Post # 1
Okay, so I am going to California to stay with my Grandma. My mom is upset with me because I won’t stay at her house if her boyfriend is there. I have never met this guy and she hasn’t even known him for that long. Am I wrong for not wanting to put myself and my daughter in that situation? The same question goes for staying at my sisters house. She lives with our step neice and her husband, the guy is in and out of jail all the time and they all curse like sailors. Am I selfish for not wanting to stay there? I just wish they would understand…
Post # 3
I personally don’t think you are wrong. And if they can not understand too bad for them. This is for the safety and well-being of your daughter.
Trust me I can completely relate to this whole parent not understanding thing. I say do what you have to do and eventually they will understand. And if they don’t understand then eventually they will “forgive you” (even though there is nothing to forgive you for).
Post # 4
Your daughter’s safety comes first, and if you don’t feel comfortable having her around strange men that’s completely reasonable.
Post # 5
You have to do what’s best for your child. Even if it was just you yeah I’d feel a little weird staying in a house with some guy I’ve never met. But when you have a daughter you have to be extra careful. I’d definitely not be staying with some guy that’s in and out of jail and it’s a little odd that your sister doesn’t understand that. I can see why your mom doesn’t understand but the safety and well being of your daughter comes first. You are not selfish and you should definitely be proud of yourself, lots of women unfortunately don’t think like you do.
Post # 6
No way, kids safety is the most important thing! I would do the same as you.
Post # 7
You are the parent and you make the decisions for your daughter. You are not wrong, you are chosing to raise your daughter in an environment that you find suitable. I don’t blame you. Your mother is prob upset that she won’t get to see her grand daughter as much… But no, you are not being selfish
Post # 8
I’m kind of surprised that your mom, AS A MOM, doesn’t get this! You’re not wrong at all, jeez! You’re being a totally good mom.
Post # 9
I would do the same. I don’t think it’s wrong at all, especially since she hasn’t been with her bf for that long and you never met him. I would be uncomfortable (especially having my daughter there), I’m surprised your mother isn’t more understanding of that.
Post # 10
You are definitely not wrong or selfish. You are looking out for you and your daughter and making a decision that is right for both of you. I know that you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so maybe you could find an excuse to not be there that doesn’t make them take offense?
Post # 11
I am so with you on this one. When we lived with my mom, if she wanted to have a male guest overnight my daughter and I would stay at a friend’s house.
You just never know. I would never have been able to forgive myself if my mom brought home who she thought was this fabulous guy and he then hurt my daughter.
Even if this guy is wonderful, he is still a male stranger being brought into your and her home.
Post # 12
If you trust your Grandma’s choice in partners, I think it would be best to stay with her to avoid hurting relationships. If you have a reason to suspect the guys not that great, then you have every right.
But I would try to spin it as “we don’t want to put you out, and will honestly be more comfortable in a hotel room where I don’t have to worry about my daughter crying and waking people up in the middle of the night/making a mess at your house/etc.” That would probably be better than just flat out saying you don’t like her new boyfriend.
Post # 13
Thanks everyone, it makes me feel good to know i am not crazy for thinking like such. I kinda feel bad questioning my mom’s judgement but as the past has tought me it is always a good thing. she doesn’t always have the bet judgement when it comes to men…
@ohheavenlyday: it doesn’t surprise me at all… she is known for not making the best decisions.
Post # 14
@Koala Bear: I just told her what i think, no beating around the bush lol. she has a history of having bad boyfriends…
@jedeve: my grandma lives alone, she has ever siince my grandpa died a few years ago and I don’t see her dating anytime in the near future lol. and that wouldn’t work in the slightest. our family is different than most…. she wouldn’t take that as any kind of legit excuse.
@SoontobeMrsA: that is my thoughts, i would much rather be safe than sorry.
Post # 15
I don’t think you are wrong and would do the same thing in this situation. Trusting grandma has nothing to do with it. He can be a fine upstanding citizen, but I’m not going to have my child stay over in a house with a man I don’t know well.
Post # 16
@cyndistar3: I agree with the other ladies, stay somewhere you and your daughter will be safest. Besides, your grandmother will love having her great-granddaughter around and (to me) it’s more important for great-grandmom to have the little one around more, since she’s the eldest of the family.
Reason being, my grandmother died when my son was a baby and my grandfather died when my daughter was a baby. My son remembers my grandfather, but not my grandmother and my daughter will never remember my grandfather.
So, I’m all for you staying at your grandmother’s for that reason alone!!!!
Plus, I’d imagine your grandmother gets lonely sometimes. 😉
See, two really good logical reasons for you to stay with grandmother!!! 😀