(Closed) NWR – Babies at fancy restaurants – yes or no?

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you take a young baby to a fancy restaurant?

    Yes

    No

    Depends on the situation (like if my babysitter canceled)

  • Post # 137
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @JessSeny:  Sure, a parent can certainly still be an adult, and here’s how: Being an adult means understanding that not all places and venues are appropriate for children, even if it would be more convenient for you otherwise. Being an adult also therefore means making appropriate childcare arrangements, and, should those arrangements fall through, accepting that you need to stay home rather than make your misfortune into other people’s inconvenience as well. 

    (More generally, a lot of the responses in this thread go far to explaining to me why some brides opt for strictly child-free weddings. Some parents seem to think “thirty seconds of crying” is no big deal. Tell that to the couple who can’t hear each other’s vows…!)

     

    Post # 138
    Member
    2766 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Based on some of the responses here, I hope to not become so smug and self-involved once I become a mother. Children do not belong everywhere. When you make the decision to have a child, you’re deciding on a lifestyle adjustment. Forfeiting reservations to a Michelin-starred restaurant if you can’t get a sitter is just one of those sacrifices. 

    I don’t even see how this is up for discussion. Restaurants like that don’t have bans on babies (yet!) because so far, it seems as though no one has been so stupid as to bring a fussy baby to dine with them.

    Post # 139
    Member
    3201 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @annifer:  Haha, it was a group thing so I didn’t have a choice in where we ate. 

    Post # 140
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @letigre:  Very well said. Thanks for laying it out so succinctly, though I’m still amazed that the inappropriateness needs to be explained at all. What has happened to common sense?!

     

    Post # 141
    Member
    5229 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    @Horseradish:  It does not take over 7 minutes to respond to a crying baby and get it out of the room. You’re exaggerating. If 30 seconds or even 5 minutes of something unpleasant can seriously undo all the joy of a lovely experience, then you have an unhealthy reaction to minor stresses. Guess what! Children exist. They are people. They are living creatures. You share this world with them. Develop some tolerance. Parents should not be shunned from adult society until their kids are adults too. Parents who are capable of raising their kids to behave in adult company and whose children are capable of doing so should be free to engage with the rest of society. Of course sometimes things might not go as planned, but that goes for adults too. I’ve seen adults throw fits in restaurants. At my ex-husband’s graduation dinner, some poor girl’s dad made a scene in the middle of a very nice restaurant. I’m not going to ban all dads in their 60s from going out to restaurants.

    Most of us are doing our best to continue to enjoy life and to share that joy with our kids while also being respectful of others. In return, you can have a little patience. Not even a lot, just a little.

    A high chair has one clip. Really–how long does it take you to undo one clip and pick up a kid?

    Post # 142
    Member
    7439 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Many here have said…

    It should be up to the Restaurant…

    But alas it isn’t.

    There was such a case here in Eastern Ontario a few years back… when the patrons showed up with Reservations at a Wine Bar, things didn’t go so well when the establishment determined that one of those with “a Reservation” was an infant 3 months of age.

    The Restaurant told the Mom that their Restaurant wasn’t set up for Infants (no diapering / change facilities for example), and it wasn’t the environment they were trying to create for their Customers

    The Woman filed a lawsuit against the Restaurant with the Ontario Human Rights Commission… and WON an out-of-court settlement (Discrimination based on age)

    So even tho the response / support to this case was HUGELY in favour of the Restaurant… people responding to local Media / Newspapers / Radio / Tv etc

    It turned out that the Restaurant and the Customers who are looking for an “adult atmosphere” don’t legally have a leg to stand on.

    It is refreshing therefore to read here, that most Bees at least employ common sense on this front, and wouldn’t bring along their little ones to a Restuarant that is marketed more towards Adults / Special Events / Date Night etc.

    I know I’d be really ticked if I was in what I consider an Adult Venue, and had a screaming Baby or running around Toddler interferring with the enjoyment of my evening.  I expect that in a “family” styled Restaurant, but then I am also paying a lot less.  I also like kids, so I’m ok with that as I know what to expect going in.

    BUT, if I am paying $ 50 or more per person for the experience / night out etc… then I don’t so much want kids around (sorry)

    However, as proven out by the Ontario case / judgement, I also now know that the Restaurant’s hands are tied… and that there is little they can do about it

    The choice ultimately is mine… put up with it… or leave.

    Sad state of affairs if you ask me when ONE person in a Restaurant Setting (lol, not even a paying customer at that) gets to dictate what happens to everyone else in the venue who is.

