Post # 1
Totally not wedding related, but what better place to air what’s on your mind than to other bees?
My FI’s brother, also a good friend of mine even before we started dating is chronically single. I don’t get it! He’s super sweet (really, he would treat any girlfriend like a princess), totally in touch with emotions and feelings, handsome, and… ahh… I could go on! I just don’t understand why he strikes out with women… often. He’ll meet a girl, things seems really awesome at first, then after a date or two, they just sort of fizzle, and he gets the silent treatment or the “let’s just be friends” talk. I know it’s affecting his confidence too!
Do any of you have a friend like this? I know being in a reationship is contagious, and often we want to see people we care about in happy relationships, but I just don’t get it! Do you try to set said friends up? Any tips or advice for said friends?
Post # 3
@kimbean: There has to be something you’re not seeing. Maybe he gets too clingy at first and scares them off? Maybe it’s him that’s not ready for a committment but is too ashamed to admit it? Whatever it is, it’s not for you to fix. You live, love and learn from your mistakes. That’s what life is all about. He needs to do that in order to find who he is supposed to be with. It’s not necessarily that there’s something wrong with him or the girls he’s dating. They’re just not right.
Post # 4
@Megan316: <—-What she said.
Yes, I do have a few friends like this. But trust me, you’re not going to be able to find their perfect mate, or “fix” whatever it is that’s making them strike out. Just keep being a friend and supporting them through these dating situations. Eventually they’ll find the right person.
Post # 5
I have friends who I see like this too but I know them well enough to know what the issue is and generally they are breaking it off a good percentage of the time. I always want to set friends up but I have not been very sucessful as it seems none of the people I would like to introduce live in the same city as each other or me.
Post # 6
@Megan316: i thought this too – maybe he falls too fast? that can be a huge turnoff in the beginning.
I feel for you though, I think the same thing about my husbands brother. He is a great guy, attractive, he was a marine and is now a cop, he is smart and nice and treats girls well yet he can never seem to hold a girlfriend. What makes me the most sad is that i know all he wants in life is a wife and some kids and his younger siblings are getting married all around him 🙁
on another note: i’ve set friends up once before – a good friend of mine and someone I work with – they now live together and are talking about a summer wedding! sucess! can i join patty’s team now? haha
Post # 7
My Darling Husband was like that before me. Maybe your friend is just too nice~ sad, but true, women will lose interest if the man just doesn’t seem into them. I almost stopped dating my Darling Husband a few months into it b/c I wasn’t getting “those” signals from him, but he was just so respectful and cautious that, even though he was feeling it, he didn’t come on to me or try to take things further. Maybe your friend just isn’t the most confident guy in the world? Darling Husband is the geeky type, and in highschool he was going to science contests (whatever they’re called) and not on dates, so he just didn’t feel like he had game. I actually got kind of bored (shh, I hate to say it) but he was so passionate about his hobbies (flying, motorcycles, playing in a band), I enjoyed sharing those things with him. The more he felt understood and accepted by me, the more comfortable he became with showing his passion for me.
It’s the “let’s be friends” talk part that has me thinking he just doesn’t know how to take the reins in the beginning and the girls are getting bored. I agree that’s it largely about finding the right woman, but it might also be about your friend’s confidence? If he’s putting himself in the friend zone (staying home, watching movies, NOT making any moves), then that’s all the girl is going to think she feels for him. Whatever his passion is in life, he’s got to share it with her and bring her along for the ride…
Just my thoughts! I bet he’s a great guy and someone is going to be very happy someday!
Post # 8
Ahhh! Thanks ladies!
I, too, kind of suspect that he gets clingy. He wants so desperatly to find the right girl, that I think he just latches on to any girl. I know holidays and birthday effect him too. There is an odd number at the “adult” table, as he is the only one not in a “couple”… in his parents home, that has to be tough!
Also, he’s kind of geeky too, and didn’t date much in high school. We’re tried to encourage him to try out online dating, but he feels strongly against it for whatever reason. I think he looks at it as him not being good enough on the surface or something. But, as a kind of shy guy, I think it will be so good for him to meet girls with similar interests right off the bat!
There should be a “date my friend” website where people can set up there attractive, single, and kinda geeky friends!
Post # 9
@kimbean: I actually think that the dating website is a great idea. Maybe show him some stats on how many people actually meet online. Shoot, show him one of the threads on here of ladies who put which site they met their fi/dh on! It really does work
Post # 10
@kimbean: I have a friend exactly like this. He’s desperate to settle down and have a wife and kids and the whole bit. He’s sweet, handsome, makes good money, has a house, I can’t understand why it just never works out! However, I’ve noticed, same as you’ve said, he will take ANY girl that is the least bit interesting. I think that if he just waited a while and went on a few dates with a few girls or even just let the right girl come along, then maybe he’d find happiness.
Right now he’s been on-and-off seeing a girl who just finished a divorce, she’s looking for a bedmate, and he’s looking for a lifemate. It’s sad. I especially like this girl too, but she’s just not ready to jump back into marriage (understandably) and that’s what he’s trying to achieve.
*sigh* I wish I could help him, but he’s got to help himself!
Post # 11
See! I knew it!! It’s the geek syndrome. He’s so used to being the friend, he doesn’t know how to “be the man” yet. If I wasn’t so crazy about my Darling Husband we never would have made it through the awkward months…
I vote for online dating… but beg him not to meet with anyone until they’ve emailed A LOT. I think this guy needs to be able to show who he is without the pressure of face-to-face. When someone realizes what an intelligent, caring soul he is, it will change everything.
(I’m projecting a bit here, but that’s what happened with my Darling Husband when I wouldn’t meet him for a blind date, but was willing to email)
Post # 12
@.twist.: “*sigh* I wish I could help him, but he’s got to help himself!”
This! Maybe it’s a confidence issue? Like, they don’t want to make a change, because if something doesn’t work, they don’t want to feel further defeated?
@MrsSl82be:Online dating is PREFECT for him! His sister and I (FSIL), and even Brother-In-Law have tried to nudge him in that direction, just gently. He was close to signing up last week, but ultimately didn’t. Good idea on the statistics, maybe I can find a few articles too. Just somthing to make him feel like he’s not a “dating failure”
Post # 13
@kimbean: I honestly didn’t know that so many people use online dating until getting on this site, but yeah, I would definitely find some stats and articles for him, to show him that it is becoming so much more common place now. Its like one woman on a commercial said (I think it was match.com, could have been eharmony though) “I own my own business and am just too busy to find someone. This takes all the guess work out of it, and I don’t have to do the work to find someone” (probalby not her exact words, but close enough!)