NWR: Do you ask your SO if it's okay to entertain guests at your home?

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Do you ask your SO before inviting people to your shared home?
    Yes, it's our house, they should be consulted first. : (115 votes)
    64 %
    No, it's my house, too. I don't need to ask first. : (2 votes)
    1 %
    I would consult if it's a planned get together of more than 5 people. : (18 votes)
    10 %
    I would feel slighted if my SO didn't run it by me first. : (45 votes)
    25 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    787 posts
    Busy bee

    I always run stuff by him first. I don’t necessarily ask permission, but it’s his home too. We don’t have a ton of guests over but if either of us do, we let the other one know. We’ve got 10 1 week old puppies at our home right now so we are currently having tons of visitors & I’ll tell him who is coming by even if he won’t be here just out of respect. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee

    I only ask him if he’s going to be home. He works pretty much 24/7 so I kinda get to do what I want. Since he works so much, he doesn’t bring friends over. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    408 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    We consult with each other.

    Post # 34
    Member
    1593 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    teacher-bee-in-the-sea :  Darling Husband and I absolutely consult each other before ever saying yes to something like this, or even suggesting it. We’re both homebodies and pretty private so I think we both prefer meeting people at a different venue but keeping our home for us. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    3552 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

    teacher-bee-in-the-sea :  I usually run it by him and he always asks me. It’s a nice courtesy when you share a home with someone. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    356 posts
    Helper bee

    Absolutely. I’m incredibly introverted and need my time at home. We don’t have a giant house where the can hang out on the other side or anything. He had to get used to “asking” me, but he understands why now.

    Post # 37
    Member
    164 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I always ask my husband and he always asks me… We live in a small apartment, and if guests are over there is no where for the other person to escape to… So even 1 guest is a pretty big imposition. We usually frame the question in a “Do you mind” kind of way, but it’s a 2-way street. It’s just commong courtesy to me, really. I would do the same with roommates.

    Somehow I don’t think this will change much if we move to a bigger home, though. We are both pretty big introverts/home-bodies and need some notice to have company over. We are also both opposed to wearing pants at home, so I guess it’s just nice to know that you need to be dressed because someone is coming…

    Post # 38
    Member
    161 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    For me, I would only ask if he was going to be home. It’s my home too, and I’m entitled to have people come over if I want – but that entitlement does not extend to forcing personal interaction on him. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    3867 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    teacher-bee-in-the-sea :  I always run things by Darling Husband and ABSOLUTELY expect he do the same for me. Permission has nothing to do with it. If I have guests over, any guests (1-100), I will want to make sure that the house is tidy. I take pride in my home and it is typically kept clean (no dishes in sink), but I typically don’t do things like vaccum or do a heavier clean until the weekends, so it gets a little cray on Friday. Even so, I would absolutely want a head’s up if someone was going to be there when I arrived home. I’m a “bra-off-as-soon-as-I-walk-in-the-door” type of a gal and depending on who it was, I may not be comfortable doing that, so it’d be nice to get as much notice as possible. 

    Also, ten people or more? What the heck? Yeah, I’d definitely need AMPLE time to plan for that. That is a full blown party, not something you just spring upon your partner. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    2019 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Always. Even if I won’t be there, he’ll say ‘john is going to stop by for a few hours tonight. Cool with you?’. If I will be there, it’s more like ‘do you mind if John comes over around 5 to watch the football game?’. 

    If he invited 10+ people and just ‘informed’ me, we’d probably get into a fight. I just think that’s so rude. I like to chat with his friends when they visit, not hide upstairs or anything, so I think it’s appropriate and necessary to consult my feelings, too. I would hate to feel like my house is just open to the public whenever Darling Husband feels like telling someone to drop by. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

    It’s not permission… just respect. When we first moved in together we weren’t in a relationship, just roommates, and our “roommate agreement” included giving 30 minutes notice if you were bringing someone back to the house. A “put pants, on, clean up” warning. Or even an opportunity to go somewhere and close a door if you don’t want to interact.

    Things haven’t changed much these days… we both give a heads up if somebody is going to stop by. If it’s a “bigger gathering” like 10 people… that’s a pretty huge get together as far as I’m concerned that takes time to prepare for. I would never have more than a couple people over without seriously cleaning the house, making sure we’re fully stocked with drinks and snacks, etc, etc. And we’re both introverted and having more than a guest or two is seriously draining. More than 3 people for sure requires “permission”… meaning, the other person absolutely has veto power about hosting a party.

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