(Closed) NWR but major etiquette help needed

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

John, we’re keeping Thanksgiving family only from now on.

Post # 4
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Same as PP …and then LOCK YOUR DOORS!!!!

Post # 5
4519 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

They need to contact him before Thanksgiving. Can your father call him and let him know he’s not invited (in whatever nice way he wants to say it — I like @strawbabies wording)?

Post # 6
911 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Down Town Club, Philadelphia

@strawbabies:  exactly! And tell him NOW. So he has time to find somewhere else to go!

Post # 7
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Can you host Thanksgiving at your house or your siblings, somewhere other than your parents, so he can’t crash? Obviously your dad should contact him before hand so he isn’t left hanging the day of, but in case he tries to crash anyway.

Post # 10
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Don’t allow this guy to ruin any more of your Thanksigivings. Have your dad call John and let him know that unfortunately he is not invited to Thanksgiving. If it’s easier, your dad can say that the family will be celebrating elsewhere/out of town this year. No matter what John says, make sure your dad doesn’t back down. On Thanksgiving, if John shows up ask him to leave and do not allow him into the house. If he won’t go, threaten to call the police for trespassing.

If this guy is so thick that he’s shown up uninvited to 2 Thanksgivings, he probably won’t get the point if you try to be tactfully or super polite about things. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings, just worry about making sure your family can have a pleasant Thanksgiving.

Post # 11
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

umm I would seriously have your aunt or uncle host…. assuming that he doesn’t know where they live no harm no foul.  “I came to thanksgiving and no one was there” “oh I haven’t talked to you in a year, we switched locations and keep it family only now”

Post # 12
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ChemistryBride:  +1

If you can’t change your plans for this year, then I suggest that your folks tell him that they’re keeping Thanksgiving family-only this year. If they need to soften the blow, they can say it’s because of unspecified situations with you or your sibs. I agree with locking the doors then!

I assume that the relationship with John has waned a LOT since that first year — but are they still close enough for your dad to tell him that he’s concerned about his drinking? Because dude does not seem to be in a good place.

Post # 13
7710 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If anyone has the cajones (I would NOT), it might be doing John a favor to tell him the truth. His drinking and other behavior make people uncomfortable, so he is no longer welcome. He might still get the idea, however, if dad just calls and tells him that you all will be having dinner out of town from now on, so John should make his own plans for Thanksgiving. I do recommend having dinner at a different house for a couple years, just in case he comes knocking at the door anyway….

Post # 14
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Gee, I don’t agree with some of these things posters are saying, but I guess I am kind of a bleeding heart type.  I would just hold the dinner somewhere else- problem solved- IF you really can’t/ do not want to deal.  That is a tough situation.

Post # 15
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This is one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard — what a crappy situation for your family. I agree with having Thanksgiving somewhere else this year. If that’s not an option, I think your dad has to call John and explain that he’s not invited.

Post # 16
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Just don’t let him in! Use the peephole to see who it is.

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