(Closed) NWR: Coping with Friend's Deployment

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 5
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@BostonBaby:  Try not to get upset. Just support your friend. As for care packages, send gum and bath products. From all our friends on deployments, they are always asking for gum. And pens.

Going overseas is not a death sentence so just be supportive and try not to think that she’s not going to come back okay. 

Post # 6
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Talk about how you feeling to people who are willing to listen.  If you keep it bottled up it makes it worse. So even thou its hard at first to talk about it, it does dull the fear a bit.  Make sure you keep in contact with them. Its hard for those who serve sometimes their friends can’t handle it and distance themselves from them while they are away. Don’t tune in too much on the war news, it doesn’t help.

Post # 9
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@BostonBaby:  I’m so sorry you’re going through this! My bff is in the army reserves and he had to be deployed once.  I was freakin’ out more than his gf was.  Though, I’m sure she was just as upset.  And, now my Fiance is also in the military and we just recently attended a conference for “deployment preparedness”.   Nothing can prepare you for this.  *hugs*   Just try to look at it at the bright side,  your friends are doing something very honorable.  And, yes…care packages all the way!  We put together one with “games” like  playing cards and sudoku puzzles. 

P.S.  I’m not sure why your post isn’t as popular.  I have the same problems with my posts, too.  *shrugs*  IDK… //  P.P.S.  I’m in Beantown, too!  What the hell is up with this weather?!

Post # 11
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’ve been in this situation: send lots of care packages, and SKYPE!

Post # 12
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

So sorry you’re going through this.  I’m honestly not sure what to say either, but not for the reason you think.

My husband is a military officer and I do NOT support this war, so please don’t feel like the odd one out in that respect.  Youd’d be suprised at how many don’t!

Anyway, we’ve been through 1 deployment while dating, and 1 as a married couple (that just ended a few weeks ago!).  Even with that experience, it’s not easy giving someone advice.  Deployments suck, end of story.  But remember, it’s not the end of the world.   Like someone else said, it’s not a death sentence.  The US military is incredibly well trained.

As far as care packages go, it depends where she is going.  While we were dating, my husband deployed to a non-combat zone and could buy pretty much anything, so I had to get real creative.  Even if your friend is in Afghanistan, there may be certain things she can get easily and weird random things she can’t.  But homemade baked good are always great, and I’m a big fan of theme boxes – like a movie night box, with a movie, popcorn, big things of candy.  Stuff like that.  If she’s at an FOB, she may need simple things like feminine items.  Pretty much you can send anything but alcohol, pork, and tons of religious items (but a single Bible for personal use is fine if she’s a Christian).  I do a lot of traveling for work and always send my husband a postcard from everywhere I go when he’s deployed.  Calling cards are good too, and remember Skype is amazing.

Also, don’t forget abour her husband.  Not sure what his family/friend situation is, but with his wife deployed also, he may not get the care packages and cards that he otherwise would.

Hope this helps!  Feel free to PM me any time!

Post # 13
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OP, I wouldn’t take it personally. Maybe there aren’t a lot of folks in your situation — civilian with very little military knowledge + very close friend being deployed? I would imagine that there are a lot of “army brat” type people who are used to the culture and then a lot of us who don’t have anyone who we’re that close to overseas.

FWIW, I totally feel this post. I don’t have anyone who I’m close to who is deployed, but I think I’d feel the same way. (I have a pretty strong anti-military bias — not for the people themselves, just for the whole hoo-rah shebang.) The closest I have come to this was when my ex-boyfriend of four years was casting about for something to do with his life in the years after we broke up, and almost joined the military. My mom and I started crying every time we talked about it, and I’m so thankful that he ultimately didn’t.

I think that writing her letters will be good, and care packages as PP have mentioned. And make sure that you are talking to trusted friends (or a counselor) about your fear and sadness.

Post # 14
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@starrynight:  Agree with a lot of what she said!

I’ve been through 3 deployments with Darling Husband (but when we were dating, luckily none so far since we’ve been married, but there will be more in the future Cry) and they can be really, REALLY hard. Lots of worrying, thinking about what ifs; especially when time goes by and I haven’t heard from him. What you’re experiencing is hard, but alas, normal. We worry when someone we love is in what we consider harm’s way and deployment to a war zone this would be!

Darling Husband says he knew I worried about him and that always made him a bit stressed out, because he worried about me being worried! That’s what love does to us, platonic or otherwise. I tried to keep my worries from him, but it was hard, cause he’s my best friend. I found that writing him letters REALLY helped me – good old fashioned letters. I would write him a letter literally every night before I went to bed. Sometimes the letters were simple; how my day had been, what I was up to that weekend, etc. Sometimes the letters were sappy and overly emotional – those I hung onto until he got back from deployment, and then I shared them with him. This way he wouldn’t have to stress while he was gone, but at the same time I could share with him what the experience had been on my end.

I’m also obsessed with cards, I LOVE giving cards, so I was often at CVS looking for funny cards to send to him. I’d collect a bunch and send them out with his care packages.

I would suggest trying the letter thing, but also just remember you aren’t alone. Many people in this world are worrying, on a very personal level, about our service members. Try to talk it out with people IRL, and if you believe in prayer, pray for your friend and her husband everyday. Regardless of how you feel about the war, they are doing something brave and noble, and try to remember that, above all else.

If you need to talk/vent/anything, feel free to PM me at any time!

Post # 16
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@BostonBaby:  I didn’t mean to imply you should totally hide your concerns; it’s natural to be concerned for her well-being and I’m sure she’d appreciate knowing you’re thinking/worrying for her. I just think it’s important, for both of you, to not allow those worries to be the focus of your communication. The funny/happy/kittens&puppies cards would be perfect. 🙂

Regardless of your war stance (I don’t support it either, but unfortunately I think it’s a very complex issue), we can all bond on our concern for friends and family who are serving. That doesn’t change!

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