- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So, I’ll start by saying I don’t know what kind of advice I’m looking for. I think I’m more just venting. I know my options for the situation, but obviously because I’m posting, I am totally open to suggestions, comments, opinions, etc.
In 2011, a girl started working at my company. We had some things in common, superficial kind of things such as enjoying the same music, she’s in nursing school and I am working towards nursing school, etc. We’re the same age (6 months apart), but she is EXTREMELY immature. For example, a coworker might be sitting on the couch at work, and she’ll go up and jump on them (she was 22 at the time of our friendship. She’s 24 now, but her maturity level has not changed). We hung out together frequently during summer 2011 because we had the same days off. Her immaturity hadn’t bothered me too much at the time. Because I’m the baby of most of my friends, it was almost refreshing to hang out with someone younger. BIG mistake.
Towards the end of summer 2011, I realized she had a problem. She’s an alcoholic. Red flags started going up when we went to the drive in movie theater just her and me, and she finished a 12-pack of beer all on her own in about 2 hours. She’s like 125 pounds, so she’s a fairly petite girl, not that weight should matter in the case, but point being, she was WRECKED. From that point, she went back to college for the semester. She still lived on campus. I think this contributes to her drinking. I spent the night at her dorm back in 2011 and again, she drank excessively by herself in the dormroom. I drank nothing (I’m not a drinker) and her roommate drank nothing. She just got completely drunk all on her own. Since then, she’s been kicked off campus due to too many alcohol violations. She still goes to school there, but is not allowed to live on campus.
Drinking instances like this persisted as I started backing away from the friendship. She was frequently having one night stands as a result of her drinking and I had no idea how to help her. The final straw was in early 2012, she was entirely wasted at a party, and Fiance offered her our couch. She came over, I got the couch together for her and she was stumbling all over my house, knocking things over, etc. We both had to work in the morning, so I went to bed. I got up to go to work the next morning and realized she left in the middle of the night. She left my front door unlocked, and drove drunk nearly an hour back to her dorm. I was absolutely livid. I pretty much stopped talking to her at that point. A few weeks later, a close friend of mine was killed by a drunk driver. He had his sons in the car who thankfully survived. I completely lost it and absolutely refused to talk to her. She kept getting on my case about it, and I told her that she has a problem and she needs to get help. She admitted to her drinking problems, called herself an alcoholic. She denied everything the next day. I was done.
So we still work together, and she has tried to rekindle our friendship on several occassions. Not going to lie, I want nothing to do with her. I want a good working relationship, but she has literally told me our friendship is an all-or-nothing thing. She essentially said that we have to be best friends or we can’t be friends at all.
Here’s why I’m writing this. New Years Eve I walked into a local bar with Fiance. This bar is where a ton of my coworkers go so we were meeting up with them. There was this girl. I ignored her as usual because it’s just easier. Well, she was obviously beyond drunk as usual. She essentially ambushed me and asked if we could talk. She pulled me aside and started crying saying how she is sad our friendship isn’t what it was. She said she’s drunk right now, but really she has changed and has been drinking less. I’m thinking we work together. I heard stories about how you were vomiting on the floor of the bar on your 24th birthday like TWO weeks ago! Are you kidding me?? I didn’t know what to say and tried to stay neutral, but really, I don’t want to be friends. She texted me the next day (yesterday) and said thanks for talking last night and that she was glad to get some things out there. She sent another text asking to hang out next week and have a sober conversation. I didn’t reply to either.
My problem is, as she said, apparently our friendship is an all-or-nothing thing. All I want is a working relationship. But she’s legit like a nutjob and I feel like if I say that, I’m just asking for more trouble. We’re at completely different places in our lives and I just cannot handle her and her friendship. I just don’t know what to do. UGH!! So for those of you who made it through my rant/vent, what’s your take? I feel like a bitch just ignoring her, but I’m really at a loss at how to approach this. She’s really not a stable person to be able to talk to, so that’s definitely the biggest problem with just sitting down and being honest with her. Ideally, I’d like to tell her I just want to be decent to each other at work, but like I said, she’s nuts. It’s like walking on eggshells!! And ignoring her leads to these drunken ambushes. Ok, so what would you do?