I won’t lie, things are much worse than I thought.
I thought it was $12k
It’s closer to $20k
And. What’s worse. Is she has almost completely drained the account her partner set up for their daughter, depositing money in there each month. There is supposed to be $7-$8k in there. There is less than $1k left
Her partner found out about that in July when he opened a statement (don’t ask me why he couldn’t see it on internet banking). Basically, sister knew she had access and always intended to put it back. But it all spiralled. Most of this was taken in the 18 months she was out of work after her daughter was born. When he was completely supporting her. She never liked asking for more money.
So we went through her expenses last night. She has so little i’m so fucking mad she got here. I said to her – ok we have a plan in place – you HAVE TO TELL HIM. She’s scared that, because it almost ruined their relationship when he discovered the missing money, they straight up wouldn’t survive it if he found out about the $20k, which is more than double. I said the only way you will get out of this is to be accountable and by having someone else see your accounts. It’s how hubby and I turned our dire financial situation around, and now we have a beautiful house, and just paid for a $50k wedding + honeymoom. We became accountable to eachother and cut out all needless spending.
So we put the plan together but she knows. We are bowing out. We have tried to help, give her advice, but this is all on her now. If she curbs her spending entirely, she can pay it off in 2 years. But that’s at a bare bare minimum. I know she won’t make it.
I don’t know. Their relationship is fucked up, 100% caused by her. I lay in bed with hubby after she left, so thankful that our issues are completely skin deep and petty in comparison. I think maybe I’ll just get over the dishes not being dried and put away, lol.
The thing is, sister has never had to worry about money so she doesn’t see it as something to be feared (when you have none). She’s never had to save for anything. She had her first house bought for her by our parents. Her partner just bought her a new SUV. She doesn’t understand the value attached to money because she’s never had to do anything with it except live. And I do think she gets some kind of rush from the instant gratification of getting “stuff”.
Anyway. Like I said. This is the last time we ever lend her money. I don’t even care if she doesn’t pay it back, I just want to be done with it. I told her to register me with the daycare so I can get her daughter when she has therapy appts. I told her, in every capacity I will be here for her. But not financially. Not until she comes clean to her partner. Once she does that, I’ll know she’s actually ready to fix this permanently.
Time to grow up.