has helped.  My Fiance and Chris are becoming friends, so I suggest you do the same with your bf’s friend.  


That was so long, I’m sorry!  I hope it helps though!

Post # 10
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so so sorry that you feel this way.  It kind of sucks to have another girl put her relationship/friendship with YOUR man out there right in front of you.  I think that if she was really harboring secret feelings for your Boyfriend or Best Friend, she probably wouldn’t be so forthcoming.  She might just be noticing that you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend are getting serious and is worried about losing a friend. 


Post # 11
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like she’s getting a little protective of losing your BF’s friendship to your relationship. If I were you, I would slowly phase her out of your lives. I know this sounds sexist, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for either person in the relationship to have close opposite-sex friends. It’s just not. Try to defend it all you want on your soapbox (not you personally, just people in general defending it), I will never ever agree that it’s appropriate and/or can work. The friendship is rooted in some kind of attraction and she clearly has ‘strong’ feelings for your Boyfriend or Best Friend, no matter how she expresses them. I would honestly start by not doing the weekly visit to watch the show, making sure Boyfriend or Best Friend never hangs out with her if you aren’t present and cutting down all visits to about once a month.

Post # 13
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

ejs is right – Civics are the most popular car, and red is one of the most popular car colours.  Don’t read into that!

Even if she did have some sort of feelings for him it sounds like she is staying within proper boundaries.  I think as long as you keep her on your side as your friend and don’t alienate her, you have a chance at making a great friend.

Post # 14
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you’re being paranoid but I can completely understand why.  I have a VERY close male friend that I’ve known for 14 years.  So close I almost had him in our wedding.  He’s attractive and a lot of fun and not one time has he EVER hit on me.  Even in college. People couldn’t believe we had the relationship we did and were never intimate.  But it does happen…meaning, you can be close with someone and not be intimate.

You need a confidence booster.  Check this out.  Your Fiance proposed to YOU!  Not her.  He tells YOU that he loves YOU.  Not her.  You’re there for him every day.  She’s not!

Maybe she does have a crush on him but she should hopefully respect you and your relationship with him.

Post # 15
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@laughingemotions – Glad I could help. Smile  In some ways, it can feel better knowing that this stuff might be coming from yourself, because it means that your happiness is within your control. 

Post # 16
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I didn’t read all the comments, so forgive me if I’m repeating…

but she sounds like of like a little sister, not a secret crush. My best friend is a guy, and I’m so excited for J to meet him, because I think they’ll really get along great (they have a lot of common interests) – I adore him, and he is my best friend and was ALWAYS there for me, but I wouldn’t want to date him. He’s like my brother.

Buying the same car as him, IMO, is the thing that most strongly points to brother-sister behavior, rather than romantic interest – you don’t buy the same car as the guy you like, that’s just creepy stalker like. You buy the same car your big brother buys and promises you is a good car and saves you the trouble of researching stuff you don’t know that much about.

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