(Closed) NWR: Fiance being excluded from work events

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

[comment moderated for snark/baiting]
 

Post # 5
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@tovaford12:  Wow, snarky much….

 

@Bostongrl25:  I know it can be really hard to be excluded.  One of my old jobs was very clique-y, and it sucked.  They went bowling after work, etc. and never invited me.  It definitely makes for an unhappy work environment.  Maybe you and he should have a BBQ or something and invite everyone over?  

Post # 6
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Linz1231:  agreed, I think maybe hosting something and inviting everyone, and allowing them to see the guy you see might help in this matter. Still, I’m sure it sucks to know you are being excluded, I feel for the guy 🙁

Post # 7
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@tovaford12:  ummmmm your RUDE!!!!

 

OP…that sucks…but he should probly say something! I know i would! and maybe working from home is not a bad idea….. Its hard when you feel like the out cast.

why dont you guys try and invite some co workers over?

Post # 8
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

why don’t you two set up a get together and invite his co-workers? 

if everyone turns down the invite, then you know something is up. then he can confront them… and if it comes down to it and he’s really feeling bad about being excluded, it’s become an uncomfortable/hostile work environment and his HR should be brought in.

BUT… if the invites are accepted and they show up at your place, then you can be there to help your fiance open up and be more outgoing with his co-workers. and… it might put the girls at ease. without you there, they might be feeling like hanging out with their male co-worker would be crossing a line of some sort.

Post # 9
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

[comment moderated for snark]
 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@tovaford12:  Someone get up on the mean girl side of the bed today?

I’m the same way as your Fiance (introverted with extroverted tendencies with strangers). I agree with PP that you should have a get together with his coworkers to break the ice. The women of his office may simply think that he doesn’t want to be invited because he is male. I know he is the only man in the department, but are the other men of his office invited out? That might give you some clue.

Post # 13
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

THis happened to me at my current job and I totally understand how hurtful and upsetting it is. It wasn’t even just weekend plans, everyone from my group would literally all get up and go to lunch together without inviting me and frequently would set up happy hours after work and leave me out. Same with your FH, it was a group of cliquey girls who were arranging it and the boys didn’t want to get involved in the drama so they just stayed out of it and didn’t try to get me invited.

So anyway, my advice to your FH is to just ignore it. The girls ‘get off’ on leaving someone out, I can almost guarantee it. Otherwise, what is the point of leaving out one single person from the office? How horrible would it be to just include him? The answer is, not at all – but then it wouldn’t be a clique. For about 9 months I kept my head down, concentrated on work and ignored all of the obvious times I was being clearly left out and slowly but surely things took a 180 degree turn for the better. I made my own friends at my company outside my department and started to not even notice when I was being left out. Then the main ringleader witch actually left the company and there was no one organizing/leaving out anymore. The group broke up and I had my own social circle that had a much better reputation since we weren’t so exclusionary. It ended up hurting the other clique in the end, they even got a talking to from the higher-ups at our company and were ‘banned’ from all standing together at social events. 

Sorry for the long personal story, but hopefully it helps. There is light at the end of the tunnell. IT will hurt for a while, but honestly, he doesn’t want to be friends with people who are capable of doing that to someone.

Post # 13
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@tovaford12:  If it sounded like a middle school problem, then you didn’t have to comment. Just like the OP was allowed to post what she wanted, you are entitled to your opinion. But because you chose to be snarky about it, you can get called out. 

Also, trolling is SO middle school.

Post # 14
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@tovaford12 Why are you even part of this community? Be helpful or go away.

Post # 15
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@tovaford12:  I smell a troll lady…and an ugly one at that. please dont respond to her. to flag her comments and keep it moving 🙂

The topic ‘NWR: Fiance being excluded from work events’ is closed to new replies.

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