(Closed) NWR- FSIL , Bullying, bigotry and enablement. Vent and advice Please

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You said the perfect thing to her.

She sounds like a total bigot bitch and I would have cracked way before you did.

People like that learn the hard way. She will say the wrong thing to the wrong person someday. I am also a firm believer in karma. It will come back to her tenfold.

If I were you, I would just avoid her to avoid anymore confrontation. She sounds like an idiot and even though she is 17, she is an adult and knows better and if you are anything like me, which is sounds as though you are, ignorant people rub me the wrong way and I have no patience with people like that.

I am sorry that your Fiance is upset, but is he upset at you or the situation??

Post # 5
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

At 17, she’s old enough to know how to properly act and what is and isn’t appropriate to say. This girl sounds like she’s closer to 10 than 20. She’s going to say the wrong thing to the wrong person someday and get her ass kicked. I don’t even know this girl but I can’t WAIT for that day to come.

Post # 6
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I don’t put up with anyone saying anything that isn’t PC aropund me- that includes children of family members even if their parents are in front of me. More than once I have scolded my sisters children for jokingly saying the word faggot or something else derogatory. If I were you, I would correct her everytime she makes statements like that, and leave the room. I couldn’t stand to be around so much hate.

Good for you for standing up to her. Don’t back down in the name of keeping peace with the family. You should never have to hear someone speak like that. If she won’t stop, if they don’t stop her, I would quit going around her/them.

Post # 7
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@imalittlebirdie:  Okay, I was hoping he wasn’t upset at you for saying something! It must be hard for him too, to realize his sister is that way and his parents condone her behavior.

The less time you spend with her, the better.

Post # 8
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yikes.  I’m cringing.

Shes a kid but she’s being indulged and that’s part of the problem.  I don’t want to even know where she’s getting this hateful poison.

People like this rarely change and if they do they make allowances for the acceptable black, Mexican, gay, fat people that don’t fit her hateful stereotype.

My best advice is to remove yourself EVERY singe time, and to explain to the adults why.

“I am not gong to continue eating dinner with you tonight if this is the kind of conversation I will be subjected to.” and leave.  They will either get it, or you will be cutting a lot of visits short.

In no way would I sit around for ths from anyone.  I’m sorry this is happening.

 

ETA- your Fiance is adding to the problem in asking you to be quiet.  I’d be taking huge issue with him as well.

Post # 11
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@imalittlebirdie:  Yeah there are clearly parenting issues.

I still suggest leaving every.single.time and maybe just not getting into it in the moment.  

This is a major problem.

Post # 12
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know she’s 17 and should be old enough to know better, but with all the adults around enabling her, she clearly doesn’t.

So either she spends the rest of her life being immature and ignorant, poor (who would tolerate that behavior in the workplace?) OR she grows up and realizes what an unbearable jagoff she’s been all these years.

Most likely one day she will realize this and be super embarrassed.

So in the meantime you can either take the bait and be super angry, or you can ignore her, take pity on her for wasting her young life on such hatefulness and stupidity. See her attitude for what it is, ridiculous, over the top, attention seeking nonsense.

In the meantime, she’s a teenage girl. Being a teenager is hard one everyone, worse when you don’t have good parenting, let’s hope she grows up soon!

Post # 13
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

why spend time there then?  if his parents are drunks and his sister is…no offense but a loser – why are you there?  I agree with what you said to her, it was much more PC than what I would have said. I have zero tolerance for this ignorant asshole attitude.  If you are done with her comments and behaviour and his parents are only worsening the behaviour why are you putting yourself in this situation?  Don’t go.  Make it clear you will not be in a household full of hate and ignorance and leave it at that.  If any of the 3 of them wake the eff up and realize the disgusting situation, talk to them then.  Otherwise – remove yourself or you’re also enabling her.  You’re giving her an audience and a reaction that she is so clearly looking for.

Post # 15
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@imalittlebirdie:  I’m genuinely curious…

You love people who talk this way, curse at your fiancé, make you feel badly, parent their child in a way that has created a monster, gossip about children, spend most of their lives in an alcohol daze and in general have a disgusting view of the world or support those who do??

You and your Fiance need a plan, but it requires that you’re on the same page first.

 Silence is not a plan.

The topic ‘NWR- FSIL , Bullying, bigotry and enablement. Vent and advice Please’ is closed to new replies.

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