(Closed) NWR: Death of a loved one and FIs anxiety

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like you’re handling your grief in a healthy way.

It sounds like he needs help outside of your relationship (like a therapist) to deal with his anxiety. You can’t–and shouldn’t–be his sole emotional support.

Post # 5
36 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011

I suffer from GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and recently was thrown into a constant panic attack. Like took over my life for two weeks, lost 10lbs cause I couldn’t eat, didn’t want to get out of bed….

It was really really hard and none of what I was feeling was rational but I couldn’t make it go away. 

I did have to go to the ER for something to calm me down and then my regular DR placed me on daily medication (again). It’s been a godsend to me. 

Maybe along with his therapy he could start taking something to help his irrational thoughts. Not everyone wants to medicate and I fought it for a long time but it can really make a difference. 


You on the other hand seem to be dealing as well as possible given your situation. Try to keep your head up. 

Post # 6
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s good that your Fiance is still going to therapy and I think you should consider some yourself. It would be good to talk to them about what’s happening in your life (which is a lot!) and give you a chance to vent away from your Fiance so you can continue to be supportive for him.

I also think a couples session could be good, your Fiance needs to realize that you need support too with the sudden loss of your Father and that might be an easier situation for you to bring it up to not spark more anxiety for him.

Good luck and I hope you get everything worked out.

Post # 7
1274 posts
Bumble bee

First of all, I just want to say I’m very sorry to hear about your father. You sound like you are handling it in a healthy way but do reach out to someone if you feel you need more support in grieving. 

It’s completely understandable that you don’t feel the energy to deal with fiance’s state right now. As someone who has a fiance with depression and anxiety I can offer you a few tips. It’s great that your Fiance is going to see a therapist once a week. Make sure he keeps up with that. Let him know you are there to support him, but that he needs to seek out extra help or speak to his therapist if he thinks he needs help with dealing with the irrational fears he’s experiencing.  You cannot help with that part, and do not internalize his issues and fears as your own. Often stress/big changes can trigger these kind of episodes like your Fiance had with the job change. Even if he’s NEVER had anything like this before.

It’s hard when you haven’t been through it. He needs to be reassured you are there for him but you cannot be his therapist. He seems to know he needs help which is good. I would strongly suggest you look up mental health resources for family/spouses in your area to get some support for you too. They tend to have a monthly get together where you can learn about the mood disorder or types of anxiety he is experiencing and where to get help for him and how you can deal with it. 

If he is having issues now, they may go away in time with help from his therapist and possibly medication. It is very possible he could have other episodes like this in the future though.  If possible, ask your fiance to schedule a session where you can come in for a half hour with him just to get a better handle on what he is going through and what the therapist is suggesting to help him through it. It’s better to be prepared and know how to deal with it now. This is a true test of strength girl. Believe me. On top of what you are going through with your personal emotions, it’s hard. I know it is. Please reach out to others and feel free to PM me anytime you need some encouragement or if you need help tracking down resources in your area. 🙂 

Post # 9
340 posts
Helper bee

You are an amazing woman who is selfless and puts everyone ahead of you. You need to put you first. Your Fiance isn’t going to leave you over it. You need to mourn and your Fiance is being so selfish to put his needs ahead of yours. Jobs will always be out there. You just lost your dad. You need to have a deep talk with your finance and very bluntly explain that you love and care about him, but he is fine. His boss told him he made a mistake because he was mad he was leaving his company that is all. You are dealing with something so heartbreaking that you need him to man up and be there for you.

I deal with death by alone time and crying and trying to wrap my head around everything. I am so sorry that you are being smothered. It is natural to feel the way you do. You just need to stop being the one that is taking care of everyone and take care of yourself.

Post # 10
24 posts
  • Wedding: December 2018

I am so sorry. You sound like such a good person. Just wanted to send hugs.

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