(Closed) NWR: How to tell my bf’s parents we want to move in together

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is there a reason you “need” their approval?  Are they going to be helping you financially?  Because if not, just do it!  You’re adults and living on your own and don’t really need anyone’s permission as far as I know ;o)

Post # 5
Member
4465 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ohhhh, sorry, can’t help you there.  When I moved in with then-BF my parents weren’t in love with the idea, but I was paying my rent, so they had no say!  Unfortunately in this situation, his parents do have a say since they’ll be paying half of your rent. 

Good luck and I hope other posters have some suggestions :o)

Post # 6
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Marie Gabrielle

Well, I think you need to be prepared to NOT get their blessing.  Sometimes (often!) parents and their adult children do not agree. That’s ok.  I think you just need to tell them (kindly!) and let them know you respect their opinions but have made the choice that’s right for you.  I think it’s important you stress that you are not trying to force them to agree with you but that you wanted to be honest and that you have thought this through carefully. 

This, of course, assumes that you are both completely financially independent of your parents, setting up that you are “fully grown” and able to manage your own life responsibly.  I don’t think anyone can expect their parents to finance a lifestyle that they may not agree with.  Transitioning from child to adult can be challenging in evolving relationships between parents/kids!

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Marie Gabrielle

I posted while you were writing your response… I think you might have to wait until you are both fully independent from your parents.  It really isn’t fair to ask them to finance something they disagree with. 

I’d talk to them about it, but maybe be prepared that they will say no.  Until you guys are completely independent… you kind of have to do what they say because they are still acting as caretakers.  Again though – talk to them, maybe they have changed their minds!

Post # 8
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You are very fortunate to have that much financial support from your parents!  Ms. Snapdragon makes a good point about not being able to ask your parents to finance something that they disagree with.  However, there are a lot of students that are able to make it work without support from their parents.

There are part-time jobs, financial aid….etc. to fill in the gaps.  Fiance and I both work 30+ hours a week and go to school full time.  It sucks, but its worth it because it allows us to live the life we want (or at least close to it).

Post # 10
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Girl, I have been there… and it never happened. I wish I had words of advice for you, but we had sleepovers nearly every night for four years… yes, it sucks that they pay more, but sometimes you have to accept it. My FI’s parents have paid $400/mo for his bedroom in a 4bd apt with three other guys for the past year and a half… and he spends 90% of his time here. I hope you get what you’re going for because half the electric and half the rent for me would be nearly $300 a month… le sigh.

Good luck though! I hope it all works out for you!

Post # 11
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

sigh, i definitely think you’ll have to bite the bullet on this one and have separate places… perhaps he could negotiate a lower rent with roommates because he’s never there or something like that… for example he could pay like 200 or maybe he could sublease the place while he’s at your place without the parents knowing…

((HUGS))

Post # 12
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I think there is not much you can do here, unfortunately. I know if it were my child who wanted to live with a boyfriend or girlfriend in college, I wouldn’t be willing to pay for it (even though I’ve been in your situation, too; I just never would have thought to ask our parents to sponsor it)… I’m a little old-fashioned, but when you’re ready to live like an adult with all of that freedom, you’d better also be ready to pay for it. I can understand where his parents are coming from. At least you’re still able to spend all that time together, though, even if you’re not on a lease together.

Post # 13
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I agree with the other bees that say you’ll have to suck it up and live separately until you can pay for it yourselves. I would have no problem with my child living with someone but I certainly wouldn’t pay for it. It would be up to them to take that adult step in their life on their own.

Post # 14
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m so jealous you have even ONE set of parents okay with it! Both sets of parents would totally flip their lids and be really, really angry at us, which neither of us are okay with since we’re both really close to said parental units…

Post # 15
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

While I agree that his parents are under no obligation to pay for his rent if they’re not comfortable with you living together, I do think it’s at least worth a shot to ask.

Let them know how serious you are about each other. Let them know if you have any concrete plans for marriage (because I’m assuming their issue is that you’re unmarried). If they get offended, let them know that you’re not trying to undermine their beliefs and that you understand if they can’t agree with it.

I feel for you because at first, my fiance’s parents weren’t okay with us moving in together. In our situation we were kind of between a rock and a hard place because his parents, rather than paying rent, had taken out a mortgage on a house by our university for him and his brothers to live in while away at school. Moving out of a home they had bought for him to live in would’ve been a slap in the face, but at the same time, it was hugely restrictive on us. They did come around at the last second, though. Good luck and I’m hoping you’ll have a similarly positive outcome! Let us know how it goes!

Post # 16
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Tea party has a good point.  It could be worth a shot!  FI’s parents do pay his health insurance and cell phone bill (he’s on a family plan).  They weren’t crazy about us moving in together.  But Fiance has never had a great relationship with them, and has essentially done as he pleased since he was 18.  So we moved in together, and were pleasantly suprised when they continued to cover those bills.

 

I think sometimes parents don’t pick their battles very well initially, but in the end they will.  When it came down to it, they loved their son and wanted to continue to support him as he furthered his education.  Their love for their son overcame their different view points.

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