(Closed) NWR- Argument with sister about gift.

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I can definately see where she is coming from. Did her and her Fiance end up buying the TV with the reduced contribution from you and your FI?

I completely understand that the TV was financed etc, but she wouldnt be able to see that and like I would probably spent a few minutes doing the “I cant believe they bought a new TV!” and getting worked up before she called you. Which is what I do!

I think I may be slightly biased, as my brother will do a similar thing as what your sister has perceived that you did.

Post # 5
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your sister is being ridiculous. She suggested an expensive gift, you told her how much you could contribute (and asked if buying a different gift would be an option), and she chose to still move forward with buying the TV knowing how much you could contribute. What you chose to do with your money beyond the amount that you said you could comfortably contribute is your business.

Post # 6
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

If you know she is borderline bipolar you really shouldn’t send sarcastic emails/messages like the one w/ “I’ll take that is an apology.” That is begging for a negative reaction.

If she’s borderline bipolar I bet she’ll be over in a week! Just brush it off and avoid her for a bit.

Post # 7
6013 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

 I agree with 

View original reply
Miss Sydney: I have a brother that pulls the “we can’t afford that” card ALL THE TIME.  No contrib to presents for my dad for christmas….and they bought two new laptops right after Christmas.  This is only the latest example.  I can totally see where your sister is coming from. 

Post # 10
5988 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my rule is family and money never mix

i dont agree that someone should call you out over what you choose to do with your own money – its no ones business and even if you had more money to spend, if $150 was all you wanted to spend on your folks gift then you shouldnt be guilted or asked to explain why you didnt spend more

Post # 11
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m going to give you a bit of tough love: 

1. It is none of your sister’s business how you choose to spend your money. If you want to curtail the contribution of your parents’ gift because YOU want your own TV, that’s your prerogative (heck, if you wanted to skip a contribution altogether because you wanted your own TV, that would also be your prerogative). It’s YOUR money, she shouldn’t complain.  


2. If your sister really is bipolar, you were poking the bear. 

Bipolar disorder and depression both run in my family and it is common for my family members (when they’re not on their meds) to behave erratically (angry, a lot of the time) when they are stressed or anxious. Which can be a lot. And they will lash out and make mountains out of molehills (like complaining about not receiving an extra $50 for a Christmas gift). And they have the tendency to overdramatize things–ie, “You’re manipulating me!” It wouldn’t surprise me if she attributed that statement to her Fiance when in fact he said nothing of the sort. In other words, you need to recognize that you are not in the wrong about the money AND you also need to not engage when she’s being irrational. In my view, it sounds like your sister is struggling with some other emotional issue and using this business to vent out–it’s not appropriate, so you can either ignore her or try and shift focus to getting at what’s really at the heart of what’s bothering her. But don’t turn this into a fight over nothing–that’s you creating your own drama.

Post # 12
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Your sister and her fiance are out of line.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  When she’s not in this “mood” sit her down and explain it to her again, and if she still refuses to understand, it’s her problem, not yours.  Does she want you to send her the $50?  If you think it would help, you could tell her that you don’t have any extra cash, which is why you could only afford to send her $150 and why you financed the TV and will be paying it off over a number of months.  Then tell her that you’d be happy to save up a little and send her the $50 when you have it.  Then she would literally have NOTHING to complain about.  Just a thought–you certainly don’t owe it to her, but that’s probably what I would do because I don’t like it when people are unhappy with me.

Post # 14
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

View original reply

My Brother-In-Law borrowed money from DH and I to pay his rent and then turned around and bought at 60″ flat screen TV.  Then had the nerve to brag that his was so much better because DH and I only have a 42″.  People!  I swear! 

Post # 15
825 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You gave what you could afford.  And you and your husband were trying to save previously.  I think $150 is a generous contribution.  She’s probably just angry right now, and I’d let it go.  You did what you could do, and it isn’t like you gave nothing and then bought a TV.  She’s probably not only dealing with emotional issues like stress from the wedding, death in the family, etc., but as you have said, she has a personality disorder.  I say take the higher road, just apologize, and let it go. 

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