Post # 1
I have a tough etiquette situation at my job. I got married recently and my coworkers did not congratulate me, give me a card, or anything even though they all knew I was getting married and would be gone for 5 days after on my honeymoon. This didnt upset me at all but I thought it was in kind of poor taste not to even say “congratulations” considering I would offer that much to a complete stranger and these people see me for 45 hours a week and Ive worked there for 2 years and there are only 15 people in my office. My workplace has a really high rate of people quitting but the managers have all been there for over 8 years and are really clicky and hang out all the time outside of work. Anyway one of the girls in the click is pregnant and she is due in November. They are passing around collection jars for a stroller off their registry. I have passed on donating twice now and I just came to work and the jar is sitting on my desk with a note that says “please be a team player”…… in other words “please contribute like everyone else”. I have a huge problem with this considering I didn’t even get as much as a verbal “congratulations” on my wedding and suddenly I am expected to donate toward a gift for someone else? I feel like people should kind of get what they give…….
Post # 3
I understand what you are going through, but have one question… is it worth it to take the stand to possibly have a hard time at work after the fact?
Either way – i totally get where you are coming from and do not blame you at all if you don’t contribute.
Post # 4
How childish that someone would do that to you. I’d give it back ,and if anyone asks you why, tell them what you’ve told us. Nobody congratulated you, so you’re returning the favor. 😛
Post # 5
Throw a dollar in there? It sounds like you work with horrible people. Weddings aren’t necessarily collection-appropriate, but they could have at least said congrats or gotten you a card!
Post # 6
I’d donate (like $5) and pass the jar back. These people are clearly not your friends but I’d try to be the bigger person.
Post # 7
@EggFooYung: I would respectfully decline. I hate when office places do this. One of the girls in my office is pregnant and a few months ago there was a shower for her where we all brought food. While I did contribute food, I did not buy her a gift even though everyone else did, and I didnt feel bad about it. First of all I had only worked there for 2 months and second of all I knew that nothing would be done like this for my wedding so I just didnt participate. I wonder WHO put it on your desk!! If you care about saving face then contribute but if not then dont. And if someone asks you why you didnt you can just politely say that you dont know the woman that well or something along those lines.
Post # 8
Wow what a situation!! And they are still after you? How rude they are to expect you to do that…in my opinion.
I don’t think you should be obligated to give anything. You should be able to decide if and what you want to buy.
Don’t make it a spiteful situation though. If you would have given a gift before you were married then maybe you should think about buying a gift.
Times in the economy are difficult right now so losing your job over giving a few bucks is another thing to consider (especially if these people have a way of “getting rid of those unwanted”).
Hope some of this helps give you some hope on what to do!!
Post # 9
@aitkenpatty – I think I would rather have a hard time from them for sticking up for myself than giving in and giving them something they expect.
I know weddings are not collection-appropriate, but it still bothers me how they thought it was okay to not even give me a verbal congratulations from one person yet they think its okay to leave a money jar on my desk and a rude note asking me to fill it up.
They were not invited to my wedding (it was very small) but I have also not been invited to any baby showers for this woman or any social events outside work that everyone else is invited to.
Post # 10
I would decline contributing but not give the true reason why. If anyone asks you about it, say something about how you don’t know the woman well, had some unexpected expenses this month, etc. You should never feel forced to contribute (I think it it awful that they are actually keeping track of who puts money in the jar).
Post # 11
I would just give it back without putting anything in it. There is no rule that says you need to give any money.
Edit! How about throwing some change in. You donated are they happy now 🙂
Post # 12
I totally get where you’re coming from. I really do. But, I think you should donate. Mostly because you’ll look like the bigger person. And also because it will avoid being on their sh*t list. It really sucks, but it seems to be the lesser of 2 evils.
Post # 13
@Mrs.KMM: I agree – participating in purchasing a gift should be VOLUNTARY. I would hand the jar to the person collecting money and sweetly say that unfortunately at this time you aren’t able to contribute due to personal reasons and you appreciate their understanding. And leave it at that. They don’t need to know if your “personal reasons” are financial or because they’re b*tches.
Post # 14
I would still donate money….I always have. Maybe they didn’t give you a gift or anything at work…but did you invite them to your wedding? shrug? I wouldn’t expect a gift or anything from coworkers you didn’t invite to the wedding. It’s kinda like not inviting your neighbor but expecting them to give you a gift or say congrats…it’s a little akward.
Post # 15
Oh god, that’s a really tough situation. That was way out of line for them to come BACK to you a 3rd time and write a specific note to push you again to give $. I mean, you should never pressure people in the workplace to give $ for anything, but worse in your situation because of how they’ve been treating you.
You know actually what Miss Manners suggested to someone in a similar situation is give the jar back to the person who put it on your desk (if you even know who that is, I’m sure they will all deny it) and say “I’m so sorry, but I’ve already declined this twice and I will a third time as i”ve already picked out a different gift for (name of coworker)” You don’t have to say what the gift is, but they can no longer push you to contribute since you have ‘already gotten something’. YOu don’t ever have to materialize a gift and if you’re forced into the shower at work just say Congratulations.
Post # 16
Um, you could go with the “I’ve always heard it was bad luck to give presents before the baby is born, so it’s not something I feel comfortable doing.” When I was pregnant, people asked me if it was okay to give me something before Moose was born because a lot of people see it as bad luck. I never understood it. Now I do. Tell them you’re not comfortable with it.