- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2014
In July, FH’s mother passed away rather unexpectedly. Since her passing, things have been an absolute whirlwind from planning her funeral, his father moving and just life in general. I know that FH has never been one for emotional conversation, but I told him that I would be there for him anytime he wanted to talk. I lost my father when I was young so I’ve been in his shoes and thought that I could help him. He very rarely talks about it. I understand that he likes to keep busy and I figured that he was handling it as well as could be expected so I didn’t pry. After the funeral we had a short conversation, but when things get heavy, FH closes off and changes the subject. Last night, FH bought some whisky, drank and he told me that he feels guilty for not going to see his mother the day before or the day that she died. She had invited him to a church picnic but he didn’t attend because of other obligations. The day she died, he was off work and he spent the day playing video games and relaxing. When his mother texted him to ask if he would be coming, he told her no but that he would see her later and she replied “Your loss.”
I don’t really know what to do. I know the way he grieves and I know he usually keeps to himself. I also know not to try and pull things out of him, but it hurts me to know that he feels so much guilt. He keeps saying that he should have picked up on some sign that she was going to die and that he should have gone over to see her, that he could have done something. His mother had a DNR, and even if he had been there to call an ambulance, they could not have helped her. And of course, she died unexpectedly and had been in good health before her death, so there were no signs.
I understand the guilt he feels because I was out of town going swimming the morning my father passed away, but unlike FH, I need to talk about things.
I know he won’t see a therapist and I know he won’t talk to his dad about it because they are the same way, but I’m honestly worried for him. I don’t want him to torture himself with guilt and I keep telling him that if he wants to talk that I’m always here, but it still feels like it’s not enough and I feel helpless.
I know that there are no answers here for me or for him. I just needed to get it out in the open to someone who might have something to say or that could relate, even just a little bit, to the situation.
Thanks for reading Bees.