Post # 1
So long story short I quit taking birth control because my blood pressure is too high and my doc won’t let me take it. I’m sure it’s from stress which Mother-In-Law creates! I’d LOVE to be on the pill because I have bad cramps and BC eases them a lot.
Soo.. recently I found out Mother-In-Law snooped through our room and saw (gasp) condoms! She told several people(who in turn told me) that I was selfish for making poor Darling Husband wear a condom! So, I should have health problems so Darling Husband enjoys sex more???!!! I have told her about my Bridal Party problems and she is a nurse and gave me a Bridal Party monitor! And it’s not just the one thing. Every time she comes over she makes comments about how I make her DS do dishes once in a while or watch our son while I go grocery shopping. And she is no suzy homemaker herself! At first I thought I was being overly sensitive but BIL’s girlfriend says the same stuff.
Gosh, I feel mean. Any advice welcome…
Post # 3
Holy Pete! First of all, sorry about the health problems (an the Mother-In-Law problems!). It sounds like this is a discussion you should have with the Mr, and then talk with (ok, confront) her. I don’t think I could stand for someone, mother or not, going through my bedroom in my own home and then discussing my sex life with others! I know other bees have said that with this kind of ‘dominance’ issue with MILs, it’s best to address it early instead of letting her set a precedent of getting away with it. Snide comments about her poor son doing housework is one thing, discussing your sex life with others is quite another. Eek! I’d just state that you two have decided the chore division that works best for you as equals in your marriage (or something of that nature), and that your marital and health issues are just that, yours as a couple, and not for discussion with anyone. Maybe throw in the whole personal boundaries issue of snooping in your room if you’re on a roll 🙂 Best of luck!
Post # 4
I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. Personally, I would distance myself from her as much as possible. I hope your Darling Husband knows what is going on and I hope he is very supportive of you. I would also never have her over to your place ever again. She doesn’t seem like she is a very respectful person.
Post # 5
*GASP* I have no words!!!
#1 snooping through your personal things??? My Mother-In-Law has done this, but not so far as in our BEDROOM (as far as I know) – that’s a HUGE invasion of privacy!
#2 to have ANY opinion on your sex life is just NOT ON! Much less to tell OTHER people that something is wrong with your man wearing condoms! Holy moly! I think that’s rude and insane beyond words!
I also hope that your man knows and understands how TOTALLY unacceptable this is 🙁
Post # 6
What!! Wow. Yikes, she is so out of line. I would be infuriated in your situation, and would sever contact with this woman as much as possible. Have you talked about this with DH? What does he think of it? Is he similarly outraged? Then he should have a word with her about how unacceptable her behavior is, and how she needs to step out in the future. Don’t try to justify your decisions to her, just let her know she’s crossed the line of acceptable behavior–by a lot. So sorry you have to deal with that!
About the cramping pain–I take a prescription-strength painkiller because my cramps are extremely debilitating and I don’t want to go on BC. They don’t erase the pain, but they do make it more manageable than any standard pain killer like Tylenol, Advil, Aleve, etc do. If you haven’t already, maybe talk to your doctor about something like that?
Good luck on both fronts!
Post # 7
Wow, i am sorry. This sounds terrible and awkward! I personally think it is extremely creepy whenever a parent has such excessive interest in their grown adult child’s sex life and I would try to find a way to create very clear boundaries…
Post # 8
WHOA. She needs to BUTT OUT already. Your husband needs to talk with her because her sharing your personal choices (as a couple AND for health reasons) with other people is completely RUDE and inappropriate.
I agree with the PP poster…that is just creepy!!
Post # 10
Wow! Thats rough…
Do you guys live with her and maybe she was “putting away laundry” and found the condoms? When we were younger, we lived with FI’s parents and something similar happened to us. If you live on your own and she found them in your bedroom then that is seriously crossing the line! Regardless of your living situation, she should have never told people what she found in your bedroom. Talk about an invasion of privacy!
Post # 11
@UpstateCait: No, we have our own house. She came over and was snooping. She always goes through our stuff. She rearranges drawers and stuff and then justifies it by saying her way is better.
Post # 12
O M G NONE OF HER BUSINESS.
Forget about asking your husband to talk to her, I’d go grab her by the collar in person and ask her who the hell she thinks she is?!
And I’m not exaggerating. I live 2,000 miles away from my Mother-In-Law but if it got back to me that this was happening, I’d book a plane ticket immediately and have a “chat” with her in person.
Post # 13
That woman is out of line! And you need a lock on your bedroom door! There’s no reason for her to say ANYTHING about your sex life. It’s not her concern. There’s NOTHING wrong with having your Darling Husband do some dishes or shopping. My husband does the majority of the cooking. Couples have their own ways of doing things and she needs to respect them. I’m curious, have you talked to her about what she’s doing? Maybe she really doesn’t realize it’s innappropriate or upsets you so much? If she DOES realize and does it anyways, then you need to get as much distance from her as possible. Maybe have your husband talk to her about how she needs to back off!
Post # 14
Wow. I read your post out to my Fiance, and his exact response was, “What kind of a psycho bitch is she?!!” – referring to the Mother-In-Law, obv, not yourself.
First, is your man comfortable with his mom having knowledge/opinions/gossip on his sex life? Cos that’s just creepy.
Second, get a lock for your bedroom door, asap. That’s just going too far.
Third – if she’s this bad now, when you’re not even six months married, then I’m afraid you’re going to have to have a major confrontation with her fairly soon, or she’ll go to hell altogether. Visions of her telling half the town how poorly you’re raising your children….
Eeeek. Poor you. I have to say, you’re a saint. The fact you’ve not thrown the crockery at her already is amazing. Is your fella strong enough to stand up to her? Also, have you a FIL? Wondering if he could be prevailed upon to help her see sense. Often the Future In-Laws aren’t as invested in the DS, and can detach a little easier.
Oh and on the BC thing, I just went off it 3 months ago too, and holy moly, I’d forgotten how bad the feckin’ cramps are! There’s a herbal remedy you might want to look into, Agnus Castus, is supposed to be very good for regulating things. Also, massage with Rose oil – diluted with a neutral oil – could be good too. Get him to do it, you deserve a treat, with all his Ma is putting you through!
Best of luck, chick, and keep us posted. My heart goes out to you.
Post # 15
@aunt pol:Hahaha. First, I have gotten similar comments from my friends and their husbands about how crazy she is but it makes me feel way better that literally nobody can stick up for her actions/words on wb! Darling Husband says, “well she’s crazy, and a snoop apparently. Don’t let it bother you.” But it does! I strive for perfection and Mother-In-Law talks about me behind my back and sometimes directly to me like a dog. Eh, the lock won’t cure the issue… We have been together for 6+ years now and we had our son almost 18 months ago so I am already hearing what I am doing wrong as a parent speeches.
I am NOT a saint but I internalize a lot. That’s just how I am. If she calls me stupid, I feel stupid. I have a Father-In-Law and he deals with her in his own way but they argue frequently and Father-In-Law begs Brother-In-Law not to move out because Father-In-Law doesn’t want to be alone with her.
Thank you sooo much ladies! I felt like Mother-In-Law was right and I am a horrible wife/mom. Now I guess I have to start working on how to not take her comments personally…