- Ms. Martian
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
Ok so this is absolutely non-wedding related and maybe there isn’t anyone who can relate here.
I’ll try to sum this up as much as possible.
ETA: tl;dr : Grandma is batshit crazy and needs to be cut from our lives. How do I get my mom to see this and stop calling her?
My Grandmother who is in her 70s and lives in Eastern Europe is destroying my mother’s life and sanity.
She divorced my grandfather in 1962 when my mom was 2 years old and raised my mom mostly on her own (holds it over her head too). Their relationship has always been rocky. Even the distance has not changed a thing. I remember them not talking for months because my grandmother would get angry about something ridiculous. I am actually quite confident that she has always been mentally unstable.
Nurses and doctors have said that she is depressed and stressed out and probably has early signs of dementia. She refuses to take medication because she claims she’s fine.
About 6 years ago her second husband passed away so we helped her move to a smaller apartment. She lived there until this past spring. She picked this place out but complained non-stop about how much she hated it for whatever reason. Turns out she really hated her neighbours which we only found out once she moved to her current place.
My mom flew there twice this past year and helped her find a new place, and renovate it (my parents put 25k in renos). Grandma LOVED the new place.
This past summer we found out that someone (she claims) tried to break into her apartment. She lives on the ground floor and left her balcony door wide open so apparently someone walked in, saw her and ran out.
Since this incident she has not let up on wanting to move because she claims she’s scared (which she tells us but tells a different story to other people). We offered for someone to come stay with her, to put bars on the balcony, to rent out the place and have her move elsewhere, for her to move in with family members. She turned all of them down and just wants to move.
Her other issue is also that my mom is now on title. She added herself when they bought this place because she doesn’t want to have to deal with the paperwork and complications when Grandma passes. This was a big fight with Grandma because she thinks that my brother and I will come there and kick her out. She’s paranoid. We have NO intention of move back there, ever.
Their last conversation a few days ago ended with my grandmother saying that my mom didn’t exist to her anymore and that she didn’t want to talk to her ever. My mom has decided she’s going to remove herself from title.
Ok so with that does anyone have any suggestions on how I talk to my mom about this? I have tried to explain to her that Grandma is toxic (I have the Toxic Parents book to give to my mom to read) and that if she is going to remove herself from title she also needs to cut all contact with her. I told her that if she treated me like this I would not have any contact with her. I get that she feels guilty because she feels like she owes her not just because it’s her mother but because of how hard their life was etc.
I don’t really see any other solution than to cut contact with her because she is SO unreasonable. She just wants what she wants and that’s it.
As much as my mom and I don’t get along sometimes I hate seeing her like this. Every phone call up until this last one has ended in tears when she calls her mom.
ETA: Sorry this is so long!!