     

    Post # 143
    Member
    444 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @letigre:  My lifestyle has indeed adjusted. We don’t go out to eat nearly as often. My contention, however, is with some who seem to think they have a right to never hear a child fuss at all.

    It happens. I’ll remove him asap, I promise. I don’t like it any more than you do. But a little compassion wouldn’t hurt, instead of saying “how DARE that person RUIN my evening.” 

    Post # 145
    Member
    6609 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @annifer:  

    View original reply
    @mrsSonthebeach:  

    it’s not fair to intrude in anyone’s evening. And the higher the price tag, the less fair/more rude it gets. This means crying babies, cussing/foul language, cell phone yakking, cell phone ringing (it has a silent mode for a reason), smoking, extreme drunkenness, and pretty much anything else you do that your neighbors didn’t sign on for. And this means theaters, nicer restaurants, nicer hotel lobbies, and anywhere else suitable for a “special” or “not everyday” occasion. 

    If I can show up and watch my mouth, dress appropriately, not smoke, and basically not interfere with anyone else’s enjoyment, then so can you. You have no right to interrupt even one second of my time or my experience. And because you can’t control whether or not your baby is going to cry, then baby needs to stay at home. 

    Post # 146
    Member
    1742 posts
    Bumble bee

    @mrsSonthebeach: If parents genuinely just accepted the fact that their children were having a bad night and would leave, that’s one thing, but the constant “let’s try this again–whoops, more crying!” thing can be a bit tedious.  I have to admit that 10 minutes or so of that wouldn’t be the end of the world and would give me a great horror/war story to talk about with others, but I also dine out a lot, so I can always say, well, this meal was disrupted, but I’ll have another very nice meal fairly soon.  Most people don’t value dining out as much as I do and so a meal at a place like Alinea might literally be a once (or maybe twice) in a lifetime thing.  I can see why someone in that position might be more likely to be annoyed more quickly.

    I will say that children appear to be much better behaved in some of the other countries I visit and that has reduced some of my general anxiety about children in nicer restaurants. 

    I would agree that adults who have proven that they aren’t able to handle the setting of a restaurant like Alinea have no more business there than a baby.  There are numerous people that I would never take to places like Alinea, as they would conduct themselves in a way that would cause me profound embarrassment as hostess of the table. 

    Post # 147
    Member
    672 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Meals at places like that cost a few hundred dollars…..because of that I’d be very annoyed if we spent that much money to not have a good time.  ODn’t get me wrong, kids are great, and should be welcomed at most places, but not there!  (And I have a M.Ed in Youth Development, so I’m not a kid hater!)

    Post # 148
    Member
    6458 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Horseradish:  But, like, I can’t stop my uncle with Parkinson’s from maybe dropping his knife.  Does he have to stay home, too?  

    Post # 149
    Member
    6609 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

      I can’t muster the compassion because a baby crying is a forseeable event. You know there’s a good chance the baby might act up and that others might not like it. Why are you going to take that chance? It shows complete disregard for those around you.

    imagine the chaos after a diner chokes and the waiter saves them with the heimlich maneuver. Or a patron has a heart attack and the paramedics have to come. Atmosphere ruined. Without a doubt! It would be noisy and stressful…. But it’s not forseeable. No one goes out thinking “there’s a 50/50 chance I will choke on a breadstick tonight.” Because it’s simply not common! And therefore, if it happens, it’s an accident. Bad luck. But not rude or offensive and won’t ruin the night. Heck. I’ve been trained in CPR so I’d help!

    but since you KNOW your child has a chance to turn noisy– because that’s what ALL children do– i’m going to find it it very, very hard to be compassionate.

    Post # 150
    Member
    6609 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @peachacid:  if your uncle with Parkinson’s is also screaming or shouting, them yes, he should stay home. Dropping a knife is an everyday occurrence and should be a sound one expects to hear In a restaurant. A screaming baby, uncle, football fan, lottery winner or televangelist is not what one expects to hear in an upscale restaurant. 

    Post # 151
    Member
    6458 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Horseradish:  So I know my uncle will probably drop his knife, because he can’t hold things well.  The probability that he’ll clink his knife against his plate in a loud way is also very high.  Is he not allowed in your dining sanctum?  

    The point is, you cannot control the people around you.  Yes, a baby is likely to cry.  But he/she is also likely to be picked up and comforted by his/her adults, and is hopefully going to be removed.  If a few seconds or minutes seriously disrupt your experience so much…I think that’s the problem rather than how others comport themselves.

     

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