Post # 1
My family has a situation that we desperately need help on.
For years, my father was a coworker to John. John is divorced, bitterly. My father retired from the company, and that year (2009), invited John to Thanksgiving since it was his first year of being separated. John monopolized the conversation, told us repeatedly how his opinions were the right ones, and drank a magnum of wine by himself. He also complained about the food, and told my nephews to shut up – adults were talking. At the end of the dinner, he asked “same time next year” to which my father, flabbergasted, said “Of course.”
Thanksgiving 2010 comes, and John shows up uninvited. This time he is toting two magnums of wine. I am making gravy as he walks in, and he proceeds to tell me I’m not whisking in the right direction. Again, the conversation revolves around him. I had a bottle of riesling already open, and he pronounced it garbage. He was obviously already buzzed upon arrival. Same question to my father at the end of the meal – my fathers response was “lets talk soon”
Thanksgiving 2011 comes. My father had not spoken to John since the prior Thanksgiving. He shows up at 1pm uninvited, and wonders why there weren’t enough chairs at the table – it seemed to be one short. Two magnums of wine. He screams at the puppy to shut the F up. My parents are all over that one – they are in the middle of obedience school, and will take care of it themselves. Made my 9yo nephew cry when John’s wine was spilled.
This year, again, no contact has been made since Thanksgiving day last year. My sister and I are threatening to walk out if he shows up. What can my parents say to him, that he is not invited? Mom is wanting to tell him in an etiquette-nice way, such as dinner is another day or at a different location. I say just tell him he’s not welcome.
Post # 3
John, we’re keeping Thanksgiving family only from now on.
Post # 4
Same as PP …and then LOCK YOUR DOORS!!!!
Post # 5
They need to contact him before Thanksgiving. Can your father call him and let him know he’s not invited (in whatever nice way he wants to say it — I like @strawbabies wording)?
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia
@strawbabies: exactly! And tell him NOW. So he has time to find somewhere else to go!
Post # 7
Can you host Thanksgiving at your house or your siblings, somewhere other than your parents, so he can’t crash? Obviously your dad should contact him before hand so he isn’t left hanging the day of, but in case he tries to crash anyway.
Post # 10
Don’t allow this guy to ruin any more of your Thanksigivings. Have your dad call John and let him know that unfortunately he is not invited to Thanksgiving. If it’s easier, your dad can say that the family will be celebrating elsewhere/out of town this year. No matter what John says, make sure your dad doesn’t back down. On Thanksgiving, if John shows up ask him to leave and do not allow him into the house. If he won’t go, threaten to call the police for trespassing.
If this guy is so thick that he’s shown up uninvited to 2 Thanksgivings, he probably won’t get the point if you try to be tactfully or super polite about things. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, just worry about making sure your family can have a pleasant Thanksgiving.
Post # 11
umm I would seriously have your aunt or uncle host…. assuming that he doesn’t know where they live no harm no foul. “I came to thanksgiving and no one was there” “oh I haven’t talked to you in a year, we switched locations and keep it family only now”
Post # 12
If you can’t change your plans for this year, then I suggest that your folks tell him that they’re keeping Thanksgiving family-only this year. If they need to soften the blow, they can say it’s because of unspecified situations with you or your sibs. I agree with locking the doors then!
I assume that the relationship with John has waned a LOT since that first year — but are they still close enough for your dad to tell him that he’s concerned about his drinking? Because dude does not seem to be in a good place.
Post # 13
If anyone has the cajones (I would NOT), it might be doing John a favor to tell him the truth. His drinking and other behavior make people uncomfortable, so he is no longer welcome. He might still get the idea, however, if dad just calls and tells him that you all will be having dinner out of town from now on, so John should make his own plans for Thanksgiving. I do recommend having dinner at a different house for a couple years, just in case he comes knocking at the door anyway….
Post # 14
Gee, I don’t agree with some of these things posters are saying, but I guess I am kind of a bleeding heart type. I would just hold the dinner somewhere else- problem solved- IF you really can’t/ do not want to deal. That is a tough situation.
Post # 15
This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard — what a crappy situation for your family. I agree with having Thanksgiving somewhere else this year. If that’s not an option, I think your dad has to call John and explain that he’s not invited.
Post # 16
Just don’t let him in! Use the peephole to see who it is.