NWR.. Has anyone watched '13 Reasons Why' (spoilers, kind of)

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I just finished the series an hour ago, I think it’s a very important story to tell with today’s society being what it is. Personally, I keep seeing memes and jokes going around making fun of Hannah’s “overreactions” or defending the guys which I think is disgusting. I haven’t read the book yet but I heard that the show fleshed out the ending a bit more than the book even though i didn’t want it to be ambiguous.

Post # 17
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

megrays :  We finished it last night and this is exactly how I felt. I could obviously see the overall message about bullying and whatnot, but Hannah seemed manipulative and honestly not very well developed as a character. It was really bothersome to me with Clay in particular that he’d now be living his life feeling responsible for her suicide, when in fact he did absolutely nothing wrong and her mental health was the overarching reason she took her life. I could see high school students, especially those feeling depressed or suicidal, watching this and feeling like there is some element of glamour in haunting all these people after you’ve taken your own life. It didn’t sit well with me.

Post # 18
Member
19 posts
Newbee

I watched it as well. I blame Mr Porter 100%. He was her counselor and if I was in his situation I would have never let her leave without calling parents and police. 

I got bullied pretty bad in high school because I’m from another country, i spoke broken English, my parents were both working but since we just came to the country we did not have enough money to buy nice clothes and stuff. It was tough but my parents also instilled in us that no matter how bad a situation it, it always changes. 

I felt like Hannah just threw away her life to get back at those people. Besides Mr porter it’s none of their responsibility. While Bryce should be in jail for raping Hannah and that other girl and Ryan should get some sort of repercussion for stalking her, what other kids did was not criminal behavior.  

The whole stop sign story did not make sense to me because from where they showed it looks like a intersection onto the main road and even if there was no stop sign I would still stop to make sure there were no cars coming before I just turned into the street. 

I just feel that kids go through this all the time in school and it gets them ready for real life because real life only gets harder and the answer is not suicide. The show did not talk about that at all, it was all like feel guilty because I committed suicide because of you. 

Also the parents just can’t blame the school and call it a day, what about their own fault. They just spent the series trying to blame he school for bullying when in reality there is nt much schools can really do to stop bullying

Post # 19
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I tried watching but I felt so far removed from these kids! Did anyone else have this experience? I’m 28 and I felt incredibly old watching the first episode. Maybe because of the oversized focus on cassette tapes as an outdated technology? 

Only saw the first episode but I thought that while the kids’ acting was great, the adults were all atrocious – and I loved Private Practice! The parent roles were all so badly cast and acted… 

Post # 20
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

spontoise :  lol I felt that too.  I’m 27- they made me feel ancient

Post # 21
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

chelseacg :  It made me reflect on high school a bit and made me very thankful that my parents took something seriously if I considered it serious, and made sure that I knew that they were always there to listen. There were still plenty of things that happened growing up that my parents never heard about, but I was a lot more open with my parents than most of my friends, and I felt really lucky that my parents made it very clear that they would always be there for me, despite being busy professionals. I think that made a huge difference in my life.

While watching the series I kept thinking that if Hannah’s parents (or any other character) had been more attentive to her needs, they could have gotten her the help that she needed. Clearly reaching out to someone who may be having a tough time is the moral of the story. And that people can be going through a really tough time, even when it seems like they have it all. It was devastating to see how Hannah fell through the cracks.

hikingbride :  Yeah, the series definitely had me thinking about how I would raise my children and what I would imitate from how my parents raised me, and what I might change. My SO didn’t watch it with me (I went through it really quickly while he was out of town), and he doesn’t seem interested enough to watch it on his own, but I’ve initiated conversations about how we would raise our own kids as a result. Of course, we’ve already had some of those conversations, but not about the high school years specifically.

amanda1988 :  I agree, I don’t think that this show was meant to go past season 1. I haven’t read the book either, but did read in a review of the show that in the book, Clay reaches out to Skye because she shows signs of potentially considering suicide, and didn’t particularly like that in the series they designed it so that Alex fell through the cracks. Not that I’m saying that Skye wasn’t worth reaching out to, but I could see that Alex was showing certain signs as I was watching the show, and I was disappointed that none of the characters on the show seemed to notice (even though I realized that this was the hook for the second season as well).

megrays :  I definitely don’t think that the show was made for people who are struggling with mental health issues or considering suicide. I agree that the whole premise behind the tapes was unrealistic. However, what I got out of the show was that Hannah committed suicide out of great pain and an inability to see her life get better down the line. It seems like she tried a lot of different things that she thought might help her situation (such as reaching out to different people at school and even the counselor), but it didn’t seem to work out in the way that she wanted and after she was raped, it got to a point where she could no longer see any light at the end of the tunnel. I imagine that that is how a lot of people who commit suicide feel. I didn’t think that she committed suicide out of revenge, but I can see how some may think that there was an element of revenge in leaving the tapes, but that unrealistic premise is the basis of this work of fiction, so I’m not sure what to say about that.

Most of what bothered me about the show was the secondary characters’ behavior–really, you want to cover up a sexual assault because you’re afraid that someone’s going to find out that you did some minor thing that wasn’t a nice thing to do but certainly isn’t criminal (i.e. stealing compliment notes or choosing not to be someone’s friend)? Totally unrealistic. That part of the plotline underestimates the moral compass of teenagers and takes away from the series. 

