- 6 years ago
This isn’t wedding related, although I suppose it could tie into it at some point. (No father to walk me down the aisle)
I don’t have a relationship with my paternal family. My mom was 18 when she and my father got pregnant. He was from a family that this meant they needed to get married, and when she refused, they pretty much treated us with about as much warmth as those with some incredibly contagious, life threatening disease. At least – this is the side I’ve gotten from my mother.
I’m sure there is another side to the story, but I will never know… or will I?
I started talking to my paternal aunt last year. I got gutsy and reached out to her on Facebook with the help of my mother. She didn’t add me (because not everyone knows her brother, my father, has a child). But, she did give me her email address and we have been chatting ever since. We’ve been keeping it pretty nonchalant, casual, “what’s your favorite color” kind of conversation. We’ve touched very BRIEFLY on the hard stuff, but mostly in a way that I’m letting her know (and by association, the family) that I’m over it, I’m not mad. But here I am, as an adult, giving them a second chance expecting nothing less or more than their respect.
Well, in the last several emails we have really started to hit the hard stuff, and she’s really shown me that she is in it for a relationship with me. She said she feels jipped of a niece and even she didn’t understand fully when she was younger, why I wasn’t allowed around. In our last email I found out that not only she wants to meet me, but so does my grandmother. My grandfather does NOT, and she’s heard nothing from my father about the situation.
I emailed her back with some harder questions. I’ve been the family’s dirty secret, so most importantly, what do I stand up against should I come into their lives? Kind of hard to be like, “oh yea, this is my 24 year old niece/daughter/granddaughter that we never told anybody about because we’ve had our heads up our asses, and it took her reaching out as an adult to accept….” But, I digress.
She gave me her phone number. She wants to talk the hard stuff over the phone or skype. I really respect this, but she did mention that some things are too ugly to type, and I’m an emotional person sometimes. I just hope I can keep my composure.