(Closed) NWR-fighting with my mom at christmas?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
46673 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am sorry you are having to deal with this- especially at Christmas time.

We never stop being hurt by our parents’ actions. Our challenge as adults is to control our reactions .

Time to accept that your mother never was, and never will be the mother or grandmother in the fairy tales. Forgive her and move on.

You can control your children’s exposure to their grandma. Have her over to your place or meet her in the neighbourhood park for a play date with the kids.

Post # 4
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That sucks, I’m sorry.

But I have a real problem with “I would just as soon have nothing to do with her, but I have two children”. WHY in God’s name would you allow your children to be with someone like this? It is not safe for them, just like it wasn’t safe for you growing up. YOU should not have been put through that, and now you have a choice, but are exposing your children to the same horrific, abusive behavior. Would you feel the same way if she were shooting drugs in front of them? What if she was phyiscally abusive? Where’s the line? ssut because she is their Grandmother biologically does not mean you have to, or should, allow her in your childrens lives.

By exposing your children to her, they are learning behaviors that they shouldn’t, and by continually acting as if her behavior is ok, you are enabling her, which is detrimental to her getting better, detrimental to YOUR mental health, and unsafe for your childre to be around. You couldn’t do much as a child, but you CAN and must protect your own children from someone who would allow her own children to go without heat or electicity so she could feed her addiction. While she might NOT be shooting up drugs, it’s obvious where her loyalty is. I’ve seen too many statistics where people have left children in cars so they can go gamble, and I’ve seen small children dragged through casinos. It’s disgusting behavior and you have to protect your kdis from that!

Post # 6
759 posts
Busy bee

@Bostonsmom: If it was my mom, I would just drop by her house really quick, give her the gifts, let her see her g-kids for a few minutes then jet!  I wouldn’t stay long enough for you or the kids to be exposed too long to her living situation.  In and out.  That way you don’t feel too guilty about it since it’s Christmas!  🙂

Post # 7
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You should make a donation in her name to a charity as her Christmas gift.   🙂

Post # 8
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would probably do what tomboypink suggested.  Just drop in.  That is a tough situation.  I know what you mean about wanting your children to have their grandparent.  They are probably excited to see her (? I assume, as they are children…) so I would probably just make it quick.  Good luck. 

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