(Closed) NWR Dealing with toxic grandmother – how do I get my mom to see what I see?

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
38 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

So sorry to hear that your family and your mom are having to deal with this. Would it be possible to get Grandma a security system? It seems that Grandma likes attention regardless of her mental health issues. She may be lonely due to losing her husband and being away from family. Does she have family where she lives or in the same country? Your mom dropped what she was doing to come out twice to help move. Grandma may want to move again to get the same action from your mom. Grandma is pulling the “you don’t exist card” because she isn’t hearing what she wants to hear. Which is, “no prob mom, I’ll rush right over the great big ocean and be there for you. See you tomorrow.”

Does Grandma have any other children that can help with the situation? Your mom removing herself from the title is a good idea so she doesn’t have to be involved that way. But regardless of that she will have to be involved someday. Especailly if Grandma does have dementia and will not be able to make decisions. Someone will have to step in and take care of her or find someone to give her care.

It can be very hard to shut out family completely, no matter how toxic they are. I have never been able to do it no matter how much I wanted to. Give her the book. I hope she reads it. You can’t expect mom to shut out Grandma. I don’t think she will. What you can do is support your mom. Give her an ear and a shoulder. Let your mom know it’s ok to not have all the answers. Let her know that Grandma will NEVER be pleased and to not forsake her health (mental and physical) over Grandma’s issues. Unfortunatley, you won’t be able to fix it for mom or grandma, but you can be there for mom when she needs to vent. I hope this helps.

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