- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2018
I will try to keep this short but it won’t be.
Essentially my Dad has been having numerous affairs for the last 10+ years. I found out about these 8 years ago. 3 years ago I found out he’d been dating a woman we’ll call Kim for about 3 years, they are still dating now. Kim is younger than my SO, she quit her job when she met my Dad, he pays for her lifestyle (which includes weekly hair washing appointments and weed). She is lazy and doesn’t get out of bed until midday. Kim has landed a meal ticket (my Dad’s friend said it was only about money) for her and her 12 year old daughter. My Dad supports them both financially, and this little girl calls him Dad (and as his only daughter, this cuts me to the core).
When I found out I asked him to make a decision. Divorce my Mum, or leave Kim. This is a women he wears a wedding ring for and who calls herself Mrs “ourlastname” (I’m praying to God he’s not a bigamist), she even has my Dad’s full name tattooed on her. But he essentially is leading a double life and I said I didn’t care what decision he made just that he needed to make one.
I gave him an ultimatum or I would tell my Mum (his legal wife) but by the time the deadline had passed it was too late. I didn’t know how I could stand up and tell my Mum after all this time. I know she’d never stop loving me but she would feel so betrayed.
The latest of all this drama is that my Dad is invited to his friends wedding in a couple of weeks. My Dad lied about the location so my Mum wouldn’t want to go. I know this because he called my brother and asked him to drop something off with him because he’s only going to be an hours drive away; today he calls saying he doesn’t need anything dropped off anymore but did he want to meet for lunch. My brother says yes and my Dad tells him that Kim will be there. My brother says he’s not comfortable seeing her but they could meet for coffee without her (compromise) but my Dad said there’s not enough time. So now my brother and my Dad aren’t meeting up and my brother is in peices. We live a long way from our parents, and the last time we saw them was at my grandma’s funeral. My brother feels like he is not worthy enough. Like our family isn’t important to my Dad.
My Mum is trying her hardest to be patient (not one of her strengths); and is being as supportive as she can be after my grandma’s death (my Dad’s mum). She sorted out all the paperwork to do with her death, sorted the wake, and cleared my grandma’s house almost completely on her own. She raised his three children alone whilst he worked away. And kept his home. Yet my Mum is getting no respect.
I honestly feel like he doesn’t care about anyone but himself and his own stupid, sexual gratification. I think Kim is extremely manipulative but my Dad’s a big boy. I don’t even know how many times I’ve wanted to see my Dad but he’s been “busy”, he told my brother he was visiting a friend with Kim near to where I live but he still didn’t want to meet with me. And finacially, whilst I’ve never wanted for anything my Mum has always been careful with money, never buying herself new clothes when I know Kim goes shopping weekly.
There is so much more I could add about the way my Dad has treated my Mum. But you get the picture. I wondered for a long time if deep down my Mum knew. But I really think she doesn’t. She loves my Dad so much and so unconditionally it’s becoming painful to watch. She really does have rose-tinted glasses on when it comes to him, but why shouldn’t she.
I don’t want to keep my Dad’s secrets anymore and I want to make my Dad face up to his wrongs. I want to stop having to tread on eggshells around my Mum, just in case we let something slip. But I can’t bear the thought of hurting her. I thought about send a letter to her, but I don’t want her to hate me for keeping this from her.
I just don’t know what to do, but I am so fed up with my Dad.
As you can imagine I’ve been crying the whole time whilst writing this. I hope it makes sense. Please be gentle but any advice would be appreciated.