(Closed) NWR: Brother with mental illness diagnosed with cancer, scared for the future

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
18628 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry that you are going through this.  I have no frame of reference or advice but I’m just very sorry for you.

Post # 3
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

omg i am so sorry for you too….

My SO’s family is full of mental illness, so i can sympathize in that regard and if you would like more detail just pm me…

but I was also tested for lymphoma about 6 years ago. I was only 20 back then, it came up negative but it was a very stressful time..

i hope nothing but the best for your family and especially your brother.


Big big big hugs* <3

Post # 4
2572 posts
Sugar bee

A family member of mine was Manic depressive Bi Polar he was also disagnosed with a terminal illness and passed away.We had been estranged so I did not find out till two years after it had happened, even though I had basically thought of him as gone already it hit me pretty hard.

I always though I would find out in time ( if something were to happen) to say goodbye or atleast be able to go to the funeral and pay my repsects. I didn’t get to do either of those, I felt very empty when I found out about his passing.

I totally understand that you have accepted his fate as I did the same thing with this person. All my advice would be is to try and enjoy the time you have left because if he was to pass away thats all you have.

Sorry to you and your family in this hard time

Post # 5
7501 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

It can be difficult dealing with a loved one’s mental illness, and I understand how sometimes the family needs to accept that they can’t help their loved one (I had to put a similar distance between myself and a very dear friend who eventually drank herself to death, because she did not care about her alcoholism while I did, and it was destroying my life).  I think you need to accept that his cancer diagnosis does not automatically make you more capable of supporting him, nor does it make him automatically more able to cope with his illnesses.  This does not mean to ignore him or stop caring; just don’t beat yourself up on top of all the other emotions you have going on.

It may be worth joining a support group for loved ones of people with the same kinds of mental illness as your brother has. You may learn new coping skills and also may learn about new options and approaches to being his support system when you yourself are already stretched thin.   At worst, you will find some empathy and learn better ways to get yourself through the upcoming tough times; at best, you may find some new techniques for helping your brother manage his mental illness so that he can be better able to manage his physical illness.

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