Post # 22
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

jalvia :  I’m sorry for what you went through, and I’m glad that you got a lot of support from your family, but I think that you need to be careful in making the argument that terrible experiences like bullying and sexual assault get kids ready for the “real” world. From what I have read and seen (while I worked in a field that catered to some of these issues), issues like these are likely to lead to poor self-esteem and worse psychological outcomes, rather than “toughening” someone up.

Of course, having ample support from family and professional help can help kids heal and build resilience, but the argument that “kids go through this all the time in school and it gets them ready for real life” doesn’t sit well with me.

 

Regarding aspects of the show in particular, I thought that the actors playing the parents did a good job of playing the parts of guilt-ridden, grief-stricken parents despite not hearing their internal monologues. I am fairly certain that any normal parent would feel incredibly guilty in that situation, despite their limited capacity (they couldn’t force Hannah to open up to them and, even if they could, they may not have been able to prevent her suicide), and I don’t think that the lawsuit was framed as absolving Hannah’s parents of their guilt. I thought it was made pretty clear that the intention was to force the school to change their atmosphere/culture so that this would not happen to another child. That starts with the school admitting that they have a problem, and it makes sense that they’d need to be forced into that because it’s really bad PR.

More to the point, if you think that it was the counselor’s fault, then I’m surprised that you don’t think that the parents should have sued the school. The counselor and the school go hand-in-hand in a lawsuit–Mr. Porter acted as a representative of the school in his job as a school counselor, and, if you think that he was negligent, then that responsibility also rests on the school who hired him and allowed him to work with teenagers in this capacity.

Additionally, just because a problem like bullying is hard to solve, doesn’t mean that a school shouldn’t be putting more effort into figuring out how to solve it.

Post # 23
Member
9454 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

milena :  yeah, that part bugged me.  I figured Jessica wanted to protect Justin/deny it was true, so that checked out… Marcus and Zach may be in as much of a thrall with Bryce as the rest–plus they think she’s lying because Jessica and Justin insist she is.. so I guess that checks out too.  Courtney was a super selfish bitch, is all I felt.. and Jenny didn’t want to go to jail.

But Alex and Ryan.. I have no idea why they agreed to keep it secret.  I guess Alex was in love with Jessica and didn’t want to blow it.. that still leaves Ryan as a big ?????

Especially since Ryan’s whole THING is taking found art and exposing/publishing it.. well… do your thing.

I really really liked that Clay was like “fuck her plans, she obviously doesn’t know what’s best for her” and I was like THANK YOU.  (I mean, her entire tape with Clay was about how she doesn’t articulate what she really wants/needs)

Post # 24
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I watched it and found it really interesting. I’m not from the US and all of it seemed incredibly extreme to me. High school where I was born is not nearly this dramatic. If this is how it truly is in the US I’m enlightened (and afraid for you guys).

Bullying where I live typically consists of in person insults. Someone almost always sticks up for the kid being targeted and if not, it’s not uncommon to tell an adult or other authority figure. 

Post # 25
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

amanda1988 :   Yeah, I thought about those things too, but (aside from Jessica wanting to deny what happened and Justin wanting to “protect” her) it all just seems very weak in comparison to doing the right thing and therefore unrealistic. I understand that that aspect of the show was a necessary plot device to 1) get the tapes to Clay and 2) keep things mysterious and the plot moving, but it really rubbed me the wrong way.

Especially with regard to Tony. I get that you made a promise to Hannah, but…seriously? You’re just going sit and watch her parents grieve and Mr. Porter/the school refuse to take responsibility while everyone goes through the tapes? Some promises are meant to be broken, especially when you don’t actually realize what you’re promising (otherwise Tony would have gotten Hannah help, as he attempted to do when he got the package and realized what she was about to do).

bahamastone :  The drama was certainly amped up in the show, but unfortunately these issues are rooted in real experiences of teenagers living in the US and across the world.

There are a number of organizations in the US that are trying to help change these toxic elements that are part of our culture (ex. To Write Love on Her Arms, It Gets Better Project, Stomp Out Bullying, etc), but there is a long way to go and I believe that the aim in producing this show is to raise awareness that these issues exist even if you might not realize that they do and to encourage empathy.

Post # 26
Member
36 posts
Newbee

milena :  It’s incredibly sad to know it even bears a semblance to the truth. Hopefully these elements of culture do change in the near future.

Post # 27
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee

milena :  I wish the story actually acknowledged Hannah’s mental illness.  For all the awareness they tried to raise, they never gave her depression or other issues a name 

Post # 28
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I just finished it and loved it! some of the kids’ behavior to cover up non-important issues annoyed me a little, like Ryan, Marcus and Courtney. By the time Clay had the tapes a lot of people knew their secrets anyway so why was it such a big deal for them to worry about others finding out? That bugged me a little. However the stop sign thing was an actual crime and I can see a high schooler freaking out about getting in trouble for that and covering it up. 

The parents though! I hated Clays mom and I think all parents should have to study this show so they don’t act like her. 

Post # 29
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

megrays :  I definitely agree with you on that.

Post # 30
Member
9454 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

milena :  yeah, Tony was stone cold.

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