(Closed) NWR: FMIL passed away last night…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9484 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SouthernGirl:  Was she sick or was this a complete shock?  Regardless, I’m so sorry for your and his loss.  (hugs) I hope your FI holds out okay and is strong.

Post # 4
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SouthernGirl:  Wow. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I have a question: was this sudden or expected? Maybe if it was expected he has already had time to come to terms with it and is comforted knowing she is in a better place?

Post # 6
Member
9484 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SouthernGirl:  Such a shame.  Goes to show you how precious our time is with our family.  

Post # 7
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It will come. My FI mom passed away in October. First was shock and crying, then everything as normal until her funeral. He broke down some there and then did it privately with me a time or two in the next few weeks.

Post # 9
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry for your loss and his. Different people handle things differently. He may crack… he may not, but I’d keep an eye on him. Especially since he was the one that found her.

Post # 10
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m really sorry for your and his loss 🙁

Post # 11
Member
9484 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SouthernGirl:  Aw, please remind him that things happen and no one would’ve guessed this would take place.  I feel bad for him just reading this.  I agree with adaisyandarose that the time will come where he’ll completely break down.  I think he may be in shock right now.

Post # 12
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m so sorry.

Your FI is still in shock. It could take weeks for him to fully grasp the extent of his loss, but it will come. He’s not bottling it up, I’m sure, its all part of the grieving process. And you’ll be there when he needs to let it out.

Post # 15
Member
1726 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry 🙁 What a hard thing to be going through

Post # 16
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@SouthernGirl:  But I’m really worried about FH. He cried this morning (I took off from work when he called) but since then, he hasn’t shed a tear, he’s actually joking around and acting like nothing has happened. I know he’s been through a lot because he found her and everything is still surreal for him but I’m worried that one day it’s going to be too much and he’ll lose it. I’ve tried talking with him a little, but he doesn’t want to talk right now so I’m giving him his space

My mom died in the beginning of April this year.  And this is exactly how I reacted. Surreal is a perfect fitting term for it, because everything was sort of a haze.  At first I broke down, but then, hours and days after, it felt as though everyone expected me to be this blubbering mess and I just wasn’t. I joked about it and laughed things off.  I’m morbid like that, though, and that’s how I react in those moments.  But everyone is different.

 My mom didn’t have a funeral.  FI was really helpful during this time and I cried once or twice while he was there.  I still cry and break down, but only when I’m alone, like if I’m driving or when I’m home alone.  But not for a long time.  Then life goes on like normal.  What I’m rambling is, he’s probably grieving in his own time, possibly in private.  So try not to be concerned that he’s holding stuff inside or anything. The most awful thing for me was people offering their condolences.  I hated it.

Not to sound like a b-tch, it was just really hard.  Not only because I didn’t want to focus on that, but because I never reacted in the way that people expected.  Then I felt as though I wasn’t mourning in the right way? Anyway, sorry to ramble on.  But I think you’re doing just right, letting him know you’re there, but allowing him his space.

Good luck and I’m sorry this happened :

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