(Closed) NWR: Corporal Punishment

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Choose what applies
    I did not use or am not planning on using corporal punishment on my children : (27 votes)
    14 %
    I plan to use or used corporal punishment on my children. : (27 votes)
    14 %
    Parents used corporal punishment on me. : (60 votes)
    31 %
    Parents did not use corporal punishment on me. : (16 votes)
    8 %
    I went into parenting believing I wouldn't use corporal punishment and changed my mind. : (2 votes)
    1 %
    My SO and I agree to use corporal punishment. : (29 votes)
    15 %
    My SO and I do not agree on whether to use corporal punishment. : (12 votes)
    6 %
    My SO and I agree NOT to use corporal punishment. : (19 votes)
    10 %
    Corporal punishment is outlawed in homes in my country. : (2 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I’m not a parent so I can only answer about my parents: 

    They NEVER spanked us, not once. My mother was spanked (hit) as a child for discipline and she would never ever allow it. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    3671 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I think I may have been spanked once or twice (I’m not sure because I would have been smaller if I was) but from what I can remember 100%, I don’t recall being spanked.  

    Post # 5
    Member
    2703 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    not a parent, my mom would spank us seldomly, not past first couple years in grade school i believe… and that point she chose a punishment that i mentioned in the other thread. Darling Husband and i will probably discipline our children the same ways as our parents did. (minus my mom’s korean punishment)

    Post # 6
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Also not a parent but my father slapped my hand ONCE when I was a kid (I dont remember what I did) but my mother saw and ripped him a new one. No-one ever laid a hand on me again. My punishments were always time out’s, which to me were TORTURE and I always seemed to learn my lesson. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    2196 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    My father used corporal punishment on me and I think it is one of the main reasons my relationship with him has been strained throughout my life.  Each time he hit me, I just welled up with anger and hatred of him, and those feelings lasted.  Hitting me just pissed me off and made me afraid of him (not afraid to do things that he didn’t like, just afraid of him as a person, in general) and lose respect for him.  It didn’t make me less likely to in the future do the things which caused him to hit me.  I knew from when I was young that I would never hit my children.  FI, meanwhile, was never hit by his parents and yet thinks spankings are a good idea for children.  I’ve basically given him an ultimatum: agree not to hit our children or none are coming out of my body.  I know there are effective ways to discipline children without causing them to hate you (momentarily or otherwise) or teaching them that violence is an appropriate response to frustration.  Pediatric and child psychology associations overwhelmingly agree.  Most of my friends’ parents did not use corporal punishment on them and they turned out to be disciplined, respectful, intelligent children and adults.  In light of so many children turning out well without the use of corporal punishment, I can’t see why ANY parent would elect to use corporal punishment when frustrated with their child–it just seems immature and self-serving, not for the actual good of the child.

    This topic frustrates and disgusts me so much that I’m not going to come back to this thread, so just FYI to everyone–if you respond to me at all, I won’t see it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Not a parent, but I don’t see spanking in a bad light. A pop on the butt isn’t a beating. Like I said in the other post, I was spanked when I did something wrong. Very few times did I get a “beating” (getting a spanking with a belt). I cussed a few times, which warranted the belt, but I was never injured. I’m not emotionally scarred because my parents spanked me. They tried time outs, but they didn’t work with me, and I haven’t seen them work with any other kids either. If I got a spanking for something, I rarely ever did it again. So I rarely got spanked. But both of my parents were on board for it…

    I turned out just fine, and I plan to spank mine when it’s warranted. I don’t plan to be one of those parents who goes nuts if their kid breaks a plate on accident or something, but if I came in and my kid was throwing plates on the floor, they’d get a spanking, and not a little pop on the hand either, and they’d be sent to their room.

    But, that’s just me. When I was a kid, we didn’t have to worry about kids calling DHR because they got a spanking. And people didn’t view it as child abuse. They saw it as an appropriate punishment.

     

    ETA: I got slapped a few times as a teenager for being a smartass with my mom, I suppose I could have gotten her for assault? I’m sorry, but I lived with a cop for 10 years, I don’t see how spanking a child is child abuse.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3587 posts
    Sugar bee

    My parents spanked me about 5 times and I learned my lesson. I knew to do exactly what my parents said. I think if you train your child right, you may have to use it a couple of times, but at a point, you won’t have to.

    It’s also not all coat hangers, extention cords,etc. JUST because a kid doesn’t get spanked doesn’t mean they’ll turn out great, just liek one who does will turn out to beat their kids.

    Some kids need some kind of discipline, which seems to be a bad word these days.(discipline)

    Post # 12
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    @veganglam: I was also spanked and hit, and I had the exact same thoughts and feelings as you did. For me, it was my mom who did the hitting. When I was very young, the spanking confused me. I didn’t understand how my mom could use her hand to cause me pain and terror in one moment, and then use that same hand to soothe me in the next. When I got a bit older, it just made me angry. I felt that she was a hypocrite and a bully. Same as you, I lost respect for her.

    Luckly for me, Fiance and his sister were never spanked as children. His parents rarely even raised their voices at them. So we’re on the same page that spanking is uneccessary and we will never use it on our kids.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    3587 posts
    Sugar bee

    Training what is right or wrong is teaching to me. Just like on the job training, you learn what to do, right? Some kids hit others, but who knows? I never hit another child, never got into a physical fight in my life. I also was never afraid of my parents.

    The more I read the comments in this thread and another, I see people have differences in spankings. People are discussiong objects and a spanking is different from being beat with an extention cord, wire hangers or something.

    To me: Spanking- open hand, Beating- objects like extention cords,hangers,etc
     

    Post # 14
    Member
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @beekiss2 I definitely think that’s an interesting point you bring up.  I was curious what the actual distinction between training and teaching is, and from what I found, teaching is “instilling knowledge” and training is “to form by instruction, discipline or drill.”  I think the difficult part wth teaching is that until the age of reason (around 7 in most children), you can’t expect children to be able to consistently use logic/ reason to apply the knowledge you are teaching.  Under this age, they can not separate fantasy vs reality, be expected to tell the truth, or be able to problem-solve effectively.  Unfortunately, that’s just biology.

    However, I definitely believe that teaching a child is critical, especially as they grow.  I just don’t think explaining an abstract concept to a young child will be effective.

    Edit: I am NOT saying that I approve of regularly spanking children.  Instead, I was trying to look into the challenges of using a logic based approach with young children.

    The topic ‘NWR: Corporal Punishment’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors