Post # 1
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
I started graduate school in January and moved to live near campus while Fiance stayed back in our home area where he works. I hate it. I thought maybe it was my program, but while it isn’t exactly everything I hoped it would be, I find the topics I’m studying agreeable. But the living arrangement is ruining my life. I hate feeling like I don’t really live here at school, but I don’t really live at home anymore, either. When I go “home”, I live out of a suitcase, and even at school, I have random roommates and don’t really feel settled in my own house. And rather than pay rent in two places, Fiance moved back in with his parents so when I do go back, there is that awkwardness a little bit and feeling constrained and unsettled. Also, for reasons that are lengthy and convoluted, it is affecting my school work. I need a stable home situation and I take out my unhappiness with all this by procrastinating and avoiding school stuff, which is not like me, stresses me out more, and does no good.
I really want to move home to live permanently again so that Fiance and I could move back on our own and have a stable home again. Then, school would be more like just going to a job rather than like it is defining my way of life. My school is 90 miles from home and takes around 1hr 15 mins or so to drive (but that’s one way!). That’s a lot of gas money and time out of each day lost to just driving. I hoped to arrange my class schedule in the fall to be only T/R, but it didn’t work out, and I do have class every day. I don’t know what to do, but something has to change. I am miserable and unmovitated but I feel stuck.
Post # 3
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
@Amaryllis: I drive an hr one way for work 5 days a week!! That commute wouldn’t be a big deal to me and I wouldn’t change my living situation for an hr and 15mins! Good Luck!!
Post # 4
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
Can you maybe move somewhere in between, so that each of you has a bit of a commute but that neither of you are living over an hr from school/work?
Post # 5
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
In traffic, my commute to school is close to 2 hours (each way); I’m doing it because I have no choice, but I would definitely resist taking a long-term position that forced me to commute so far! I only have to make that drive 2-3 days/week. If the traffic isn’t bad, it takes about an hour each way which feels like a lot but much more do-able. I also drive about an hour each way to my part-time job, which again feels like a lot (especially given the amount I get paid) but sometimes you just have to suck it up!
Anything longer than 1.5 hours (ish), I think I would really hesitate sucking it up, and the shorter the commute, the better.
Post # 6
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
45 mins would be the max I would be willing to do – unless it was a really good opprotunity, then I would be willing to go 1 full hour (but here in Dallas it can take an hour to go 25 miles.)
90 one way miles is ALOT! I feel for you! There is no way I could drive 180 miles daily!
Post # 7
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
since it takes you a little over an hour to go 90 miles, i’m guessing you’re not stuck in traffic, which makes your commute a lot better.
where does fi work? do you want him to move near your school so that he has to make the long commute?
it’s important to remember this is temporary. you WILL get through it.
Post # 8
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
It only takes you an hour an 15 minutes to drive 90 miles? That must be nice. My commute is usually 1 – 1.5 hours, and I only drive 35 miles each way. 1.5 hours each way is doable for me now, cause I don’t have kids yet, but I’d hesitate to make it any longer.
Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
I drive about an hour sometimes more depending on traffic. If there is no traffic at all it would be about 35 min drive, but more often than not there is heavy traffic.
Post # 10
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee
My ex’s Mum drove from Midtown Manhattan to JFK every day. It was about 3 hours round trip commute. Even though it was her dream job, she couldn’t deal with the extra travel time and found a new job.
My coworker busses from Montreal to Ottawa every day for his federal Gov job. With driving from his house to the station and back before and after that is a 4 hour round trip commute, and more if the traffic is bad (which is often). He loves it! He sleeps in the AM and reads on the way home.
Thought these were nice and opposite examples for you. 🙂
ETA: to the OP… could bussing be an option for yoU?
Post # 11
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
I’m sorry about your situation. Commuting long distances feels like such a waste of time 🙁 You live half your life in the car and it’s just exhausting. It seems like it is really taking a toll on your life. Could you and Fiance move somewhere in between, where it would only be about 35-45 minutes from your home area and school?
I take the train to work, and I love it. It’s about 40 minutes…door-to-door, about 50 minutes or so. I enjoy drinking my coffee and reading the newspaper in the mornings, and on the way home I get lost in my novel. I’m incredibly lucky!
Post # 12
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
It is all highway driving, and traffic is usually not bad. Even during busy times of day, it is about an hour and a half. I also tend to average 75-80 mph…. 
@Krises: and brittromance: That depends on a few things. Right now, he drives 40 miles in the opposite direction, so moving 15 minutes closer my way really isn’t going to make too much of a difference. Also, it’s not just missing Fiance. I don’t really want to just live in a random community. I want to move home near the extended family and my friends.
I wish there were a bus/train option so I could do homework/read! I know of someone in my one class who commutes two hours from a different area, so I am thinking maybe I could try to find people to carpool with maybe?
Post # 13
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee
Is public transportation available for you? With the gas prices right now, I cant imagine what youre spending.
I did 1.5 hours each way to work for about 6 months and honestly, it was horrible and really effected my quality of life. I gained weight, became depressed, and was exhausted all the time. I had no time for things that I enjoyed because Monday-Friday by the time I got home I ate dinner, relaxed for an hour, and then it was almost time for bed.
Post # 14
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
Right now I commute 60 miles one way to work every single day. It drives me crazy. I lose 2 hours of my day driving and I hate it. Also, since our families live in the town that I work in which is 60 miles from where we live Fiance and I make the drive together almost every weekend. It’s ridiculous!
Post # 15
Member
3788 posts
Honey bee
Thanks for all the stories, too. Both good and bad. It’s a lot to take into consideration!
The other thing is that my schedule is pretty easy. It’s so irritating because I’d really only need to be on campus for about an hour and a half each day! But that does give me flexibility. My one class starts at 9:45 on T/R, and my MWF is 11-12. My third class is independent study, and I don’t know what time my regular meeting will be yet, but I wouldn’t be making the drive very early or very late at least. Also, who knows by Spring, I could have a T/R or MWF schedule!
Post # 16
Member
3601 posts
Sugar bee
I currently commute 76 miles (1.25-1.5 hours) one way to work.