(Closed) NWR friendship and lies and I need to vent….

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That’s really tough, Miss Mitzy, sorry you’re going through this!  I don’t think any of us can give you better advice than you yourself can, though.  Just sit really quietly with yourself and try to hear that little voice we all have, deep down.  I personally think that a friend who makes you feel bad or upset isn’t a good friend, but it might not mean you want to write her off.  If you can keep her just in a certain place in your life, i.e. know she might not be the most trustworthy and don’t have high expectations from her, your enjoyment of the other aspects of your friendship might be worth it.  But if you can’t compartmentalize like that, you might want to just move along.

Post # 4
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybe the miscarriage story was something told to you in confidence that she didn’t want others knowing?  

It seems like overall she has been a good friend to you.  Acting a little slutty at a  bar isn’t really a big offense to you.  Maybe I am missing something though.

Post # 6
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh ok, so she is a big time liar.  I thought at first it was just a couple of things.  Sounds like she has a lot of problems if she is lying over dumb things like that.  i have known a few people like that over the years.  It sounds like maybe you have hit your limit with her and need to not spend as much time with her?  

Post # 7
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Some people have issues about truth, but that doesn’t making them bad people or bad friends, just people you don’t necessarily believe everything that they say.  If it’s not about something important, then I wouldn’t worry as much.  I just would know that you couldn’t trust what she says, which means you can’t be as good of friends.  That said, I wouldn’t marry someone who did that.  My ex (of a 4 year relationship, 3 years living together) lied about many things – what high school he went to for one, where what type of house he had etc., also how his dad died (and what his profession had been).  He created a whole background life story for himself that wasn’t true.  I discovered this a year after we broke up (because he cheated on me on a business trip) and wondered if I should tell his Fiance before they got married in a few weeks.  I settled for telling our mutual friend who was best man so he could deal with it.  (Who also didn’t know.)

I also second the fact that the miscarrage story could have been told to you in confidence.  I would be very careful comparing personal stories like that.

While the attire is annoying, I wouldn’t throw away an otherwise good friendship over it – seems a strong reaction for a minor situation.  (And she’s right, telling her now it was inappropriate is too late for her to do anything about it to fix the situation.)

Post # 8
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m really sorry you’re experiencing this. I have a similiar story, which I’ll try to keep short –

I met R when I was 16. She always had these “grand stories” about her life,but I was naive and believed them. When I was 21, I discovered that essentially her entire life had been a lie, much like your friends. She told me REALLY elaborate stories about very serious things and while they always seemed a bit fishy, I never questioned them. One of her lies was about a miscarriage, much like you.  She also acted very innapropriately–hooking up with married men, cheating on all her bfs. I eventually ended our friendship because I couldn’t take it anymore.

We didn’t talk for  months. I missed her a lot, because despite her issues, she was a good friend in many other ways, like yours. After about 6 months, I sent her an email– I basically said that while she hurt me, I wanted to have lunch. Something in my heart just said I should do it.

Well, I found out that my ending our friendship was a huge moment of realization for her. She’d spent the last 6 months in therapy, because she realized how her actions were ruining her relationships. 

We have been friends again now for about a year. It took a LONG time to rebuild that trust. We had many heart to hearts before I felt comfortable with her again. I am so glad we’re friends again.

I tell you this story because it’s possible that your friend has stuff going on underneath the surface that causes this behavior. I understand why it hurt you, even though it didn’t effect your day to day life. Perhaps some time away from her will give you both the oppurtunity to cool off. Maybe in a few weeks/months, you can reconnect and she will have considered the way her lies hurt you. This might not be the case, but it’s worth a shot. Good luck! 


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