I applaud you for not taking communion!!! That is absolutely wonderful and sets a positive example.
My fiance’ and I are still technically virgins and are waiting for our wedding day, but since we’ve been engaged, living chastely has been difficult. We went through periods of feeling very discouraged. For lent, one of the things we gave up together was prolonged kissing and cuddling on the bed. It worked for most of lent. But yea it hasn’t been easy at all.
The thing to remember is that imperfect contrition is good enough for the confessional, but not good enough if you’re expectation is that you’ll lose all attachment in that sin and not repeat the sin. Confession restores the grace you need to help you in the fight to be chaste and in my personal opinion making frequent confessions is the only way to go.
In practical matters, I would say that living together is a near occassion of sin. If you can rectify that situation till you’re wedding in any way, I would do that. For lent, my fiance’ and I recommitted ourselves to chastity and gave up prolonged kissing and cuddling on the bed. The key to chastity expecially when engaged is to not give yourself the opportunity. Its denying yourself the opportunity that is usually the hard part, though there are other times he’s just in the room and we just give up then and there through a simple touch of our hands. We’re just like “Forget this chastity stuff. I want to make out with you.” We still don’t have intercourse though, though I realize my imperfect motivation in that. Its more pride than anything. I’ve waited this long and I’d be just humiliated to lose it a week before the wedding. I’m just SO better than that.
I think I’ve had friends who’ve been better at the chastity stuff than myself. That makes me feel bad, but I can’t beat myself up about it. I need to allow Christ to convert over more of my heart to Him.
So yes, get yourself to confession, but on top of that, get yourself on a regular confession schedule. My fiance’ parents only recently returned to the Church. They were very respectful in not receiving the Eucharist when they’d go to Mass with us. Then one day they started asking us about confession. Seriously, they hadn’t gone in decades. It was so joyful for us all and the following Mass we went to was even more joyful for they finally got to receive the Eucharist. Denying yourself when in a state of mortal sin is helps you to appreciate Christ and his sacrifice. It recognizes that you’re truly unworthy to receive this astonishing gift and need to be in the right state…like ming sure you’re well groomed and dressed nice for a formal event. It gives respect to God and expresses humility.
Have a blessed Easter!!
Edit: For approaching the confessional, the best advice I could give you is to make a good examination of conscience and to write down your sins so as not to forget them in your anxiety. What I usually do when I’m unsure about my situation is that I’ll confess the specific sin. I sometimes just say “My fiance and I were unchaste.” I then may bring up circumstances or things I’ve noticed. Things I’m pondering about it and other things I observe that are going on in my heart. Going to confession frequently helps you to dig deeper into your motivations. But the other thing is just to not worry about what the priest thinks about you. Don’t try to rationalize your sins by defending yourself. The best way to get advise that is more pertinent to your situation is to go to have a regular confessor. Each confessor has his own style, so while you’re looking, if you come across one you don’t like, try someone else. Just remember, you’re going there to receive mercy and not judgment.