(Closed) NWR Do you open eachother’s mail?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Do you open your SO's mail?

    We open eachother's all the time


    He opens mine but I wouldn't open his

    I open his but he wouldn't open mine

    Only on specifically allowed occassions


  • Post # 32
    9816 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I open all the mail. DH has a habit of tossing it on the computer table and it gets lost until I open it and take care of it (property taxes, car tax, registrations, hospital and preschool info CAN NOT GET LOST!)

    Whether or not it’s my name or his name, it doesn’t matter. Stuff has to be opened.

    The only thing we won’t open of each other’s is a package someone has ordered.


    Post # 33
    7368 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Absolutely not!

    The only instance that I could see is we have mutual bills and it just happens to come addressed to only one of of us. OTher than that. my mail, my business. His mail, his business. Thats not to say we don’t share  knwoledge of each others debt levels but open up each others mail is not gonna fly in our household. I’m not gonna police him opening his mail or not either.  He knows whats in there, if he doesn’t want to look at it, no skin off of my back. (obviously thats if its personal thing and not some mortage or mutual bill)

    Post # 34
    135 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I’m more organized, so bill paying is my job. I keep spread sheets and records of when each thing is sent, how much it was, due date, etc..

    I open pretty much everything, but if it’s a personal card or a package, I leave it for him.

    Post # 35
    194 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    People think its weird, but we open eachothers mail. Mostly I open his but if hes in the mood to get the mail he opens mine. We don’t open eachothers packages or things that are clearly cards/gifts or something we ordered online.

    I can see why people think its weird, possibly an invasion of privacy, but its not to us.

    Post # 36
    1263 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I open everything, unless I think it’s something he would rather open (a bday card, package, or something that looks personal).  If he didn’t open his mail it would never get opened.  We are very open in this way though.  We have all joint accounts and I pay all the bills.  It works for us.

    Post # 37
    4500 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Wow, I’m surprised by the results of this poll! I figured almost everyone would say no.

    We never open each other’s mail, not that we have anything to hide, but–it’s just a boundary issue. I think I would go nuts if he opened my mail. I’d feel like I’d completely lost my independence at that point, if that doesn’t sound overly dramatic. :0) Seriously, I just would never even think of it, unless he specifically needed me to open something for him.

    Post # 38
    7172 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    No – we open our own, individually.  I think one time, he got something, and I couldn’t wait til he got home – but I called him to ask if I could open it…

    Post # 39
    4822 posts
    Honey bee

    depends what it is. If we are waiting for something or its an invite I will or he will, but otherwise I could care less about his bank statements etc that come in the mail. I will throw out the CC pre-approvals though. He never sees those. Its not that he is not allowed, I just know he doesnt want them.

    Post # 40
    2191 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Yeah, we do but normally we ask first. Like is he’s off during the week and gets the mail he will text me if I got something odd looking and I’ll just tell him to open it.

    Not a big deal to us. We don’t hide anything at all…he has my passwords and I have his for everything, we open each others mail…nothing is a mystery with us.

    Post # 40
    5654 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If one of us got a personal letter then probably not but ultimately it’s a what’s mine is his and his is mine kinda home. I couldn’t imagine not being that integrated with each other.

    I am the one that takes care of paying the bills and I’m home during the day so generally I open everything but it really doesn’t matter either way.

    Post # 41
    5398 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    We don’t really get bills in the mail, we just have paper statements online.  So, most of the stuff we get is junk and is fair game for either of us to shread, it just depends who gets to it first.

    Post # 42
    4801 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would open any bills, but other than that I usually don’t open it.  I do however check his Facebook all the time 🙂

    Post # 43
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wouldn’t say we open eachothers mail “all the time” but it’s definitely a regular occurance in our house. I normally get the mail so unless he’s nearby when I’m going through it, I open it. If he’s around then I just give it to him to open.

    For those who threw out the felony card… I’d like to see him try to press charges against me. Then he can bail my ass out of jail! 

    Post # 44
    464 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I am actually not too surprised about the results. I have bounderies, but one of them is not mail. I know some women who dont care if their Fiance or DH goes in their purse or cel, but I personally dont really like it. Its my bubble. Others its their mail. My mom HATES my step dad opening any of her mail, even though its mostly mutual bills. Absolutly hates it, but doesnt care if he goes into her phone.

    With the laws regarding it, I doubt they were put in place to make sure a significant other doesnt open mutual mail, and permission can be givin, so I dont really sweat it. Fiance would open his own if he had to, but he doesnt. Hes gotten used to it, and I am a stay at home mom. Comes with the daily chores to get through. Get, open and orginze mail.

    Post # 45
    3482 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    We don’t open each other’s mail unless we explicitly tell the other to, which usually only happens with packages that aren’t a surprise, to make sure the item arrived intact and as described. We certainly don’t hide the contents of our regular mail from each other, but for the time being it just seems like common courtesy to only open our own mail unless there’s any kind of urgency about it. I’m sure when we own a house and have kids we’ll get more lax about it.

    DH is absolutely forbidden from touching or even coming near any packages that are sent to me around his birthday, though. I order a fair amount of hard-to-find items for him online, and he has guessed the contents before just by the sound they made when they shifted as the box got handed over!

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