(Closed) NWR… How could a mother do this?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think you and your grandmother are doing all the right things. I’m very impressed with your commitment to your sister.

Is there any activity she can get involved in? Something she can focus on other than herself? People can find “second families” in sewing circles, church groups, volunteer organizations, etc.

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow. Well I think the counselling is a good step forward for your stepsister and it sounds like both you and her grandmother want what’s best for her and are working hard to try to make that happen. Does the grandmother have custody of her? It sounds like she needs to be far away from her mother. Her mother sounds like she needs to have a serious intervention and go to rehab and get a heck of a lot of counselling. I think train wreck is a spot on description.

What if little sister moved in with you for a while (more than a couple weeks, I’m talking like at least 6 months)? Maybe the 5 hour drive distance and a change of scenery would help? What if you tried family counselling together? It sounds like she’s acting out and having some potentially dangerous behaviour, so I can see why you’re so worried about her. I think she needs to try to work through these things rather than medicating them away.

Sorry I don’t have much more advice. Best of luck to you. You’re doing the right thing trying to help, you’re a great big sister!

Post # 6
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Miss Mitzie:  You are doing a great job already by just being there and spending time with her.  She is going through a rough patch and while it would be great if she could just see that life will be much better now, but it is going to take some time (and I am talking years).  She has “lost” her mother and is now in the custody of her grandmother and while it is great that she was able to stay with family it isn’t her mom.  I think it’s great her grandmother has her in counseling, that should help her break through a lot of her issues with the situation.  As for trying to get her reinvolved in life you are doing a great job by offering her fun trips.  It is just going to take her some time so please be patient.  We all react to situations differently so just because you were able to overcome a difficult family life doesn’t mean she will overcome it the same way.  Give her the love that you have been and just know that at least she has one woman in her life who has a level head on her shoulders and maybe she will be able to use you as a beacon.  Good luck!!!

Post # 7
Member
33 posts
Newbee

Keep it up and don’t give up on her.  Any stability in her unstable life is tremendously valuable.  You consistently taking the time to do what you do sends a powerful message that you care deeply about her and she is worth your time.  If you don’t give up on her, that message will eventually, hopefully, sink in.  

I’m a little concerned about the medication though, especially since there is clearly plenty of environmental reasons for her behavior problems.  I would get a second opinion on that.

Post # 8
Member
33 posts
Newbee

And I forgot to say – you are awesome!

Post # 10
Member
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I don’t have any advice either, other than to keep doing what you are doing for your sister.

I totally believe that LOVE is what makes FAMILY and it sounds like you understand that too.

I have also learned in my 39 years (not trying to sounf oh-so-old and wise or anything) that there are going to be people who do things that upset and shock you and that are incomprehensible. For example, my best friend from 8th grade, the woman who was at the birth of my second son (and actually assisted in the birth),  the woman who TAUGHT me soo much about being a mom, our children grew up together, who acted like a second mom to my kids and who was always an EXCELLENT and loving, involved, doting mom to her own, flipped her freakin lid a few years back and just lost it.  She abandoned her kids to go and be with a 21 year old guy she met online while playing WOW.  Seriously.  Her eldest child was 16 at the time.  Her son was 11.  It devastated them both.  NO one understood.  Yeah, we all understood her wanting to leave her husband (long story).. but her babies?!  And as a friend, too, she has changed, when she was always the ONE person I knew would be there, and that is no longer the case at all.

The kids are still reeling from that, honestly, and it breaks my heart.

All you can do is try and be there for her as much as possible… as angry and as amazed as I am at what my friend did, I can’t change or fix it. 

Post # 11
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Unconditional love, I guess. It’s tough, but she needs adults who love her and who won’t abandon her no matter how “bad” she acts.

She’s been told that she’s worthless, and as a kid, she believed that lie. She needs to hear the truth now – that she’s a wonderful individual, worthy of happiness, capable of being successful and healthy.

Post # 12
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I really don’t have constructive advice, but i think you and her grandmother are doing the right thing.  Counselling, removing her from the negative environment and being supportive are the right moves to make.  Keep on keepin’ on, telling her every day that she’s important and significant and integral to the universe: ie important to at least one other person in the world, and she’ll keep going too, gradually getting better and better.

 

Good luck!

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